Cat, Rat, and Dog
by Matelia-legwll
Summary: JP/LE. Only Lily, Peter, and Sirius know the whole truth of what really happened during their Easter Holidays in their fifth year. UPDATED!
1. Prologue: Peter Everything Goes Wrong

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

Disclaimer: I really believe this should be old hat, but for you newbies, I am not JKR. Sorry to say, I didn't come up with the title on my own, and even the main premise of this piece is not my own. I was inspired by someone who attempted to do the same thing I will attempt. It is Through a Cat's Eyes by _PoisonA_. Thank you Batamut! Also, the rhyme is common enough knowledge. Oh, and by the way, I will not be JKR for the duration of this story. I hate putting disclaimers on every chapter, so I don't think I will. Don't sue me anyway.

Summary: JP/LE. What happened over Easter holidays in their fifth year? Only Lily, Peter, and Sirius know the whole truth.

Genre: Humor/Romance, JP/LE

Rating: K

A/N: This story I have placed during the Easter holidays in the Marauders' fifth year.

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**P****ROLOGUE: Peter**

Why can't I get this spell? It should be simple, easy, a piece of cake, but I simply can't do it. What am I supposed to be doing? Transfiguring a piece of wood into a chipmunk, thanks for asking. Take a deep breath, Peter. Just because you have absolutely no one to vent to, doesn't mean you should start acting twitchy. Oh, great. I'm talking to myself. And yet the only thing I can concentrate on is that stupid rhyme James was saying in class just after his wood was Transfigured as perfectly as always. _How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?_

How much? This was driving me crazy. I'm a curious fellow by nature, but this little rhyme had me stumped. Usually I was too lazy to follow up on my curiosities, but this was much more interesting than chipmunks and blocks of wood. Well, it still was about wood, but the point remains.

I — am going — absolutely — _mental_!

First, I suppose I should say where I am or how everything started to happen. It all started with McGonagall's Transfiguration class. To start out the class she gave yet _another_ lecture on our O.W.L.s and said to be sure to study hard for them over the Easter holidays. Then she gave us our blocks of wood that we should have been able to Transfigure easily enough. James, of course, was the first to do it followed closely by Sirius. Then James started to teach Sirius that little riddle. I think it has something to do with Muggles because Lily Evans turned around in her chair and glared at James.

Somehow James always manages to get on Evans's bad side. Anyway, this rhyme or riddle thing had me stumped the rest of the hour and I made absolutely no progress on my block of wood. Thankfully, that was our last class before the holidays, so I looked forward to collapsing on my bed to make up for the lack of sleep the night before.

James and Sirius had different ideas. They wouldn't let me sleep, and constantly took the mickey out of me for failing to complete my Transfiguration homework during class. Just because I'm an Animagus doesn't mean I am as perfect as those two at _every_ Transfiguration. It was all I could do to finally become one, and, as they constantly remind me, it was only with their superior help that I even became an Animagus.

Remus was stuck in the hospital wing for the day, recovering from last night. Thankfully he didn't do as much damage to himself as in times past, so he should be out by tomorrow morning if Madam Pomfrey sees sense. So, as James and Sirius snuck down to the kitchens for their usual before-supper snack, I went to the library to try and do the transfiguration homework.

So that is where I am stuck now. Still trying to do the transfiguration, and still being totally distracted by the riddle. What does it mean? If a woodchuck could chuck wood? Does that mean that they don't chuck wood? Why would they be called woodchucks then? What is chucking wood, anyway?

"Pettigrew? What are you doing here alone? Where's Remus?"

The voice _I_ dread came from behind me. How in the world had she snuck up on me? I swear she is a cat sometimes. Actually, that would probably explain my unreasoning fear of her.

"E-Evans?" I said, turning slightly to see the green eyes and red hair that filled James's dreams. I'm not exaggerating. He talks in his sleep.

Lily Evans was looking at me with a curiosity that would have to go unfulfilled. I would not betray my friends to her. But — her question _was_ reasonable. Usually Remus did study with me when I came in here.

"Er — Remus is up in the dormitory," I blurted out. Thankfully it was a plausible answer. I absolutely hate it when she makes me blurt out an answer that is not even possible.

I turned back to my block of wood, only to hear her say something that made my blood freeze.

"Oh, good. I need to remind him about our patrols tonight."

I swiftly turned and saw her gathering up her things at a nearby table. "He has patrols tonight?" I asked, my anxiety showing through.

She paused and looked at me. "Of course. Professor McGonagall reminded me right after class."

"Professor McGonagall?" I squeaked. I mentally winced. If I didn't act enough like a rat already, I just _have_ to squeak when I get nervous.

Evans regarded me curiously. Curiosity killed the Kneazle, I thought malevolently. "Why? Is something the matter?" she asked.

I was fuming inside. Surely Professor McGonagall remembered what last night was, and that Remus would be stuck in the hospital wing at least overnight, if not longer. I am proud to say that I didn't let any of my emotions travel over my face, unlike James; you can read his emotions completely through his eyes.

"He's just been feeling a little ill," I said. "I had hoped that McGonagall would have given him the night off to recover his strength."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," said Evans, sympathy oozing from her voice. "But it is just half an hour. Surely he can fulfill _that_ much of his prefect duties." Her tone had morphed into something more businesslike and I regretted not saying that he was in the Hospital Wing in the first place.

She surely would have understood. Madam Pomfrey's need to see that everyone stayed under her care for as long as possible was legendary by now. One time in second year, she had kept Remus in there a full week. But how could I get out of this now? Evans was planning on going up to the dormitories and lecturing Remus on doing his prefect duties, as if he didn't do enough already.

What could I do? Before I had made my decision, Evans stalked out of the library and into the hall. If I had just been able to distract her, get her mind off of her duties, but the only one that was successful with that was James. _He_ could always distract her, but not me. I was hardly worthy of notice. What could I do?

Everything is simpler when one is an animal. Ask any one of us. I looked around, making sure Madam Pince was nowhere around, and that no students were watching me. I quickly changed into my Animagus form. Wormtail was on the loose.

I had to find someone, and quickly. The first person to notice me crawling around was Snape. I glared at him with my little beady eyes, and scurried away before he got any ideas. I passed the Hospital Wing, before turning back and sneaking inside. Remus was asleep. Dead to the world and no help to me. Great. Back on my own.

I hastily made my way back to the Common Room. It was packed as usual, and I saw to my great relief that Evans had gotten delayed by some of her friends. I hurriedly went up the stairs to the dormitory and sat on my bed after transforming back. I had to make some kind of a plan. What could I do? If only Evans didn't have a cat's curiosity, or if she wasn't so dead set on her duties, I might be able to get away with a lie or two.

All too soon, I heard someone climbing the stair and opening the door cautiously. It was smart to open this particular door cautiously. There was no telling if one of us Marauders had played a prank on the next person to open the door. Evans found that out to her dismay in third year as her hair turned green from opening the door too hastily.

Evans peeked her head in, ready to withdraw it if needed, but stopped at the sight of me.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, exasperated. "And where's Remus?"

"Er—" I really hadn't thought through the conversation. I hadn't much time to think anyway and so I blurted out, "Remus is in the Hospital Wing."

I felt like banging my head against the wall. That was the one thing that I should never have said. If she went in there and saw Remus with his face scratched up, she would never leave us alone.

Her eyebrows raised. "Why?"

"I made him go. He was looking worse than he was this morning," I said hastily blurting out lies to cover myself. "I think he threw up when I was in the library."

"You_ think_?" she questioned.

I felt my eyes widen. "Er — Remus never really admits when he is feeling sick, so we have to, er, guess about him a lot."

"And this getting sick has absolutely nothing to do with avoiding his prefect duties?" she asked.

"No. Nothing at all," I sighed in relief. Perhaps I would survive this yet.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And it has nothing to do with you four sneaking out last night?"

I hate to admit this but she got me there. My silence was an admission of guilt in her eyes. I couldn't understand how she would have seen us, or known that we had snuck out last night. I had transformed up here in the dormitory, ridden on James's shoulder while the three of us were under the invisibility cloak. Remus had been escorted down to the tree by Madam Pomfrey, of course.

In my panic, I grabbed my wand and cast a spell on her. I don't know what spell that was, but she disappeared from my sight for the moment. I immediately dropped my wand in shock, and started hitting my head on the wall. If she hadn't known beforehand, she knew now.

A curious sound startled me from my reverie. I looked down at the floor near the foot of my bed to see a kitten, hissing and spitting at me.

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A/N: What do you think so far? I have interesting plans for this story. My first ever chapter story which I'm putting up on Fan-fiction! Can you believe it? I hope you enjoyed this little preview and will keep with me as I post the rest of the story.

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	2. 1: Lily Tails 2: Sirius Unwanted Mystery

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: When we left off last time, Peter was having some problems, yes?

* * *

_In my panic, I grabbed my wand and cast a spell on her. I don't know what spell that was, but she disappeared from my sight for the moment. I immediately dropped my wand in shock, and started hitting my head on the wall. If she hadn't known beforehand, she knew now._

_A curious sound startled me from my reverie. I looked down at the floor near the foot of my bed to see a kitten, hissing and spitting at me._

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: Lily**

How dare he do that! I was only asking a simple question. He shrunk me somehow and altered my structure so that I had to stand on my hands as well as my feet. It took a little practice to get myself coordinated enough to go around to his bed and chew him out for doing something like this.

He wasn't paying any attention to me! Pettigrew was busy pounding his head on the wall. Is this some sort of weird form of male entertainment? I swear I saw Potter and even Black doing this also. I started berating him for doing whatever he did to me. I threatened to curse him into oblivion before he turned and paid any attention to me.

How strange. The look on his face indicated that he did not understand a single word I had been saying. What is he? Deaf? I looked at him with consternation. What spell had he cast on me? A look of fear flitted across his face, and he collapsed.

Fainted? What had he done to me to make him faint when he beheld his handiwork? I immediately dashed into the toilet, tripping over my hands a few times. If only I could catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I climbed up one of the cabinets, my fingernails and toenails helping more than I would have thought possible.

When I looked in the mirror, I nearly fainted myself. I had a _tail_! What was I ruddy supposed to do with a tail? I tried lashing it, and to my dismay saw it responding in the mirror. This caused me to focus on myself more. I had ginger fur all over my body. Even on my face. I yelped in horror. That stupid Pettigrew had made me a cat!

I jumped off the sink and landed hard on the floor. I ran around in a panic until I managed to hit my head on the door. Everything got dark as I blacked out from the impact.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO: Sirius**

Climbing the stair to the dormitory, I would have never thought that I would find Peter unconscious lying on the floor. However, as soon as James and I spread wide the door to share the goods with Wormtail, I spotted him on the floor.

"Wormy! Wake up! We have cheese!" I said in a sing-song voice.

Wormtail didn't even stir.

"What's up with him?" asked James, kneeling down near him and feeling his forehead with the back of a hand.

I frowned. "Cheese always works," I pouted. I examined the scene more carefully. There was his wand, underneath him. I pulled it out, and said to James, "Lucky he didn't break it."

James grinned at me. "Trust Wormtail to Stun himself." James pulled out his wand and said, "Enervate!"

Wormtail's eyes fluttered open to look at us with pure horror. "The cat! The cat!" he exclaimed, "I didn't mean to do it!"

"Do what?" said James, exchanging an amused glance with me.

"The cat!"

"What cat?" I asked, surveying the scene. Surely Wormtail hadn't fainted because he had a nightmare. Then again, it was Wormtail we were talking about. "The cat in your dreams, that is always chasing you?" I suggested.

"No, Padfoot. The cat!"

I shrugged at James. He turned back to Peter and said, "I don't see a cat, Wormtail."

If possible, Wormtail's eyes got even wider. "She's not here? But Prongs, where is she? Where's the cat?"

I sighed. "Stop pulling our legs, Wormy. And eat your cheese."

"Cheese? Really?" Peter's worried expression faded for an instant, but then it came back. "How can I think about cheese when there is the cat to worry about?"

"I don't know what cat you keep talking about, Wormtail," said James as he went into the loo.

Seconds later, I heard a loud gasp, and the sound of a load of things falling out of a cabinet.

"Prongs!" I shouted dashing in there, only to trip over a kneeling James and slide painfully across the floor on my already bruised shoulder. "Ow!" I moaned, before sitting up and looking at what James had in his hands.

A kitten lay asleep in his grasp. A red furry little kitten. Where had that come from?

"Look Padfoot," James said softly. "Wormtail's cat."

All of a sudden, Peter appeared in the doorway. "The cat!" He exclaimed in fear, and nearly fainted again.

I quickly steadied him, and demanded he explain where the cat had come from.

Peter looked nervously at the cat, and so I said in a reassuring tone, "Don't worry about the cat. If it wakes up and starts chasing you, I'll chase it."

"Well," he stalled. "All right."

"Go on," James encouraged him.

"While you guys were gone, I went to the library, but Evans found me and started asking about Moony. I told her he was feeling ill and up in our dormitory, and she left to tell him that there were supposed to be patrols tonight," Peter said all in one breath.

"What?" exclaimed James. "There wasn't supposed to be patrols tonight for him. We got stopped by McGonagall on our way to the kitchens and she said that she had told Evans the wrong night."

"That's right," I added, "and if we were to see Evans that we would tell her so."

"Oh, good," sighed Peter. "I stopped by the Hospital Wing to check on Moony but he was out cold."

"How did you get in, Wormy?" asked James.

"I'm Wormtail," said Peter proudly. James groaned. I felt he should have seen that one coming.

"So the cat chased you as Wormtail and you got up here and changed back, and _still_ fainted?" asked James.

"Er—well," started Peter, but at that moment, the cat stretched and opened its eyes.

Peter fled to his bed, and I heard the sound of curtains pulling shut. I chuckled for a moment, before noticing that James had engaged the cat in a staring contest. I let out a laugh.

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A/N: Well, how was that? I've finally got a perspective from Sirius, Lily and Peter up now. They will be rotating to tell the story appropriately. I also combined Chapters 1 & 2 because 1 was so short, and it gets the numbers back in the right order. Stick around for more of Lily's reaction, and please review. I'd like to know what you think. 

Come on, can I get at least a couple more reviews before I give another update? I have it written on my computer to the eleventh chapter so far, but I want some more reviews. Is that really too much to ask? Just tell me your favorite part so far, or something.


	3. Chapter 3: Lily Names

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: A little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_"So the cat chased you as Wormtail and you got up here and changed back, and __still fainted?" asked James._

_"Er—well," started Peter, but at that moment, the cat stretched and opened its eyes._

_Peter fled to his bed, and I heard the sound of curtains pulling shut. I chuckled for a moment, before noticing that James had engaged the cat in a staring contest. I let out a laugh._

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**CHAPTER THREE: Lily**

I woke up to a feeling of absolute bliss. I was cradled gently in someone's hands, and it filled me with a sense of being home, being safe. My eyes fluttered open to see Potter, Black and Pettigrew gazing down at me. Pettigrew fled from my wrath, and I stared at Potter. It was to my horror that I finally figured out that he was the one who was holding me so gently.

Black laughed and that made me come to my senses. I was a cat, so I was perfectly entitled to use the arsenal of a cat. My claws came out and I was about to scratch up that pretty face of Potter's, but Black picked me up. Furious at not getting my proper target, I unleashed my claws on Black's hands, until he dropped me. I landed on all fours, and stumbled once before straightening.

I heard the reproachful, "Padfoot!" before I dashed out of the water closet. I ran straight to the door, to find out to my terrified alarm that it was closed all the way. I started scratching the door, trying to find a way out.

Potter and Black were still arguing.

"What was I _supposed_ to do?" asked Black defensively. "Look at these scratches! It's worse than Moony!"

"No, _she_'s not! And of course she scratched you," declared Potter. "You took her away from me."

"Yeah, and I suppose it was perfectly happy being with you?"

"She was! Stop calling her an 'it'!"

"How do you know it's a 'she'?" challenged Black.

"Wormtail said 'she'," declared James stubbornly.

"And you trust Wormtail to know the difference between a girl and a boy cat? When he can't even stand the sight of one?"

"Yes!" There was a pause. "Well..."

"Exactly." I could practically hear the smirk in Black's voice.

"Here, let me go and check."

"You think the cat is going to let you look there? When Evans hardly notices your presence?"

"Hey!"

"Sorry. That _was_ a low blow," acknowledged Black contritely.

"Yes it was," pouted Potter.

I was getting quite fed up with listening to this. I started begging for someone to open the door. Surely one of them would listen. One of these boys must understand.

Surely enough, Potter and Black soon came out of the toilet.

"What do you think it wants?" asked Black loudly. I hissed at him. Mark that down for one that didn't understand.

Potter grinned. "I think she doesn't want you around."

I tilted my head in acknowledgment. Potter at least got one desire correct.

"Wicked!" Potter exclaimed. "Do you understand us?"

I stared at him for a moment, wondering if he was serious, then nodded. Both his and Black's eyes widened.

"What's so mental about that?" I tried to ask.

"More meows," said Black disparagingly. "I think that was a coincidence."

I glared at him and deliberately shook my head.

Potter's eyes widened even farther. "Look at her eyes!" he exclaimed. "I'd recognize that glare anywhere."

I looked over at him in puzzlement.

"Do you belong to Evans, little kitty?" he asked, kneeling down.

I looked at him in increased consternation. I didn't belong to myself. And yet, how else could I explain who I belonged to, if it wasn't to myself? After a pause, Potter added, "Lily Evans?" One more moment of hesitation, and I nodded.

Both boys looked relieved. "I didn't know Evans had a cat," remarked Potter.

"Oh, really?" said Black. "I thought you knew all about Evans."

"Apparently not, if she's been keeping her pet cat away from me," said Potter.

I tried to roll my eyes. I'm not quite sure if that actually happened, but Potter grinned. "You sure learned a lot of mannerisms from Lily."

Pettigrew peeked his head through his curtains, and I took pleasure in hissing at him and watching him withdraw in terror.

"We probably should find Evans and give her cat back to her," suggested Potter glumly.

"Yeah," agreed Black. "We can tell her that McGonagall said that patrols were not tonight after all."

My attempt at exclaiming 'what?' came out as a big meow.

"Hey, little kitty," crooned Potter. "What's your name? What _would_ Lily Evans name her cat?"

Black looked amused. "You're the one with the crush, not me."

"I know," said Potter irritably. "I was talking to the cat, not you." Potter cleared his throat then said, "Petunia? Tuney?"

I looked at him in surprise. How in the world did he know my nickname for my sister? How did he know my sister's name in the first place?

"Rose? Lily always wanted her name to be Rose. No?"

How did he know that? I only admitted that in one game of Truth or Dare up in the girls' dormitory.

"Lils would be too confusing," Potter mused. "What about Red?"

Oh my. If I didn't stop him soon, he'd go on and on. I motioned with my hand, my _paw_, to go back.

"Lils?" he asked in amazement.

I nodded. I could tolerate him calling me that. Not Red.

"Lils," he said again, as if trying out the name.

It sounded surprisingly good rolling off his tongue.

"Well, come on then, Lils. Let's go find Lily Evans," said Potter. He held his hands out to me, expecting me to jump in them again, I suppose. I turned up my nose, and faced the door. I heard a laugh from above me and suddenly I was scooped up.

"Haughty little thing, aren't you?" said Potter as he opened the door with his free hand.

I glared at him for the indignity of being picked up, then squirmed in his grasp. I was not going to fall for the spell his hands cast upon me; not when freedom was in my sight.

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A/N: Well, what do you think? How was that? Should I continue with the little snapshot at the beginning of the chapter? Or is that too annoying? What do you think about Lily as a cat? What's your favorite part so far? I'm not so sure about this chapter, but it'll get better.

Why is it that the more one begs for reviews, the less reviews actually trickle in? I'm not trying to pressure whoever reads this, but I would honestly appreciate more feedback from almost 50 hits.

Oh, and those of you who have put this story on alert, I definitely want your feedback. You care enough about this story to be bugged every time I update, but do you care enough to let me know if you like where I'm taking it?

I will need to get some reader interaction soon and I want to build up a good reader base first. Every review makes my day. Hint-hint. But seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out.

Thanks for reading!


	4. 4: Peter and Sirius Great Mishaps

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The customary little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_"Haughty little thing, aren't you?" said Potter as he opened the door._

_I glared at him for the indignity of being picked up, then squirmed in his grasp. I was not going to fall for the spell his hands cast upon me; not when freedom was in my sight._

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR: Peter**** and Sirius**

PPPPPPPPPPPPPP

I stared at my curtains as I heard James and Sirius talking to each other.

Oh, Merlin. This is all my fault. What did I do? I've got to tell someone. But who? To think I almost told Sirius _and_ James. James would kill me if he found out I Transfigured Evans into a cat. Remus is still in the Hospital Wing. Maybe I could tell just Sirius. Oh, I don't know!

How could this all have started with a little rhyme about woodchucks? This was such a big mess. I don't even remember what words came out of my mouth to Transfigure Evans into a cat. James and Sirius have just left to take Evans back to Evans. How will that work?

The map! I have got to find the map! If they come back here and look for her on it, it will show her as the cat! I ripped open my curtains and dashed around checking Remus's bed and Sirius's things and I even rummaged through James's trunk. I hit Galleons there.

Well, I mean, I found it. I didn't actually hit Galleons. James isn't that rich. Well, maybe he is, but I wouldn't steal from my best mates anyway. It's an expression, yeesh!

I clambered up onto my bed. Got it! Phew! Just talk yourself through this, Peter. Everything will be alright.

Maybe this is all a big nightmare. Maybe if I just nibble a little of the cheese Sirius and James brought back, and take a nice nap, I'll wake up and everything will be taken care of. Please, please, let it be a nightmare.

I wonder what kind of cheese they brought. Ooh, yummy! Bleu cheese. Mmmm. I can relax now.

A-a-ah. I yawned, my eyes drooping. Nap. Yes. Ju-st a lit-tle na-ah.

* * *

SBSBSBSBSBSBSB

That — darn — cat!

I swear I'm going to chase it around the castle. She's worse than Filch's cat. It wriggled out of James's grasp, dashed down the stair, and scratched the back of the portrait of the Fat Lady until she swung open. James and I chased it down to the Great Hall where she immediately ran for the Slytherin table.

How thick can a cat be? No sensible animal goes near the Slytherins. She headed in a beeline for Snivellus. True, Evans and Snivelly are friendly towards one another, but still. I shook my head in dismay at James. He, however, wasn't looking at me. He was still following the cat's progress. It stopped right in front of Snivellus, looking at the slime ball intently. James drew his wand.

A bit of entertainment never went too amiss, but I noted Slughorn and McGonagall had noticed, and were watching intently and ready to intervene. I didn't feel like getting more than a week's worth of detentions at the moment (which is what either teacher would give us, let alone the combined punishments), but James apparently felt differently. True to my characteristic of a loyal best friend, I indicated that there _were_ teachers watching, in case he cared.

James frowned. He stuck his wand back loosely and strutted over to the Slytherin table. I shook my head. One just had to admire his nerve. Personally, I would have let the cat get her dues before rescuing it from the Slytherins.

"I believe this cat doesn't belong here, so I'll just take her to her owner," I heard James say as the hall hushed in amazement.

I swear the cat glared at James. It turned back to Snivelly, but James scooped her up quite easily.

"C'mon, Lils," said James softly. I can't believe he insisted on talking to the cat, especially in front of all the people in the Great Hall.

"Whose cat is it?" asked Snivellus. The Great Hall hushed even quieter.

"Evans's," said James, before turning and striding back to where I was standing partly in shock.

James didn't see the dropped jaw of Snivellus, or the amazement of the hall at witnessing an exchange that took place between James Potter and Severus Snape without wands — but I did. James was too busy trying to calm the squirming, hissing cat.

"What does she think she's doing?" James muttered, as the cat tried to make another run into the Great Hall. I quickly stopped her, immediately handing her back to James. I wasn't going to get any more scratches than necessary on my hands. After two more attempts where she succeeded at leaving James's grasp, he burst out, "Fine. Sirius, get Padfoot. Let's show her that we mean business."

"With pleasure," I said as I stepped into an empty classroom. I closed the door, checked to make sure it was truly empty, then transformed into the big bear-like black dog that was my Animagus form. I burst out of the classroom on all four paws.

I was delighted to see that I scared the wits out of the little kitten. It scurried up James's arm and buried its face in his hair, resting on his shoulder. I barked happily, before James looked at me in horror, and I realized we were still in the entrance hall. Which was right next to the Great Hall, which was still chock-full of teachers that were sure to remember that dogs weren't an allowed pet.

That rule was pure nonsense, in my opinion. Dogs do not have a greater capacity for destruction than, say, cats. Cats are malicious and will ruin things on purpose. Sure, sometimes dogs will have accidents, but dog-lovers should be able to bring their dogs, as much as cat lovers can bring their cats. It would give me better company than those annoyingly haughty animals hanging around the castle these days.

Ahem. I didn't mean to get started on a tirade against cats or anything. If I did, that would consume precious time.

Before the kitten had worked up the courage to look up from James's extremely untidy hair, I transformed back.

"How was that?" I asked grinning.

James winced as he casually examined the sleeves of his robes. "I dunno how I'm going to explain to Mum that I need new robes, when we just got some over the Christmas holidays."

I shrugged, just barely disappointed that he had treated my excellent transformation so lightly. "A guy's going to go through some robes now and again. Just tell her you blew something up. Blame it on the toilet from last week," I suggested.

The cat finally looked up. Was that an look of disgust on its face? My, that cat was expressive.

James rolled his eyes. "Blowing something up doesn't explain why my sleeves are shredded. Maybe if they were burnt off. . . . Oh, well. On to find Evans." He paused then turned to me. "I know you're hungry, Sirius. Go ahead and stay here and have some dinner." I shrugged again, not ready to admit yet what he had already seen, and stood there for a moment longer as he started up the grand staircase.

James muttered to the cat as he finally made it up the stair, "Only Snape is in the Great Hall. Evans is not, in case you didn't notice. So stop trying to go there."

My stomach rumbled hungrily as I grinned and went into the Great Hall myself.

* * *

A/N: Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me? 

I love irony, but I'll admit, sometimes dramatic irony gets on my nerves. And yet, I still write it. (grins guiltily) Just remember, Lily _is_ being quite aggravating, and Sirius doesn't yet know that the cat is Lily. He's still calling Lils "it" for goodness sake. And yes, I disclaim the phrase, 'That darn cat!' I just couldn't resist.

Why is it that the more one begs for reviews, the less reviews actually trickle in? I'm not trying to pressure whoever reads this (I'm a bit of a lurker myself), but I would honestly appreciate more feedback from so many hits. It gets kind of depressing watching the hits rise, but getting no new reviews. You could be the one to change that cycle! I promise I'll respond. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

And I'm trying to build up a good reader base of readers that will review. I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch, and you may get treats! Right, Mani? lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Especially this long author's note. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5: Lily Confusion

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The customary little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_James muttered to the cat as he finally made it up the stair, "Only Snape is in the Great Hall. Evans is not, in case you didn't notice. So stop trying to go there."_

_My stomach rumbled hungrily as I grinned and went into the Great Hall myself._

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE: Lily**

If only I had one more minute with Severus. He would have figured out what had happened to me. He was starting to recognize me, I swear. How do you not recognize your best friend, even if she's been turned into a cat? Six years we've been best mates. If only I had had ten more seconds, five more seconds. _Why_ did Potter have to drag me out of the hall?

I tried to go back. I tried my hardest, until Potter and Black unleashed that awful monster of a dog. Little dogs are rather cute, but big dogs scare the living daylights out of me. The fear was even deeper because I was currently a cat. Dogs chase cats. I dashed up Potter's arm and hid myself in the tangle of his hair.

I probably looked absolutely ridiculous, but it was the best hiding spot I could come up with on such short notice. How in the world did they get a dog into the castle? Dogs are not on the allowed list of Hogwarts pets. Cats, thankfully are, but I am absolutely certain dogs are not. And where did it disappear to?

It growled at me, barked a laugh a few times, and then was gone by the time I looked up again. Potter and Black were being stupid about the robes I had supposedly ruined. I looked down at Potter's sleeves. His arms were showing through in several places, and I admit I gloated. At least until Potter reminded me that Sev was still in the Great Hall and I was still missing in action.

Potter then took me to the library to look for myself while Black went and had a meal, and I leaped off of his shoulder to go look in the Transfiguration section.

Potter grinned when he saw me looking up at those books. "Good taste," he murmured as he looked around for Madam Pince, and his primary target, me.

"No Evans here," he sighed, picking me up once again. I meowed at him and reached toward a Transfiguration book titled, _Human Transfiguration, A Guide_. Potter glanced at my choice, and regarded me curiously as he set me down again, this time on the table. "Lils, that book is not worth anyone's time. It doesn't give out any more information than the average reader would already know." He reached for a book on a higher shelf, pulled it out, and set it next to me on the table. "This book is at least worth reading, though it still doesn't tell you everything about Human Transfiguration. To get to the real Animagi literature, you have to have a note from McGonagall. But there is no other better book someone can get without a note."

I regarded him in amazement. I knew that he was an expert in Transfiguration, but to know exactly what books to look at and which to not, or which need a note from a teacher . . . well, that implies that at one time he read all of these books.

He grinned. "What? Did Lily tell you all that I ever read is Quidditch stuff?"

I nodded. Easier than explaining that I was Lily and held those opinions myself.

He chuckled. "That's just because I've read all the books on Transfiguration. At least all in the Hogwarts library."

I dropped my jaw. All? I couldn't even dream of having read all the books in a particular section. The Hogwarts library was huge! Thousands upon thousands of books. If I was in my regular form I would accuse him of exaggeration and bragging. But why would he exaggerate to a cat?

"Did Lily ever tell you that Sirius and I skive off on one Transfiguration lesson every week or so?" James asked.

I nodded again. Of course I knew that. I berated him and Black every time for skiving off on the one subject they seemed to do the best in.

"Well, it's not really skiving, is it?" James mused. "McGonagall gave us the ongoing assignment to read every Transfiguration book and give her a summary of it and an evaluation of its usefulness to students. She'll eventually weed out the books like the Guide. She gives us one lesson off every week or so, to do that." He paused, then smiled a little guiltily, "and we sometimes use it to do other things, too." He cleared his throat, looking back at the book lying on the table, and grinned broadly. "Of course, we're so far ahead of the class that when she gives us N.E.W.T. level work, or even beyond N.E.W.T. level work, we are still excellent at it. I don't think even she realizes how excellent."

Did that qualify as bragging, I wondered. Surely one of those statements qualified as bragging. I shook my head, not knowing whether or not to believe it. James shrugged to himself, replaced the book on the shelf, and scooped me up again.

I was getting an unhealthy delight from his touch. James Potter shouldn't affect me this way. There was just something in his calloused hands that sent sparks tingling down my spine. I hadn't even forgotten that his hair smelled slightly of peppermint, contrary to my orders to myself. What was happening to me?

Where was James taking me now? He had said something about elves. 'The elves will be delighted,' or some such statement. He had taken me close to the Hufflepuff Common Room, but he stopped in front of a large painting of a bowl of fruit.

Why did he tickle the painting? How does one tickle a flat surface? Those were the only questions I had time to think of before James had grasped the handle that appeared and swung it open to reveal the Hogwarts kitchens. He quickly stepped inside and shut the portrait before he set me down.

About six house elves approached him immediately.

"Master James is back again?"

"What would Master James like?"

"Is there anything Blinky can do for Master James?"

"Should Mitsy get anything for Master James's kitty?"

"Would Master James like some of the treacle tart from tonight's dinner?"

"Is everything satisfactory, Master James?"

James grinned as they listened intently. "Let me see. Some tuna and milk for Lils, put that in a saucer, if you please. I would definitely enjoy some of the treacle tart, and maybe some of the shepherds pie you had earlier."

I stared at the saucer of milk that one of the house elves immediately provided me. I stared at it for quite a while, before I dredged up the nerve to stick out my tongue and lap up the milk. It took a long time, but I was able to drink all the milk. The instant I was done, a house elf whisked it away and brought me the plate that had chunks of tuna.

When this was brought to me, I gave James a hard look, but he just smiled at me. What was I to do? I couldn't eat with my paws, but I didn't _want_ to dig my whole face in. I gave a little huff, then relinquished my dignity and ate the chunks. I quickly set to cleaning myself up. My tongue was quite efficient if I say so myself.

I hate to admit this, but I got carried away and washed all of my fur before I realized that James had been watching me the whole time with a little half-smile on his face. The kind of patronizing smile one gives to little kids or animals, when they act cute.

I meowed at him, my exact words were 'What are we waiting for? Let's go.' But James, of course, only heard the meows. He laughed — a deep, hearty laugh — and stood up.

"Where should we look for Evans now?" he murmured to me, his hand resting on the portrait for a moment, after he had politely thanked the elves for their good food and service.

As soon as he opened the painting, I set out for the Gryffindor Common Room. If James wouldn't give me a chance to see Sev and get him to realize what had happened, then I would just have to do the communicating with my other friends. It would take a while longer, but it would be worth it, I assured myself.

"Good idea," agreed James once he realized where I was off to, and he followed me all the way back.

* * *

A/N: Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me? 

Wow. What a response. I had to update sooner than a week this time, just to give you all a treat. Yay! Keep on reviewing, please! I promise I'll respond. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

I'm trying to build up a good reader base of readers that will review. I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. For example, this one. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch, and you may get certain treats!

Anyway, thanks for reading! Have a good weekend!


	6. Chapter 6: Sirius Communication Errors

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The little snapshot from the end of the last chapter to keep in mind:

* * *

_As soon as he opened the painting, I set out for the Gryffindor Common Room. If James wouldn't give me a chance to see Sev and get him to realize what had happened, then I would just have to do the communicating with my other friends. It would take a while longer, but it would be worth it, I assured myself._

_"Good idea," agreed James once he realized where I was off to, and he followed me all the way back._

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX: Sirius**

After finishing my relatively peaceful meal and dealing with several different people who had to ask me whom the cat belonged to and why James hadn't used his wand on Snivellus, I was ready to head back to the dormitories for an after supper nap.

I went up to the dormitories to find an overly anxious Peter rocking back and forth on his bed. He saw me and jumped up.

"Oh, Sirius! Thank Merlin you're here!"

"Why?" I asked plaintively. I could feel a headache coming on.

"I have to talk to you about the cat," Peter declared.

I sighed. Not this again. "The cat will not chase you," I said flatly. "If it does, I will chase it."

Peter shook his head. "No, no. It's not about that," he dismissed and I breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed on my bed, at least until he spoke up again. "The cat is — well — it's a girl."

I lazily opened one eye. "I had hoped you were right about that," I remarked dryly. If _this_ was his idea of a pertinent conversation. . . .

"No, no, no. I don't mean it like that. I mean, the cat _is_ a girl, but—" he stopped and I rolled my eyes exasperatedly. He tried once again. "The cat is — the cat is a — a witch!"

I looked at him. Was he serious? "Yeah, the cat is a little witch." He breathed a sigh of relief until I showed him my hands. "Look at all these scratches."

"Argh!" Apparently I had frustrated little Wormtail. "The cat is — the cat is Evans!"

I stared at him strangely. Surely he had just forgotten to speak the possessive. "I know the cat is Evans's," I said, correcting him.

"You know?" asked Peter.

"Of course I know. The cat _told_ us she belonged to Evans."

"How would the cat —" burst out Peter. He took a deep breath. "Never mind. You are still not getting the point."

Well, what point was there to get?

"The cat was not always a cat," he declared proudly.

I gave a little sigh of exasperation myself. "Of course. It used to be an ickle baby kitten," I quipped. "Why the lesson on the life of cats?"

Peter stared at me. "Merlin, you're impossible!"

What? Why?

"Alright, let's start from a point I know you'll recognize."

"Which is?" I asked, rather cheekily.

"Evans cornering me in the library."

Speaking of Evans... I glossed over that and declared, "Yeah, I recognize that all right, but I have a question for you."

"Yes?" said Peter, looking apprehensively at me.

"How come you were the last to see Evans if she's so dead set on Moony's mystery?" I asked. It was a question I had been pondering all through supper. Well, when I'd had time to ponder.

Peter sighed. "I haven't been the _last_ to see her. It's just that no one has seen her in her normal form."

What was that supposed to mean? "You don't mean to say she's an Animagus or something," I had to make sure.

"No! No, no. Nothing like that." Peter paused. "Well, maybe, kind of, sort of, but not really." I raised my eyebrows.

Peter sighed and sat down on his bed, hard. I winced. The poor bed.

"Oh, this is all my fault!"

An improvement, but self-pity never gets anyone anywhere, so I prompted him, "What is?"

"I panicked," he admitted in a small voice.

I snorted. "You always panic."

"This time was — bad."

Great. Single sentence answers. They're always so annoying. "How so?" I said with exaggerated patience.

"I — I — I —"

Oh, so now he can't even get one word out. "Just spit it out," I exasperatedly instructed him.

"Evans turned into a cat."

I was about to say, 'Eh, that's not so bad,' but I didn't get that far before what he said registered in my brain. "Eh, _**what**_?"

This combination seemed to open the floodgates. "I honestly didn't mean to. I have no clue how I did it. I can't change her back. I don't even know what spell I used. I might have even made up a spell for all I know, but blimey if I know what words came out of my mouth just then—" I cut him off the most efficient way I know how: covering his mouth.

I paused for a moment letting all this information sink into my brain. Apparently Evans had actually come up to the dormitories and Pete panicked. And turned her into a cat. The same cat that had walked straight to Snivellus in the Great Hall, the same cat that had given me all those nasty scratches, the same cat that was now with James.

"Merlin's socks!" I exclaimed. "Do you mean to tell me that I left one James Potter caring for one Lily Evans in cat form?"

Peter nodded, relieved that I had finally gotten the point.

I roared with laughter. "Blimey! What will James say when he finds out?"

" 'When'?" Peter exclaimed, anxious once again. "He _can't_ find out!"

I gave Peter a patronizing look. "Wormtail, this is James we're talking about, not you. He _will_ figure it out."

"We've just got to make sure that he doesn't," declared Peter resolutely.

"He stalks the girl for Godric's sake!" I burst out. There is no way that we could hide this whole caper from James.

"Still. I've already taken steps," said Wormtail in a would-be reassuring tone.

I looked worriedly at him. "What steps?"

"Hiding the map, —"

I laughed, hitting my knee in an exaggerated fashion. " 'Hiding the map,' good one." I sobered instantly to show how unfunny I truly viewed that step. "No, _really_."

Peter gave me a look. "Really. And I've told you, so as soon as you change her back —"

"Wait. You actually _hid_ the _map_?" I looked around the room.

Peter nodded. "Of course."

"_Why_ did you hide the map?"

"One, it would give away the position of Evans to be the same as the cat. Two, it was fun, and three, I thought that was the best course of action," declared Peter.

I stared at him in shock. "But_ why_ did you _hide_ the _map_?" I wanted to shake him.

"I told you," stated Wormtail.

"But_ why_ did you hide the _map_?"

Wormtail rolled his eyes. "It was fun."

"But why did you _hide_ the _map_?" I repeated again.

Peter sighed and I gathered my wits about me. To think that _any_ Marauder would even _think_ of hiding the map . . . I shuddered.

I cleared my throat in slight embarrassment. "You expect me to change her back?" I remembered him saying something of the sort before I got sidetracked onto the map.

Peter nodded once more, looking hopeful and pleased. His face fell when I spoke again.

"No can do, little Wormy," I declared.

"What?" he exclaimed. I saw that he was going to go on his little pity-me speech again: Is it irreversible? Is it me? Is it you? (Blimey, that last bit sounds like a break-up speech) so I cut him off.

"Not until after the Easter Holidays, anyway," I shrugged.

"But, _why_?" said Peter, dismayed.

I gloated for an instant at making him as distressed as his news about the map made me, but I quickly sobered.

"Evans will understand, Wormtail. And I bet you ten sickles she'll agree with my reasoning." I stood and made my way to the door before turning and saying, "And it remains _your_ job to figure out how we can keep Prongs and Moony from suspecting too much."

I turned again and walked out, shutting the door to Peter's voice saying, "But — but — but — ! Argh!"

Ah, the satisfaction of walking down those stairs. Now I understood what we had happened upon, now I understood the gravity of hiding our, well, blatantly illegal activities, and now I understood the mysterious connection between James and the cat.

* * *

A/N: Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me? 

And we're back to the normal Tuesday updates. This marks the halfway point--meaning half of all the chapters I have currently typed up are online. But don't worry, there are plenty more chapters I have yet to write. Yay! Keep on reviewing, please! I promise I'll respond. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Oh, and yes, I do disclaim the inspiration of dialogue I received from Pirates of the Caribbean. I couldn't resist. Hilariously fun chapter.

I'm trying to build up a good reader base of readers that will review. Next chapter you will find out why I am so adamant about this. I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch, and you may get certain treats!

Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7: Peter and Lily Dogs

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_"Evans will understand, Wormtail. And I bet you ten sickles she'll agree with my reasoning." I stood and made my way to the door before turning and saying, "And it remains _your_ job to figure out how we can keep Prongs and Moony from suspecting too much."_

_I turned again and walked out, shutting the door to Peter's voice saying, "But — but — but — ! Argh!"_

_Ah, the satisfaction of walking down those stairs. Now I understood what we had happened upon, now I understood the gravity of hiding our, well, blatantly illegal activities, and now I understood the mysterious connection between James and the cat._

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN: Peter and Lily**

PPPPPPPPPPPPPP

What am I going to do? I told Sirius, but he said I have to work out a plan for the next two weeks of Easter break. Something that will keep James and Remus from suspecting too much.

I pulled out a quill and parchment, filled the quill with ink and began to write.

_Item one: Hide the map._

Done. Or well, relatively. No one would think of looking under my pillow, would they? Sirius reacted weirdly when he heard that I had hid it though. I've got to watch out for him snooping around.

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

Well, I did that. He gave me two weeks to work with before he transforms Evans back. I wonder why.

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Well, no one has posed any weird questions yet. But that's still a poor line of defense.

I've got to think of more things. Merlin. I forgot to consider that Remus would be around and suspicious too. I'm in big trouble. I'm not sure I _can_ keep it from both of them.

* * *

LELELELELELELE

Getting around the castle is quite an interesting feat for a cat. Everything looks different from down here, and I've managed to step in a trick stair three times so far. I haven't been that bad since first year. Of course, there is the added bonus of James picking me up every time I get stuck, but that's not why I'm this bad, I swear it's not! What is wrong with me? It must be the natural impulse to 'love the hand that feeds you' or some such nonsense. I swear, all this infatuation requires is a little sleep and distance.

Although how I am going to get distance from this prat that insists on following me around like a puppy, I'm not sure. Maybe once I get to the common room his friends will distract him and I'll be able to go to my own dormitory and persuade the girls that there is more to me than meets the eye.

Great. Black met us _just_ outside the portrait hole. Now I have to listen to their prattling until one of them opens the hole.

"Can I please, please look for Evans with the cat?" begged Black.

"Why don't you want me along?" pouted James.

"It's not that I don't want you around; it's more that I'll use my doggy persuading powers, and it's easier for dogs and cats to converse rather than throwing random animals in the mix," said Black delicately.

"Deer aren't random," said James flatly.

Say what? What is this conversation? Did I even hear him right?

"Sure they aren't," said Black, acting as if he was humoring James.

"Alright, I see your point," sighed James. He crouched down near me and spoke to me next. "Lils, go with Sirius. Everything will be ok. Just be nice to him, and the dog," he added as an afterthought.

"Great, let's go," said Black.

James straightened up. "I trust you to not lose track of her and keep all doors shut," he admonished Black.

Black nodded. "Yes, yes," he said impatiently. "Of course. It's not like I'm taking your baby daughter out for a date, James."

"You might as well be," glowered James. "Pets are sometimes referred to as the owner's children."

"How nice," said Sirius blandly. "C'mon Lils, let's go before James gets all mushy on us."

I considered him carefully. Did I really want to go with Sirius Black of all people? I didn't have much time to consider it, as James picked me up and handed me over.

I started hissing, spitting, and squirming. I had decided that I did _not_ want to be brought to his 'doggy persuading' chambers, but suddenly I heard Black whisper, "Lily Evans, _if_ you want to be a witch again, I suggest you be extremely nice to me."

I froze. Did he just say what I think he said? Could Sirius Black be an ally?

I remained in his arms, carried comfortably into an empty classroom, but as soon as he set me down to close the door, I blocked it. "What do you know?" I meowed.

Black shook his head in amusement. "If I didn't know what had happened already, I would've guessed by your behavior just then, Evans." He grinned. "Peter is extremely remorseful about what happened." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Extremely."

I allowed him to shut the door, but gazed at him so intently that he jumped when he turned back around.

"Blimey! No need to look at me like that. Now, how to do this?" he mused aloud. "It would be so much easier if you were a regular cat; one that wouldn't be transfigured back into your original form. I assume James was planning on telling you sometime, but I imagine that will occur when you are actually friendly to us." He sighed. "I'll communicate to you through Padfoot. Don't be surprised at anything Padfoot says. Through Padfoot, I will actually be able to understand what you are saying when you meow. Oh, and don't be frightened of him. He doesn't bite."

Sirius stepped out of the classroom, leaving the door open a crack. I was tempted to leave, but I resisted that, and soon the door swung open again, and swung shut with a bang.

It was all I could do to not run up the desk and cower. There stood that huge black dog that James and Sirius had snuck into Hogwarts somehow.

The dog turned and looked at me. _Don't be afraid. Nothing will hurt you._

The words entered my head, involuntarily, almost like a translation of the short whines and snuffs coming from the dog. I relaxed, not knowing why nor how. "So how is Sirius going to get me out of this form?" I asked.

_A simple spell, really.  
It's actually the timing that is the most important to discuss currently. The when, not the how._

"Why?"

_Is Lily Evans gone for the Easter Holidays or not? If you get changed back immediately Prongs will question you on where you were the whole day. Not to mention all the people that saw your cute little episode in the Great Hall. If you get changed back at the end of Easter Holidays, you can blame it on your cat getting loose before you left, and you didn't have time to find little Lils._

"I've never thought of Sirius as the smart one," I remarked.

_Hey_, pouted the dog. _What was that for?_

"Who's Prongs?"

_James, sorry. Anyway, do you agree?_

"To be miserable, searching for myself, and spending time with the Marauders for all of the Easter Holidays?" I asked skeptically.

_What do you want me to say? Yes? And Prongs won't search the entire break._

"That makes me feel _so_ much better," I remarked sarcastically.

_Good. Do you agree, then?_

"I doubt Sirius could be persuaded otherwise," I said longingly. I really missed walking upright.

_Nah, I — he has a bet with Wormtail that you will agree with him._

"He bet that I would agree?" I was dumbfounded.

_You have to understand how this will work,_ the dog went on. _On the last night of the Easter Holidays, I — Sirius will take you into an empty classroom and change you back. You will be back, mention nothing about these two weeks, and use the excuse I presented earlier. You will clue no one in on what has happened to you. The only people that will know the whole truth are Wormtail, Sirius, and you. You will act as catlike as you possibly can, not raising Prongs or Moony's curiosity._

"Moony?"

_Remus, sorry. I think of these people by their nicknames._

"And Wormtail is. . . ?"

_Peter, of course._

"Is that all the briefing?"

The dog nodded. _Excuse me and I'll go get — Sirius again._

The dog slipped out of the room and I didn't see him again as Sirius came back in and picked me up again and started walking back towards the Gryffindor Tower.

"Thanks for our little chat," said Sirius. "Now I have to go plant the idea that you left for the break in James's mind." He yawned. "And get some sleep. This next fortnight will be interesting."

Sirius never spoke a truer word.

* * *

A/N: Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me? 

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's part and his list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. I got up to eight on my own, and they were turning serious. (wrinkles nose) Not good in a humor fic.

And here's the normal Tuesday update. Keep on reviewing, please! I promise I'll respond. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Also, there is a _teensy_ chance I'll update on Friday. For Mani (as a birthday present), and for lonely.silence (thanks again for that _awesome_ review on Ch. 6). However Ch. 8 is almost like a double chapter, so decide when you want me to post it--Friday or Tuesday.

I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8: Peter and Lily Nighttime

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The short snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

The dog slipped out of the room and I didn't see him again as Sirius came back in and picked me up again and started walking back towards the Gryffindor Tower.

"Thanks for our little chat," said Sirius. "Now I have to go plant the idea that you left for the break in James's mind." He yawned. "And get some sleep. This next fortnight will be interesting."

Sirius never spoke a truer word.

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT: Peter and Lily**

PPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Now, why would Sirius insist that Evans stay in our dorm for two weeks? He has absolutely no reason to, I assure you. Except for the little fact that _he's holding my mistake over my head_! Of course, once James got that idea in his head, there was no arguing with him. _He_ doesn't know that it is Evans I trapped in the cat's body. Sirius also managed to get James to agree that if they can't find Evans by the end of tomorrow, she must have left for the Easter holidays.

James would probably be delighted to find out that the cat is actually Evans, especially since the cat is _that_ affectionate to him. For tonight, the cat is on Remus's bed, but I have a feeling that as soon as Moony is back, Evans will be up for grabs on who's bed to sleep on. I pulled out my list to jot down another item.

_Item four: But don't start laughing when an ironic situation comes up._

Nothing ironic yet, but if the cat starts sleeping on James's bed...

I am going to keep adding to my list until I have something happen. Sirius! Give that back! Ooh, Sirius took a look at my list and burst out laughing. Blimey, I can't help that the first four things I thought to do were rather pathetic.

"What are you looking at?" asked James curiously.

"Er, nothing," I squeaked.

Sirius smiled. "Wormtail's list of what to do if something goes wrong."

James looked over Sirius's shoulder and read the first item aloud. "Hide the map. _Hide_ the _map_? Pete, why would you ever _consider_ hiding the map? Where would you hide it anyway? Under your pillow?" James laughed.

I pursed my lips in embarrassment and waited for them to get onto a different topic of conversation before closing my curtains and lifting my pillow up to grab the map. Alright, so I need a better hiding spot for the map. It doesn't mean I'm completely an incompetent dunderhead.

Maybe I should put it under my bed. Oh, Merlin, that is still too predictable. I sat looking at the piece of parchment that held the map and a brilliant idea struck me. Oh, what a wonderful, excellent, smart, clever, bright, ingenious, shrewd, crafty, gifted, cunning idea.

I should hide the map under Sirius's bed! He'll never think to look there. Now all I have to do is wait until James and Sirius and Evans fall asleep.

Finally! James and Sirius have stopped talking. I hear curtains shutting.

"Good night, Padfoot," said James.

"Good night, Prongs," said Sirius.

There was a little pause, then they both shouted, "Good night, Wormtail!"

I groaned like I usually did, and muttered, "Good night, Padfoot, Prongs," before turning in my bed.

About ten minutes later, hearing heavy breathing coming from both of them, I peeked out of my curtains to see if the coast was clear. Everything looked silent; even Evans was curled into a ball on Remus's bed. I got off my bed as silently as possible, which wasn't very silent. All the squeaking and groaning that the mattress could possibly make, it made.

I tiptoed quietly across the room, stubbing my toes a few times, wincing and muttering curses every single time. When I was stopped in the dead center of the room, having just stubbed my toe _again_, James started moaning.

He _just_ reminded me why I try to get to sleep before him on most nights. Moaning and groaning about toothpaste? What was that he just said? Fish and chips and biscuits? That was actually quite delicious, if I say so my — Wait, McGonagall? Eww. I wrinkled my nose and tried to tune out James.

Before I could take another step, I realized my mistake. The map was still laying on my bed.

How could I be so stupid? My wand wasn't even handy; I had laid it on my bedside table. I had to turn around, tiptoe all the way back to my bed and stub my toes a second time on every single thing on the floor.

Getting back to the middle of the room by avoiding everything I had stubbed my toes against the first and second times, I discovered that there were even more things to stub my toes on. Golly, that hurt. This is harder than it looks!

Ow! I had to start hopping as I stepped on something sharp and pointy. This was not fair. Not fair at all! I got a splinter from Sirius's broomstick? No, wait. That is not Sirius on the bed. That's the cat! Remus's bed. Argh! Remus's broomstick poked me! _Again_!

Wait, I'm supposed to be at Sirius's bed. Good Godric — Mangy Merlin — Slimy Slytherin — Wilting Ravenclaw — Huffy Hufflepuff. Finally, I'm all the way back to the middle of the room. I took a step towards Sirius's bed when I felt eyes watching me.

* * *

LELELELELELELE

Has it only been since just before dinner that I've been a cat? It seems so much longer.

I have to admit that my first night in the Marauders dormitory was particularly hilarious. James wouldn't stop muttering about food, and Pettigrew looked like he had a hidden agenda. To explain the full effects of Pettigrew's madness, I suppose I should describe how the room was set up.

As you come into the tower room dormitory, there are four beds set up in an 'X' formation. On your left is Remus's bed and on the right is Pettigrew's. Next to Remus's bed is James's, making James's bed directly across from Pettigrew's. In between Pettigrew's and James's beds was Sirius's. This made Sirius's bed directly across the room from Remus's.

For some reason, Pettigrew got out of bed and walked to the middle of the room like he was going to James's bed. He stopped, turned around and went back to his bed, and grabbed a piece of parchment. He went to the middle of the room again, turned to his left and approached Remus's bed. I quickly closed my eyes, feigning sleep, and heard a loud repeated hop. Pettigrew's muttering of curses faded slightly as he once again approached the middle of the room.

I gazed at him in pure amusement. He froze, then turned around.

"Go to sleep, Evans," he murmured. I sat up and stretched my defiance. Resting on my haunches, I stared insolently at him. If he thought I was going to obey him, he was sadly mistaken.

"Sleep, kitty cat, sleep," he muttered. This statement just caused me to remember that it is all his fault that I'm a cat in the first place. Instead of calming me down, this riled me and I raised a paw, revealing my claws as I made a show of grabbing at air.

He cowered in fear. Really. I'm not exaggerating. He literally cowered. I wondered for a moment why he was so particularly afraid of me, but brushed that off as fear of my wrath coming upon him as soon as I am changed back. There is only so many ways of enjoyably tormenting little Peter Pettigrew, so I lay back down, and watched him lazily as he approached James's bed.

He hit the palm of his hand to his forehead repeatedly and made the journey back to the center of the room. I supposed he was trying to get to Sirius's bed. It was the only one in the room that he had not approached already. But that was weird. Why would he start from the middle of the room when he could just climb out of bed on the right side and go straight there? Is he completely an incompetent dunderhead?

I really shouldn't ask those sort of questions when I'm talking about Peter Pettigrew. Obviously, he is.

Peter finally made it to Sirius's bed. He stuffed the parchment underneath it, hobbled back to his bed, passing once more through the center of the room, and lay down to sleep.

I curled up once more, but before I slept, I heard Pettigrew muttering that stupid little tongue twister that James had been saying in Transfiguration. _How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?_ I smiled. I knew the answer. Perhaps, just perhaps, I might take pity on the little fellow and tell him the answer.

Nah.

What in the world is James muttering about now? Green and red? Must be dreaming of Christmas. Merlin knows he loves his spoiled little boy time.

I closed my eyes. This was bound to be an interesting fortnight, especially with the Marauders as my companions.

_

* * *

_

_Peter's List _

_Item one: Hide the map._

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

* * *

A/N: And the first evening is finally over! Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me? 

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's part and his list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. I got up to eight on my own, and they were turning serious. (wrinkles nose) Not good in a humor fic. I'll need ideas by Chapter 10, so put your brains to work. (Shocked) No, house elves! I didn't mean it like _that_! Get your heads off the floor this instant. (Looks suddenly shifty) No, Hermione. _I'm_ not ordering around the house elves. (Relieved) Phew! Anyway...

Happy Birthday Mani!

Thank you lonely.silence!

I got enough reviews to spur me onto putting this up. I am skipping the traditional Tuesday update this following week though. I've got to keep ahead of my updates, you understand. I am not in any danger of abandoning this fic. It's just this is Chapter 8 already. Keep on reviewing, please! I promise I'll respond. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9: Sirius Aftermath of Full Moon

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The short snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_I curled up once more, but before I slept, I heard Pettigrew muttering that stupid little tongue twister that James had been saying in Transfiguration. _How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?_ I smiled. I knew the answer. Perhaps, just perhaps, I might take pity on the little fellow and tell him the answer._

_Nah._

_What in the world is James muttering about now? Green and red? Must be dreaming of Christmas. Merlin knows he loves his spoiled little boy time._

_I closed my eyes. This was bound to be an interesting fortnight, especially with the Marauders as my companions._

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE: Sirius  
**

The next day was as boring as the first. Even more so now that I knew Prongs was going after a hopeless case. We weren't going to find Evans because we were carrying her around with us constantly.

I finally convinced James to let me have the afternoon off. There was no way I was going to let some pointless searching dissuade me from visiting a friend. And trying to get aforementioned friend out of the clutches of the mistress of the Hospital Wing.

Yes, my dear friend, I was set on Remus sleeping in his own bed tonight. If only to see his reaction to the previous day's absurdities.

All right, I'll admit it. I wanted to see Wormtail squirm, too. He had completely forgotten how suspicious Moony can be. Because of Moony's own secret, other secrets don't long survive in his presence. Excluding pranking secrets, of course.

Remus insists that he doesn't _want_ to know.

Anyway, the battle between Madam Pomfrey and myself commenced right on schedule, aided and abetted by Remus.

"Look, he's awake, he's fine. We will not stress him too much and he will get his fair share of fun."

"Mr. Lupin will not leave this room for at least one more day, I must get him back to his proper health."

"If being a werewolf is healthy," muttered Moony.

"But look at him! He's lonely; he needs us," I insisted.

"Then I'll allow extra visiting hours for you three. Mr. Lupin will stay under my care for another night."

"Do you see him laughing?" I accused.

"What?" asked Moony.

Madam Pomfrey gave me a hard stare, but that hasn't dissuaded me before, and I went on.

"Laughter is the best medicine. No offense, but I don't see many things that are funny in the Hospital Wing. Now in our dormitory we can entertain Remus and cause him to laugh and therefore get healed more quickly."

Remus grinned. "Did I just hear you say 'therefore'?"

"Purely for your benefit, mate," I insisted. "See, I come here and he grins. He leaves with me and he laughs."

Madam Pomfrey frowned.

I'm making progress.

"You make him stay when I have to leave, and what immediately happens?" I asked, then answered myself. "A long face. A face that will not laugh in a long time, and will not heal his poor condition."

Madam Pomfrey sighed.

She's giving in already? I barely got started. Wow. This is a first.

"Mr. Lupin will stay the night, and leave tomorrow morning. That is my final decision."

Ouch. It burns. I glanced over at Remus. He is fit to burst with laughter. That won't help my case very much.

"Come on, just this once, can you not pamper everyone that comes into your care?" I muttered to myself, barely audible.

I looked her in the eye, making sure my eyes were flashing mischievously as I spoke in a louder tone. "If you want more patients to baby, I could easily provide you with plenty," I threatened, an innocent smile upon my face. "Remus isn't that much of a problem, but what about that Aubrey kid that was in here the other month? I heard he kicked and screamed and set up such a fuss that he had to be put to sleep to fix his problem."

Madam Pomfrey's eyes grew wide with fear.

I grinned. I had picked the right story. Bertram Aubrey had a profound fear of anything Hospital related — needles, potions, bandages, wands, you name it. You could hear his screams thirteen corridors away, and nothing had touched him yet.

Madam Pomfrey regarded me for a moment, then gave a curt nod. "If that is what I must do to keep the students of Hogwarts safe and sound, then Mr. Lupin can leave the Hospital Wing tonight."

She swept along to her office, and Remus and I did the Marauder Handshake in celebration.

Shake. Snap, clap, wiggle, bump, knock. Snap, snap, clap, clap, slap, whip, tap, tap. Clonk, clap, clonk, clap, clonk, clap, clonk. 

Moony and I reeled back, holding our heads.

Next item on the agenda: Convince Prongs to come up with a new Marauder Handshake that does _not_ involve head-butting.

"Prongs comes up with some strange notions," said Remus, gingerly touching his forehead.

I burst out laughing.

"What?" asked Moony.

"You haven't seen the latest," I choked out, and dissolved in laughter again.

"The latest?" asked Moony, looking worried.

I shook my head, and calmed myself enough to say, "Let's get you out of here, and then you can see for yourself."

Madam Pomfrey came sweeping out of her office with the necessaries to get Remus released, gave me a glare of deepest loathing, and sniffed haughtily as we hobbled out of the Hospital Wing together, laughing once more.

* * *

_Peter's List _

_Item one: Hide the map._

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

* * *

A/N: And enter Moony (Evil laugh). Madam Pomfrey was a nice character, don't you think? She'll be coming back in at least one later chapter.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. I got up to eight on my own, and they were turning serious. (wrinkles nose) Not good in a humor fic. I've got enough for chapter ten, but keep them coming!

Fifteen reviews last chapter? WOW! I put this up at the earliest I could to still keep my word from last chapter. Thank you for your consideration of that tiny hiatus. I finished one and a half new chapters! Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. It's just one extra line.

I know you must hear this alot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10: Lily and Peter Commons

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The short snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

_I shook my head, and calmed myself enough to say, "Let's get you out of here, and then you can see for yourself."_

_Madam Pomfrey came sweeping out of her office with the necessaries to get Remus released, gave me a glare of deepest loathing, and sniffed haughtily as we hobbled out of the Hospital Wing together, laughing once more._

**

* * *

CHAPTER TEN: Lily and Peter**

LELELELELELELE

Let me see, I've been hauled around to the library once more and the kitchens thrice, and watched as James and Peter searched the Common Room thoroughly for any sign of me. Sirius was the lucky one — he got to escape just as James was proposing the three of them wander the halls, patrolling for me.

The reason I considered Sirius to be lucky? James had suggested that we split up, Peter and Sirius searching together and James and I as a team. More one-on-one time for me with James. That never ends very well. Er, well, except for yesterday.

Not going there. I'm not even going to think about that. Like I'm not going to think about that hairball I coughed up this morning.

On a different subject, these people must not think I have a life. They obviously don't know where to look for me.

Although, I have to admit, if I'm not with my friends, I do spend an inordinate amount of time in the library. But that is perfectly acceptable during school days. I also am finding the need to say that there isn't a holiday that I am at Hogwarts that I do not spend curled up in a comfy armchair reading a book. Actually, I do that at home too. Curl up with a good book, I mean, not spend time in the library.

Argh, fine. Potter knows me better than I'd like to admit. Most of the time it seems like he is actually reading my mind. I wonder if he is a Legilimens. That could explain a lot. On the other hand, if he was, why would he bother provoking me when I'm clearly not in the mood?

Whatever. I'm not thinking about James right now. Not how he smells even more of peppermint right after his shower, nor the spell his hands weaved on me as he stroked my back — my _fur_. Nope, none of that stuff.

I jumped down from the back of an armchair, only to see James approaching one of my friends, Ruby.

"Hey, do you know where Lily is?" he asked.

I winced. He just _had_ to ask Ruby.

"Nope, I don't," she said brightly.

"Tha—" started James.

"Haven't seen her since last night, just after she came back from the library," Ruby interrupted. "I asked her what she was planning on doing for the Easter Holidays and she said she hadn't decided."

"We—"

"Now that was a fishy answer if you ask me," Ruby babbled on. "I told her to hold it right there and give me a straight out answer, but she ignored me! Can you believe it? Just straight out ignored me!"

James looked befuddled. I winced again. I wasn't going to be hearing the end of that conversation for a very long time.

"I'm —"

"Muttered something about prefects duties and left me," declared Ruby. "Didn't even sleep in her bed last night. Now there's something you don't see every day."

I glanced around, looking to see what had caught her interest.

All I saw in the common room were some of Sirius's fan girls swooning over one of his pictures. That wasn't at all unusual.

I haven't mentioned that little dynamic yet, have I? Yes, the four boys known as the Marauders each have had their own fan club.

James's was comprised of the most hopelessly romantic girls, the type that got their pleasure from hearing or seeing romantic things that were done for other people. Namely me. They were all moderately jealous of me, but I swore to them that I didn't ask for the attention. And, so far, there hasn't been any bad repercussions from them. Well, other than a group of them coming up to me and telling me to stop breaking his heart. Like I was actually a heart-breaker.

Remus's fan club had loved his witty banter and intellectual pursuits, but they fell apart after he consistently avoided any form of relationship. The farthest he would go with a girl currently was make the transition from acquaintances to friends.

Peter's fan club was made of the kind-of-scary girls. Weirdos, you know? Those that thought he was cute just because he was a Marauder. No other basis. Of course, Peter was likable enough once you got to know him, but he was certainly not very fanciable in my opinion. Something about the pointed nose, the mousy hair, the short stature, and the watery eyes got to me, in completely the wrong way for fancying. Now, if you pointed out someone taller, with clear light brown eyes, and either casually well-set or extremely messy hair. . . That would be someone to fancy.

But even though Peter's fans were weirdos, the most frightening girls belonged to Sirius's fan club. Insanely jealous of any one of the group that was favored by Sirius, they would ostracize that member until she broke down and broke up. Otherwise, they considered all the girls in the club their best mates for life. They would constantly be telling stories of Sirius, swooning over a picture of him, or glaring at the most recently favored girl of Sirius. Really obsessed, if you ask me.

So, all in all, typical behaviour in the Common Room. I looked back over at Ruby and James.

"The —"

"I've never seen that cat before. Or have I? I can't keep track of all the gossip that goes on _and_ everyone's pets. Does that adorable kitty belong to you, James?"

James shook his head. "Act—"

"I didn't think so. Boys are always one for dogs, aren't they?" Ruby had cut off an increasingly frustrated James once again. "Do you at least know the cat's name?"

"Li—" started James.

"Oh, just like you to name your cat after Lily," gushed Ruby, forgetting that James had not claimed ownership.

"Speaking —" I blinked in astonishment as James managed to get two syllables out for the first time since he started the conversation.

"Oh, of course I won't tell," said Ruby in a reassuring tone. "I don't want to get Lily all mad, especially since she ignored me and walked off without another word!"

I was right. Ruby would keep harping on that particular indiscretion for a while. I could tell by James's awkward stance that he was contemplating doing the exact same thing Ruby was accusing me of.

I could see him mentally weighing the pros and cons. For one, he could escape and not be stuck in this conversation. On the other hand, she would tell everyone how discourteous James was to her. Of course, she might equate me to him, and tell everyone how we belonged together.

Ack! Did I just think that? That would be a pro in James's mind, not mine, of course.

Anyway. . . Ruby was babbling on, looking completely unaware of James's discomfort; in fact, she looked totally unaware of her surroundings at the moment.

Just then, Sirius came strolling into the common room, one arm dragging Remus along with him. How exactly one strolls into the common room from clambering through the portrait hole, I'm not exactly sure. Remind me to ask the dog.

"Remus, you're out!" exclaimed James, joyfully turning from Ruby.

"Madam Pomfrey always sees sense eventually," smirked Sirius.

Remus gave Sirius a playful shove. "You didn't have to threaten to put Aubrey back in there. I was perfectly fine with staying another night."

"Aubrey? Bertram Aubrey?" James raised his eyebrows, hiding his mirth. "Wasn't he the kid —?"

Sirius nodded, a huge grin blossoming on his face.

As Remus and James erupted into laughter, Sirius caught my eye and mouthed 'Be a cat.'

I gave a little huff, then came over and started rubbing Sirius's leg, just to annoy him. I soon gave that up (with the encouragement of a pointed look from Sirius) and went over to James. To my pleasure, James was much more affectionate: crouching down and stroking my fur. He even scratched me behind my ears.

Remus cleared his throat, and James looked up. Even though he wasn't looking at me, James kept a hand gently moving over my fur.

"Care to explain?" asked Remus, looking curiously between the three of us.

"Remus, meet Lils. Lils, this is Remus," said Sirius, grinning like a maniac. I felt sure he knew how much this would irritate me.

"Lils?" Remus looked at Sirius in shock, quickly glancing at James for confirmation.

James nodded complacently, still stroking my fur.

Remus looked anxiously around, then said, "Are you sure that's wise? I mean, if Lily heard you —"

The laughter of the two other boys drowned out the rest of Remus's protest.

Remus glared at them as they quieted down once more. "Don't play pranks on me like that," he instructed.

James now looked bewildered. "What prank?"

Sirius joined in, "What are you talking about, mate?"

"The prank — that you two just laughed at. . . . Wasn't it a prank?" finished Remus looking rather confused.

James grinned. "No. We were laughing at the irony."

"You telling us that Evans might object to hearing us call her own cat by the name she gave it," explained Sirius.

"She — what?"

"We're cat-sitting for Evans while she's gone for the Easter Holidays," clarified James.

"Cat-sitting?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows at the term.

"Yeah. It's like babysitting, except that Lils is a cat, not a baby."

I couldn't resist saying, 'Thank goodness,' and it directed Remus's gaze to evaluating me.

"How did you manage to get Lily to agree to this plan?" asked Remus.

I snorted, and passed it off as a sneeze. Cats do sneeze, right? Oh well. "Bless you," muttered James anyway.

Sirius looked right at me. "Fact was, she didn't have much choice in the matter. James found her cat in our toilet, passed out, and apparently Evans has left for the Easter Holidays without letting us give Lils back to her."

"In our toilet?" Remus made an odd face.

"She had chased Wormy up to the dormitory, then knocked herself out in her panic," explained James.

"And Peter?" asked Remus worriedly.

"He's fine now. He just fainted. After he — er —" Sirius cast an apprehensive glance at me.

James followed his line of sight, then gave a hearty laugh. "For Merlin's sake, Sirius. She's just a cat!"

"Just a cat?" asked Sirius aggressively. "Would any old cat be able to understand what we say? Be able to communicate back with us?"

James's eyes widened in revelation.

* * *

PPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Are you wondering where I am while James and Evans are in the Common Room? I managed to escape to the dormitory to continue my list of what to do if something goes horribly, awfully, terribly wrong. Like it had yesterday.

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Yes, I know. I need to remember to just keep breathing. I do not want to faint again.

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

I can't breathe too much.

I looked at the two rules I just added. Golly, this is confusing. Keep breathing but don't breathe too much. I'll just have to work on it. Anything to keep the secret from Remus and James.

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

There's no need to worry about that. Except to laugh about ironic situations. Hang on. Isn't that covered by number four? I looked back up at item four. Merlin's beard. I can't laugh about ironic situations? _That_ rule just took all the fun out of my life.

_Item eight: Change the subject if it's hitting too close to home._

Now, all I need is a list of subjects to sidetrack the conversation with. Let me see, food, Quidditch, homework, Quidditch, and did I mention Quidditch? That's for James. For Remus there's food, homework, recent books, chocolate (it doesn't fit under food, I swear), and juicy, tender, raw steaks (that one is a whole subject by itself). I'll have to work on my technique for changing the subject though. The last time I tried to change a subject, Sirius pursued it even more doggedly.

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

That's easy enough. Except, I always look suspicious. I thought it added to my appeal. The mysterious, lone suspect. I can't help looking suspicious, can I? I'm a rat, for Godric's sake. I don't know how to not look suspicious. I need an easy rule.

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason behind this list._

Phew. Finally I thought of a relatively easy rule. Except, what if the other Marauders tickle-torture me? I have always given in to their tickle-torture. I _hate_ Rictusempra. I glowered at my piece of parchment before I realized what number I had completed.

Ten's a good place to stop, don't you think? I wonder what is happening in the common room. There hasn't been any explosions down there. What could they be up to? I better go check on the situation. Signing off.

Did — did I just think something that stupid? I wonder where I got that phrase from. Argh. Not helping. Got to go to the door, grasp the handle, open it, and _stop_ thinking about _stupid_ things.

_

* * *

Peter's List_

_Item one: Hide the map._

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: My first full-blown cliffie! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Is startled as lightning suddenly flashes through the clear blue sky) Er, hem hem. Anyway...

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Thanks to Tang Si Ming-Yue for items six, nine, and ten. I have a list now of all the suggestions so far and who made them, so they'll be coming. Yay for lists!

Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line.

I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11: Sirius A Distracting Plan

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The tiny snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_Ten's a good place to stop, don't you think? I wonder what is happening in the common room. There hasn't been any explosions down there. What could they be up to? I better go check on the situation. Signing off._

_Did — did I just think something that stupid? I wonder where I got that phrase from. Argh. Not helping. Got to go to the door, grasp the handle, open it, and_ stop _thinking about_ stupid _things._

* * *

And, because I'm nice, here's that cliffhanger:

* * *

_"Just a cat?" asked Sirius aggressively. "Would any old cat be able to understand what we say? Be able to communicate back with us?"_

_James's eyes widened in revelation._

* * *

**CHAPTER ****ELEVEN: Sirius**

Aah! Oh bloody Merlin, how could I have let that slip? Everything was going just fine until I had to realize what I was saying and stop before Evans got too much information. And then I just _had_ to open my bloody big mouth and say things that undoubtedly are true, but Prongs and Moony hadn't made the connections yet. Okay, shut it, brain, James is speaking.

"Lils — Lils is a Kneazle!" James said, amazed at his own brilliance. Wait, brilliance? Kneazle?

"Say what?" I blurted out, astonished. This was _not_ the realization I had been expecting.

"A Kneazle. Sure she doesn't have the outsized ears, or the tail like a lion, but she must have some Kneazle ancestry to understand us and communicate with us," declared James.

I opened my mouth to argue, but decided that now wasn't the time. I was _not_ trying to make Prongs suspicious, I was _not_ trying to make Prongs suspicious, I was _not_ trying to make Prongs suspicious.

Moony saved me by asking, "She can communicate with you?"

"Communicate with anyone, I suppose," said James. "I reckon she tried to communicate to Snivellus yesterday, but nothing gets through his thick head."

I was fit to burst with laughter. Oh, the expressions on that cat! James has no clue he's insulting that grease spot to Evans's face. She stalked away from James after giving the clueless stag a glare, and started meowing to herself.

I feel that if I were transformed into Padfoot, I'd hear her muttering along the lines of 'Nothing gets through _his_ thick head? Hmph. Nothing gets through _your_ thick head, more like.'

I'm glad I'm not Padfoot right now. James has his own reasons why he hates Snivelly, but I'm not so sure those reasons would fly with Evans.

"Prongs guessed her name and her owner and she agreed with him. She didn't particularly like me at first, and I'm trying to keep it that way," I said to Remus.

"Interesting," remarked Remus. "Where's Wormy now?"

"Upstairs," said James absentmindedly, still crouched on the floor, looking curiously after the cat.

I couldn't stifle a snort of laughter.

"What's so funny about that?" asked Remus.

"He must be working on his 'end of the world' list," I grinned.

This got James's attention, and he smirked at us as he stood. "Guess what his number one thing to do is, Moony," he instructed.

Remus shrugged. "I dunno."

"Hide the map," James burst out, laughing.

Moony's eyes widened. "He doesn't actually _have_ the map to hide, does he?"

"Course not," said James. "It's in my trunk."

I grinned evilly. Wormtail must have been bluffing. I had looked under his pillow this morning to see if James's guess last night was right, but there wasn't anything there. And then Wormy shot me a triumphant look. What was up with that?

Speaking of Wormtail, here's the little devil. He just came down the stair with a puzzled look on his face. At least until he saw Moony. His expression changed into worry that grew more intense as he spotted the cat a meter or so away.

"How's the list going, Pete?" teased James.

"Up to number ten," replied Peter in a vague tone, keeping a steady gaze on Evans.

"What did you put down?" I asked.

He shrugged and finally looked at the rest of us. "You'd just take the mickey from me, so why would I tell you?"

Remus gave a half-grin. "True."

I started to pout. Several girls around the common room sighed. I frowned. There goes the chorus of sighs again. Can't I make one facial expression without getting mobbed by my fan girls? Okay, okay, so they haven't mobbed me. Yet. Some of those girls are scary. I learned early on never to date any of them.

Onto a different topic. Let me see. I know. Pranks! Pranks for the Easter Holidays.

"So," I said, flinging myself down on a nearby couch (to more sighs that I'm just going to ignore from now on). "We're all here, with nothing to do, and I'm bored," I hinted.

"You always could study for the O.W.L.s," suggested Remus, settling himself into a nearby, and quite comfortable, armchair.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he just grinned, knowing how much an answer like that irritated me. "I — don't — study," I growled.

Wormtail and Prongs roared with laughter at our interchange. Moony grinned triumphantly as he replied, "I know you never _did_. But that doesn't mean you can't _start_."

I have now decided that I dislike Moony.

Joking! But he _was_ being a real pain in the you-know-where. Thankfully, James got the message.

"So, Padfoot, what did you have in mind to . . . _occupy_ our time?" said James, gingerly stressing the one word.

I shrugged casually. "We haven't pulled a prank in a while."

The response was immediate. Remus sat up straighter, Peter plopped himself on the floor close to the couch and armchair looking at us with an eager expression, James grinned broadly as he leaned on the two pieces of furniture, and Evans's head shot up off of her paws.

I rather enjoy the feeling of all my friends hanging on my words, if I say so myself.

"Who'd be the victim?" asked Remus.

"Slytherins if possible. Right, Padfoot?" commented James.

"Who else?" I noted loftily.

"What are we going to do?" asked Peter, wide-eyed with excitement.

I made a thoughtful face. "Anyone have any genius ideas?"

"Something new, something creative," mused James.

"It is the Easter Holidays," pointed out Remus.

I happened to glance down at the floor, only to be startled by a pair of anxious green eyes looking up at me. Evans, the cat. I breathed again, half wondering if James had already noticed the cat's resemblance to her "owner" or if this was still yet to come.

"Go away," I mouthed. "Go be a cat."

Evans shook her furry head. Thankfully, no one had noticed my exchange with her. Yet.

"Reow," she meowed simply. I felt sure she was saying 'no.' Aggravating is what she is. Then again, all cats aggravate me.

James finally noticed her presence and scooped her into one arm. I noticed that even though she was glaring at me and the rest of the Marauders, she relaxed instantly as he started to pet her absentmindedly. Ha, ha. Revenge comes for me without any thought — on mine or James's part.

"I want some chocolate," groaned Remus, putting his head in his hands.

"Chocolate! That's it!" exclaimed James, looking excited.

"What? What about chocolate?" asked Peter earnestly.

"The chocolate Easter eggs. I'm sure we could spike them . . . or something," James trailed off.

"Spike the chocolate eggs. Good, but what with?" I mused aloud. "Firewhiskey?"

"You _know_ Rosmerta won't let us buy firewhiskey, and neither will that barman at the Hog's Head," inserted Remus, looking up. "But we should do it with something we're good at."

"A whole lot of help Transfiguration is for spiking chocolate, Moony," I said sarcastically.

"Actually," started James, tilting his head in thought, "if we could figure out how to transfigure people momentarily when they eat food, we could have a whole line of jokes."

"I can see it now," I said, grinning and waving a hand in the air from one side to the other. "Doggy doughnuts, birdie biscuits—"

Peter inserted, "Kitty Knuts," and we all gave him a little stare before I pointed out that Knuts are not food. He looked down, muttering 'oh,' and I continued my list.

"Er, Rabbit rice, snake salad, turtle tarts, giraffe gravy, canary creams, hare honey," I broke off, frowning thoughtfully. "Jam. What animal would go well with jam?"

James and Remus were trying hard to contain their laughter. Peter smiled weakly before meekly suggesting, "Jellyfish?"

We all erupted into laughter. A Jellyfish Jam. I even heard Evans give a little kitty laugh.

Sometimes Peter is just thick. But at other times he knows exactly what to say, and when to say it. This, obviously, was an "other time."

Once we had settled down again, James's head shot up. "What if, instead of transforming the eater, we transfigured the chocolate itself?"

"Into what?" I asked curiously.

"Rabbits," suggested Wormtail suddenly.

"Why would we transfigure chocolate into rabbits?" asked Remus.

Peter shrugged. "I dunno."

Suddenly an idea struck me. "Great idea, Wormy!" I looked up at my friends' astonished faces. "It's Easter. We need an Easter Bunny!"

"Or more than one," said Remus, seeing my vision.

James started laughing. "Everyone can have a furry little problem," he said, chuckling.

Moony's head turned sharply and he stared anxiously, I looked at Prongs in confusion, and Wormtail mirrored my expression.

James looked at us and grinned. "Relax Moony. You know that story that got circulated because of those three words?"

Remus nodded, still not comprehending any joke. "I was supposed to own a misbehaving rabbit."

"And what happens when everyone has a misbehaving rabbit?" asked James patiently.

"They — just — all have misbehaving rabbits?" answered Remus uncertainly.

"They all have furry little problems," corrected James.

"Oh," said Remus, Peter, and I, comprehension dawning.

James roared with laughter. We all joined in once we understood how hilarious we sounded.

An evening of laughing and planning was in store for us. If only that could have lasted forever.

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map._

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.  
_

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.  
_

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: Happy Birthday Fred and George Weasley! Happy April Fools Day! Hope you liked the prank conversation. And yes, I did the reference purely to honor a very specific invention of the Weasley twins that was first tried on Neville Longbottom in GoF. You guessed it. Canary Cream, anyone? Only seven Sickles, bargain! I'll even pay one Sickle out of pocket for one Canary Cream for each reviewer. Well, as soon as I figure out where that Leaky Cauldron is hiding on Charing Cross Road.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming!

Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line.

I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures.

Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12: Lily Itches

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_"They all have furry little problems," corrected James._

_"Oh," said Remus, Peter, and I, comprehension dawning._

_James roared with laughter. We all joined in once we understood how hilarious we sounded._

_An evening of laughing and planning was in store for us. If only that could have lasted forever._

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE: Lily**

The second full day I was a cat, I experienced the first of my woes. Well, I guess not technically the first of my woes. But, well, come on, it's just an expression.

Anyway, that was the day I had an itch. An irritating, annoying, maddening, bothersome, aggravating, exasperating, inconvenient, and vexing itch. Yes, I had all day to come up with the synonyms.

It was on the right side of my jaw, close enough to my mouth not to get petted or scratched in normal associations.

And it wouldn't — go — away!

I woke up and lazily stretched on the pile of blankets the boys had designated as my bed. I sat on my haunches to start washing myself, but noticed as soon as I licked my paw that there was something wrong with the side of my jaw.

I batted at my face, probably looking absurd, but even my humiliation didn't help the growing irritation.

I looked around the dormitory for anything that might help, but all of the boys were gone. Not a single one of those blokes had stayed around to watch for when I awoke.

I was vexed with the itch, disappointed that not one of them had waited for me, and mad at myself for wanting James to be the one to wait for me.

Not a very good combination of emotions, if I say so myself.

They had better have left the door open, I thought to myself, turning to inspect the main door.

Not even a crack. Lovely.

The door to the lavatory was — open. Nice. At least they took into consideration that I might need to use my litter box.

I can't believe I just said that. This cat thing is affecting me more than I care to admit. The Marauders seemed to be excited to care for an animal: After their planning session, they had promptly set forth to gather supplies from the house elves, tips from other cat owners, and told me the ground rules.

_One: No "surprises" anywhere besides my litter box._

Remus really needn't have bothered. I might have been tempted to leave a surprise for Potter and Black in their shoes, but the last time Potter got frustrated with me, the dog wasn't very nice. I don't want to go back to that.

_Two: No chasing of mice or rats._

Like I would want to anyway. Everyone gave Peter an indulgent smile for that rule. I kind of wondered why.

_Three: No tagging along during a prank._

Sirius got odd looks for saying that, but I was disappointed that he had mentioned that as a ground rule. It would've been interesting to watch the Marauders in action. Especially after I was able to listen in on their planning session last night.

_Four: Have fun._

I had tilted my head when James first said this. What an odd ground rule. James had gotten a wary look from Sirius and Remus, and a worried one from Peter.

Really, I don't know what there was to worry about. It wasn't like I was about to shred the curtains in my frustration.

Actually, that sounds quite fun.

No, I will not do that. Although, maybe their sheets. . . . No, get those ideas out of my head. I am a responsible Prefect, who just happened to be turned into a cat for a fortnight. I will carry on with my duties.

Anyway, when are those blokes getting back? Did they leave a note or anything? Sirius would've made sure it was discreet, but surely they left something.

Argh, there goes that bothersome itch again. I started rubbing my jaw against the lavatory doorjamb. There must be some way to get rid of this itch.

Ahhh, momentary relief. Wait, what's that on the mirror? Looks like letters, but I can't make it out yet. The finger traces are just too faint from the steam evaporating completely before I woke.

I concentrated harder, coming closer. Someone _had_ written something. I bounced into the air as my concentration paid off. L—E. My initials. They _had_ left a note for me.

After about five minutes of pure concentration, I only got two more letters. J—P. I sighed. No need to ask whose initials those were. Looking over it now I can almost see the plus sign in between the two sets of initials. Or is it a four?

Aw — oh please. Go away itch. What must I do to get rid of this maddening itch? I need to rub it against something. Ooh, cabinet knobs. Perfect. Or should I say Purr-fect? Joking! I _get_ that it is a very bad pun. I am known for them. Especially when I'm irritated.

Where _are_ they? I journeyed out of the toilet and looked at the beds.

Hmm. Remus left a book on the floor. I wonder what book it is? As soon as the thought entered my mind, I went over and read the cover. _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_. I wonder why Remus is interested in that. I heard it was a very touching book, a heartfelt classic tale about an anonymous werewolf's struggle with his lycanthropy. Is Remus into inspirational stories? This one must be hot off the presses, it still has its glossy hardcover. Oh. Ohhh. Feel that corner. Oh, that feels nice against my aggravated itch. If I bend my head just so —

"Are you trying to gnaw that off?"

I jumped at least a foot in the air. I hadn't heard anyone come in the door. Remus was still looking at me curiously, as if waiting for an answer to his question. I tossed a guilty, but confident, look up at him. He shook his head slightly, then put the book back on his bedside table before heading to the lavatory.

I glanced at the newly opened and closed door. I could hear the other three boys climbing the stair now. Peter was, as usual, extolling the virtues of having James on one's team. Sirius was laughing and putting in little jabs at Peter's own lack of skill, while I assumed James was just lapping it all up.

I prepared myself as the door handle turned slowly. The three boys poured in, and stopped short at the sight of me. I was glaring at them, lashing my tail back and forth, and I opened my mouth to rebuke them.

"Where _have_ you —" Oh, not now. Inconvenient itch. Just shake my head, start over, and ignore it. "Where _have_ —" Okay, I really need to scratch it against something. The bedpost looks handy. Alright. I'll give myself a quick rub then get back to scolding. There. Now I can at least complete my sentence. "Where _have_ you been?"

Annoying itch. I don't know what else to rub my jaw on. Maybe I could get one of the humans to scratch it for me. Ach, did I just refer to those blokes as humans? How could I. _And_ implied that I was not a human too. What is wrong with me? Ah, yes, the itch. How could I forget.

Three pairs of legs presented themselves in a light more desirable than would have ever been possible, had I not been a cat suffering from my first woe. I rubbed first against Peter, he was closest. But not for long, as he immediately jumped to his bed and threw his covers over his head.

Regarding him curiously for an instant allowed the exasperating itch in the side of my face to build to an uncontrollable level of irritation. I quickly brushed the side of my face on Sirius's trouser legs, before he erupted in a cackling fit of laughter regarding Peter's behavior and collapsed onto the ground.

I turned to James with a confused and pleading expression. He had been carefully observing me this whole time, and he knelt down and held out his hand to me.

"C'mere Lils." The invitation rolled pleasantly off of his tongue. I warily traipsed over to him.

As soon as I was close enough to him, he started rubbing behind my ears and around my face. I maneuvered my head so that he was actually scratching the itch, and closed my eyes in pleasure and relief.

After a moment or two, I opened them again. What _was_ that motor-like sound coming from my chest? I looked to James for a clue, but he just had a gigantic grin on his face. Was I — was I actually purring?

I suppose I was.

How lovely. Honestly. I had never before considered how pleased a purring cat is, but a cat can be quite delighted indeed.

I grinned as he scratched my itch away.

His watch slipped around his wrist enough so that I could see and read it. Four o'clock? In the afternoon? I gave a little start and stopped purring. Yikes! Where had all the time gone? No wonder no one waited around for me to wake up.

I was so used to waking up at seven o'clock sharp. What'll happen when I get changed back? I had so far ignored the adolescent extra need for sleep. But sleeping in no earlier than three-thirty in the afternoon? Merlin's beard, that's a lot of time I spent asleep.

"Padfoot? What's this on your bed?" asked Remus, coming out of the loo, and spotting the parchment lying on Sirius's bed.

Sirius threw a quick glance over to me, then said airily, "Oh, nothing."

"Oh, so 'Evans, Quidditch rocks, Sirius' is nothing?" asked Remus, amused, reading the words off the slip of parchment he had picked up.

"What?" exclaimed a bewildered James. He quickly stood and strode over to Sirius's bedside, snatching the note Remus was holding and reading it for himself. Sirius's eyes widened with unaccustomed fear as he glanced between James and Remus, and James and me. His eyes focusing on James, he spoke once more.

"Prongs, it doesn't matter. I was just trying to come up with a way to convince Evans to come to our next match, as a surprise for you," said Sirius.

James and Remus exchanged glances and snorted. "Way to be convincing," said Remus sarcastically.

"Quidditch rocks?" said James incredulously. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"Yeah, well. It's not like I had a lot of time to think on it. I just wrote that down this morning, remember?" protested Sirius sulkily. "You weren't supposed to find out about it."

Quickly realizing that this was the note Sirius left to tell where they went, and that he wasn't as discreet as I'd assumed, I decided to make a distraction of myself for James.

I jumped up on Sirius's bed, stood where James's free hand was, and started rubbing my head against his hand.

"Aw, Jamesie, the ickle kitty wikes you," said Sirius in a mocking tone.

I tossed a glare in his direction, but continued to rubbing against James's hand. Sirius should be grateful I'm taking James's attention away from his pathetic note.

James grinned down at me and my stomach flip-flopped. No! I didn't mean to say it like that, I swear! If my stomach did move around, it was purely unrelated to his dashing grin. Ach, did I just — I didn't mean that! Honestly!

"Yeah, well. Give a rat some cheese," replied James.

Peter stuck his head out from under his cover. "What's that supposed to mean?"

James shrugged. "I dunno. The maid, Laura, always said it whenever I got anything Quidditch related as a present."

"And that applies to the cat, how?" asked Sirius. Peter ducked his head back under the cover at the mention of me.

"I dunno. I just thought it fit," said James, sounding a little sullen.

Come on, just stop worrying about your thick friends and pet me. I started meowing, "Pet me, pet me," as I went back and forth against his hand. He shouldn't be able to resist me for much longer. His fingers are twitching.

Oh, Merlin's beard! Am I actually begging James Potter to pet me? I am going absolutely mental!

Of course, as soon as he started rubbing my face, those worries slipped away.

Hang on, did they leave the main door open? I'm hungry. I sneakily turned and looked toward the door, as James started to rub my back. It is open! Freedom is in sight once more! Did — did James just — did he just stroke my — my _tail_? Ooh, I'm going to get him for that. By streaking out the door he forgot to close all the way. Ha, ha! Ta ta for now, James!

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map._

_Item two: Tell Sirius._

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.  
_

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.  
_

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: I believe this is my longest chapter yet. Is that enough fluff to keep you all for a while? I do need to once more increase my cache of chapters. The next update, Chapter Thirteen, will be coming Tuesday, April 22, unless you can persuade me to do it a little earlier.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers-Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming!

Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line. And who wouldn't want to hear from this author? The Marauders and Lily and even Madam Pomfrey have been known to make appearances in the review responses. I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures. I have a few different pictures that correspond with the events in this chappie, so go ahead and visit my profile more than once. Especially if you are waiting for the next chapter.

Thank you for reading!


	13. 13:Peter He Muses and Has Bad Luck

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The very short snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

* * *

_Hang on, did they leave the main door open? I'm hungry. I sneakily turned and looked toward the door, as James started to rub my back. It is open! Freedom is in sight once more! Did — did James just — did he just stroke my — my _tail_? Ooh, I'm going to get him for that. By streaking out the door he forgot to close all the way. Ha, ha! Ta ta for now, James!_

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Peter**

Well, the cat's finally gone, I can come out from under my covers. James and Remus have gone to keep an eye on her. What was she thinking, rubbing her face on my leg?

Personally, I think Evans has gone mental, no matter how much of the mickey my friends will take out of me for acting that way. How come Sirius can't see that the sooner we get Evans back to normal, the sooner we can relax and have fun?

Although, I'm not saying that playing Quidditch isn't fun, it is. And planning that awesome prank was quite fun too. Oh, and on that note, I KNOW Knuts aren't food. I was trying to make everyone laugh like Sirius was. Not the best idea, I know.

It's just, what do they expect from me? James is the Quidditch star, the one madly obsessed with Evans, the genius that thinks up the original ideas of our pranks. Sirius is the loyal right hand man, the cool one, the genius that sees the whole picture, even of the most complicated things. Remus is the mischievous loner, the werewolf, the logical brain that refines the ideas from the other two. And me? I'm not sure exactly where I fit in.

The random one? The thick one? The comic relief? Why would they even keep me around, if that was all I provided? The one that views them as the heroes they really are? Surely Evans hasn't deflated their egos so much that they need me for that. I'm not the glue, Remus is. I just — I'm not sure where I fit into the picture.

Evans. Hmm. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I know, I _know_, but I still can't get that stupid rhyme thingy out of my head. I've tried everything I could think of — getting songs from WWN stuck in my head, saying it out loud, making up a tune and singing it to the tune, and blanking out my mind. Needless to say, those didn't work so well.

Anyway, what I was going to say before that riddle intruded on my musings was that I'm wondering if I will still fit in after Hogwarts, after James gets Evans, after we all go out into the real world.

I'm really going to have to research the answer to the rhyme. Once I know the answer, I'm sure that it will go out of my head. I'll go to the library tomorrow. For now I must rave about how James and I won the match. Well, okay. How James won the match.

When the Marauders play two on two, Remus and I usually act as Keepers while Sirius and James go at it as the Chasers. If Remus isn't feeling well enough to fly, I'll Keep for Sirius, while James tries against the two of us. I must say though, the most evenly matched and exciting combination to watch is when Remus Keeps for Sirius, and James goes against them alone.

That happened when I broke my wrist in Second Year, and when I was the recipient of a well-placed Jelly-Legs Jinx and Furnunculus Curse, combined. Compliments of Snape and Evans. They were both trying to curse James at the same moment — their curses collided in midair with one of Sirius's and it ricocheted onto me. And they said _I_ was hopeless at dueling.

Bad memories, sorry. Anyway, today James was on top form — he scored one hundred and ten points in the first half-hour. Of course, Sirius scored ninety points, and he had to keep suggesting rematches until we'd been out there for six hours. We missed lunch, but ate in the kitchens on our way back to the dormitory.

Sometimes I love being a Marauder.

Speaking of—

"Wormtail? Where did you hide — _Why_ are you muttering to yourself under your covers?"

What? Er—My mind just went blank. Sirius! How could you! You made me forget my rules. Think, think, think. Awkward question — Item three! Right!

"Er—Hehe hehe."

Oh, wait. That wasn't an awkward question _about_ _Evans_. Sneaky Gryffindor of a Black. Hang on, that curse works better for a Slytherin. What's a good oath for a Gryffindor?

I know! To find that out, I'll punch Peeves and wait to see how he curses me. Excellent idea, right?

Now all I have to do is find Peeves. I ripped off my covers and leaped off of my bed. I landed — er — badly. Now Sirius is laughing and I am on the floor holding my knee. I swear, if Sirius made me dislocate my knee, _again_, he is going to have a pranking war on his hands.

I slowly stood up and cautiously took a step. So far, so good. I gingerly took another step, and looked around. Still standing. Yay! I jumped up in happiness, and immediately crumpled to the ground. Ow.

I moaned. Why me? Why is it always _me_? Sirius, trying to stifle his laughter, offered me a hand up. I had half a mind to pull him down with me, but buried that instinct in favor of actually standing up. Right, no jumping. Great, now I'm going to have to go to the Hospital Wing with the overprotective cow to get a proper diagnosis.

Sirius, gentleman that he tries to be, managed to finally stifle his laughter and helped me hobble down to the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey immediately assumed the worst when she saw Sirius.

"Oh, you poor dear. Come, come over here. Lie down. Here. I'll get you some dreamless sleep potion to erase whatever prank this monster of a boy has done to you," she said consolingly to me as she led me to a bed and forced me to lie down.

"Hey," objected Sirius. "I didn't do anything to Wormtail, except ask him a question."

"Oh." Madam Pomfrey looked between us suspiciously. "Then why are you in here, dear?"

"My knee," I finally managed to say. "Could you look at it?"

"Oh, my. Oh, dear," she muttered to herself as she examined my knee. "You'll be in here for at least a week with an injury like that."

I glared at Sirius. "Is it dislocated? Again?"

She gave me an odd glance. "No. It's broken," she said, matter-of-factly.

I was confused. Very confused. Bewildered even. "If it's broken, how come I don't feel any pain?" Well, except for when I jumped. And when I was limping. And— Never mind. It didn't hurt _that_ much. Not as much as a broken leg should hurt.

"No pain?" she asked, looking just as baffled as I felt. "If you don't have any pain, why are you in here?"

"What?" I said.

"Go on, go out. You're fine. Nearly perfect." Madam Pomfrey started to walk briskly away.

"Wait, is my leg broken or not?" I asked, more befuddled than before.

"It is not. Go on, out."

"But, why did you say it was broken if it's not?" asked Sirius.

"He just has a slight swelling that, if accompanied by pain, would indicate a broken bone. As it is, there is no pain and no broken bone. I have other patients I need to treat. Will you _leave_ now?"

"Can you fix my limp before I go, then?" I asked hopefully.

"Stop limping," she shrugged.

"If I don't limp, I'll collapse again," I said, gritting my teeth.

"Oh, you'll collapse?" Immediately her eyes widened and she was at my side, hovering over me with little bottles of medicine. "You must be low on iron; I always tell the students to eat plenty of meat and nuts. Here," she thrust a spoonful of something into my mouth before I could protest.

Ugh, that stuff was gross! I absolutely can't swallow again. I swear. That stuff closed up my throat. No! No, I will not take any more medicine!

How come my voice won't come out my throat?

"Oops," muttered Madam Pomfrey, examining the bottle she was holding in her hand.

Trust me, you never, ever, _ever_ want to hear a healer say 'oops.' It is so horrifying.

Madam Pomfrey cleared her throat, then said, "The lack of voice should clear up in about an hour or two. It's a common side effect of this particular potion."

I think I'm going loopy. Did she just say an _hour_ or _two_? She suddenly grinned.

"That should pay you and your friend back for threatening to put Bertram Aubrey into the Hospital Wing, and then trying to trick me about that knee." She walked away smiling to herself, and I gave Sirius an incredulous look.

"Bertram Aubrey?" I mouthed accusingly.

Sirius suddenly looked rather shifty. "I had to think of some way to get Moony out of the Hospital Wing," he muttered.

"You couldn't think of a better way than Bertram Aubrey?" I mouthed, waving my hands in my astonishment. I think he got the gist, if he didn't get the whole thing.

"It worked," he said resentfully.

I pointed to my mouth. "No, it didn't," I mouthed exaggeratedly.

"Stop trying to talk, Wormy," said Sirius more contritely, offering a hand once more.

I sullenly allowed him to help me off of the bed and out into the castle.

We were just passing an open classroom door when I remembered what my original idea was. Before the Hospital Wing interrupted. I was going to punch Peeves and see in what ways he cursed me, a Gryffindor. Looking into the next classroom door, I beheld my target, cackling to himself as he wrote rude words on the chalk boards.

I gave an evil grin to Sirius before limping into the classroom, going up right behind Peeves, and knocking him around a bit with my fist.

Okay, okay, so I only got one hit in.

Peeves's reaction, you ask? Well, considering this whole experiment was to find out good ideas for cursing Gryffindors, it wasn't so good.

He smothered me in the white chalk dust, then danced around me chanting and eventually singing as soon as he made up a tune for it:

"The ickle whitey Petey  
Lost his ickle mind.  
Since punching noble Peevesy  
Isn't very kind."

I glowered at everyone in sight. The dancing Peeves, the indecent chalk, the laughing Sirius, the offensive chalkboard, the innocent desks, and my chalk covered feet. I made as if to hit Peeves again, and the poltergeist zoomed out cackling to himself.

Sirius started humming the tune Peeves had made up as we started back to the Common Room. I took the liberty of slapping him upside the head. Stupid, careless mutt. He just laughed all the harder.

Sometimes I absolutely hate being a Marauder. Until I finally get my voice back, I will officially be in a bad mood.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? ARGH!

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map. _Check.

_Item two: Tell Sirius._ Check.

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._ Check.

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.  
_

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.  
_

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: I'm back! A little humor is good for the soul! It restores the muse. I hope you enjoyed Peter's little adventure. How did you like Peeves? (Starts humming "Ickle Petey" to herself) I also hope you didn't think Madam Pomfrey too mean. She means well, but the Marauders have a history of making up injuries to spend extra time in the Hospital Wing with Lupin. lol.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is nineteen.

Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line. And who wouldn't want to hear from this author? The Marauders and Lily and even Madam Pomfrey have been known to make appearances in the review responses. I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day. Oh, and a special treat to reviewer #100: Ask any question you want about the story and I'll answer it to the best of my ability, complete honesty and no authoress "no comment" cards. But don't even think about waiting to review so that you get the special treat. I don't want to see that happening.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter.

Thank you for reading!


	14. 14: James Letters and Remus Answers

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: We left off with Peter, in a bad mood, I believe:

* * *

_Sirius started humming the tune Peeves had made up as we started back to the Common Room. I took the liberty of slapping him upside the head. Stupid, careless mutt. He just laughed all the harder._

_Sometimes I absolutely hate being a Marauder. Until I finally get my voice back, I will officially be in a bad mood._

_How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? ARGH!_

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ****James and Remus**

JPJPJPJPJPJPJP

_Dear Mum,_

_Well, this has been an interesting holiday so far. I'm actually in charge of taking care of Lily Evans's cat! She left her with me for the holidays. The cat is real nice and affectionate. She has this nice red, ginger fur, and her green eyes remind me of her owner._

_Besides the cat, the Marauders and I have a prank in the works. Hush-hush, you know. I'll tell you all about it when we actually get away with it._

_Oh, by the way, I am going to need another set of robes. Thanks Mum!_

_Love,_

_James_

I looked back over the letter. There. That robe request looked sufficiently unrelated. Of course, Mum would probably connect the dots as soon as she caught a glimpse of the shredded sleeves. She was good at that. Of course, she kind of had to be, being my mum and all.

I grinned as I reread the part about the prank. That was going to be wonderful. Transfiguring all the Slytherins's chocolate eggs into rabbits. I softly chuckled at the thought. I couldn't really laugh any louder for all the Marauders were asleep. I really shouldn't stay up this late, I thought to myself, yawning. But the note had to be done, and my mind wouldn't let me rest until I got it out of my head.

I looked at the first paragraph. That was probably the thing that kept me awake the most. The likenesses between Lily Evans and Lils. How in the world had Lily been able to find a cat with exactly the same shade of red for fur? And with those greener than green eyes? That must have been extremely tough.

Of course, I had also thought Lily was friends with that toe rag, Snivellus. He came up to me today on the way to the Quidditch Pitch asking if I had been playing some joke on him with the cat. After asserting that yes, I had been completely honest about the owner of Lils, Snivelly looked stunned and shocked. Entirely speechless.

And when Padfoot and Moony confirmed it too, Snivellus looked, well, almost lost. I think I nearly felt sorry for the grease rag for the first time. I started to put myself in his shoes as the thought popped into my mind of how I would feel if, when Lily and I finally develop a real relationship, Lily never told me she had gotten a cat, and left it with my worst enemy over the holidays. I don't think I'll try that again for a while. Some parts of Snape's life I can relate to, but others. . . . I have no clue what is going through his greasy mind. And I'm not sure I want to know. He doesn't seem to have very much fun.

Although, Padfoot did put up some rather odd facial expressions in the instant before he confirmed that the cat belonged to Lily. He looked amused, disgusted, and for some reason anxious. Now that I think about it, Wormtail looked rather anxious too. But Wormy looks anxious at times for absolutely no reason.

Wormtail tends to be a bit obsessively worried sometimes. He's even occasionally worse than Moony. And Moony is a hard one to beat with being worried about something.

But there was something odd about this last time. As if Padfoot and Wormtail know something about the cat that I don't.

I leaned back in my chair. It would kind of make sense for Wormy to know something odd about the cat, as he was the one she chased up to the dormitory, but Sirius? No. That just wouldn't happen. He was with me the whole time. And even if Wormtail did tell Sirius something, why would Padfoot be the confidant? Sirius doesn't inspire trust, well, not as much as Moony or myself.

I shook myself. I really needed to get to sleep. I was starting to doze off at the desk, and that wouldn't help me get restful sleep at all. I undressed and climbed into bed. Waiting to fall asleep, my eyes rested on Lils, all wrapped into her blankets that we had acquired from a second-year girl.

Sirius would've been disgusted to know that I suddenly felt like cooing over the sleeping cat. He can't quite understand my attachment to her. I'm not entirely sure I understand it myself, though. I know part of it has to do with me fancying Lily, and the cat belonging to Lily. I'm not sure what else is going on with that, though.

Lils twitched her little forepaw, dreaming about something or other.

There was definitely something endearing about that cat.

* * *

RLRLRLRLRLRLRL

This has been a weird holiday so far. I mean, I expected to be in the Hospital Wing at least two nights after that full moon, but Sirius came and got me out after only one night. My shortest stay so far.

My mind jumped to the reason I was out so soon: Bertram Aubrey. I shook my head incredulously. Sometimes I just cannot believe the inventiveness of that loyal mutt. Getting me out of the Hospital Wing with threats?

And then — finding out that Lily Evans left without her cat. That's just rubbish. The Lily _I_ know, doesn't own a pet, let alone a pet cat. She moaned about Petunia making up an allergy to cats during patrols. Sure she wants a cat, but she would never out and buy a cat without bouncing around and hinting about it to everyone she knows. Plus, she is quite responsible and would _never_ leave for the holidays if she couldn't find her cat.

And the way everyone reacts to the cat. None of the girls in her dormitory knew that she had a cat. Even Snape, her friend that knows practically everything about her, came up to the group of us yesterday and asked if James and Sirius were playing a prank on him. That is definitely the politest I have ever seen Snape around James. And he looked taken aback when James told him upfront that yes, the cat was Lily's.

But — I _know_ when James is joking around or lying. I've been around him enough to know. And _that_ was one of the most honest and serious statements that I have ever heard him say. And so, I backed him up. The only other time I can think of that he was that honest and upfront was when he told me that my furry little problem would never change his opinion of me.

So, how does this all jive? It just doesn't make any sense.

Oops, Peter's looking at me funny. I must have said that last bit aloud. What were we supposed to be talking about?

"Er, Moony? You're usually good at Charms," Peter said warily.

Charms, right. I had missed Charms this last moon. "I was thinking about something totally different from Charms," I protested softly.

We were in the library after all. Apparently catching me up on the last Charms lesson before moving on to Transfiguration. I really should apologize for not paying attention to Peter, but he's moved on already.

"Do you understand everything from this lesson now?" The question jolted me out of my musings once more.

"Oh, I think I've mainly got it now. Thanks, Wormy," I replied, feeling guilty. I hadn't listened to one word he had been saying.

"Alright, now maybe you can help me focus on Transfiguration," Peter said disparagingly.

"Why can't you focus?" I asked, partly to get the spotlight off of myself.

"Stupid rhyme-riddle thingy," replied Peter sulkily. "It's been running through my head ever since class, and I can't get rid of it."

"What have you tried?" I inquired.

"Everything," said Peter dramatically.

"How did it get stuck in your head?" This was getting interesting.

"Prongs was teaching it to Padfoot during class," said Peter resentfully.

"What is it?" I found myself extremely curious.

Peter sighed, then recited slowly, "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" He looked up at me with a pleading expression. "What _is_ a woodchuck?"

I tried to stifle my laughter, in order to honor the trust that Peter was placing in me. "Er — hmm — well, a woodchuck," I cleared my throat to cover up a snigger that desired to escape, "A woodchuck is a small forest creature, a groundhog. I'm not surprised that Prongs knows about them, considering what he is. The creatures themselves could've taught Prongs that riddle."

"Then, why would Evans turn around in her chair and glare at them?" asked Peter earnestly.

"Lily?" I paused, then couldn't prevent a grin from creeping up my face. "_You_ got stuck on an attention grabber for _Lily Evans_? You should know better than that, Wormy. Prongs probably heard that in his Muggle Studies class."

"I understand _that_," protested Peter. "But what's the answer?"

"I'm not so sure there is an answer," I replied.

"Argh!" burst out Peter, dropping his head into his arms.

I blinked, then said, "Perhaps, perhaps I could help you find the same place Prongs found it. I'm not guaranteeing that there will be an answer, but maybe finding it will be productive to getting it out of your system."

Peter looked up at me, his eyes watering in admiration, or was that because he had just sneezed? Anyway, Peter said, "Really? We could do that?"

I shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" I gathered up my stuff to transfer it over to a table nearer the Muggle Studies section, and Peter followed my lead as we began our researching.

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map. _Check.

_Item two: Tell Sirius._ Check.

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._ Check.

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.  
_

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.  
_

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: Wow. I actually deviated from Lily, Peter, and Sirius. Mani and a couple of others asked me to show another viewpoint, so here it is. How did I do? Should I just stick with the Cat, Rat, and Dog or include the Wolf and Stag more? My finals for University are coming up in the next three weeks, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to stick with my schedule. All kinks should be finished with on May 20th, though and regular updates are in sight.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is nineteen. Can we make nineteen a good twenty-five?

I can't figure this out. How does it work that I have 32 people that have put this story on alert, 19 that have added it to their favorites, 400 hits to my profile (though I'll give that not all of them relate to this story), over 4,500 overall story hits, and I only got eight reviews since I posted my last chapter? The numbers are depressing me. Surely you, my lurking reader, can step it up and send me a little note. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please _do_ include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line. I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter.

Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15: Lily Charades

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Keep in mind this pair for the next chappie, for we left off with The Wolf:

* * *

_I blinked, then said, "Perhaps, perhaps I could help you find the same place Prongs found it. I'm not guaranteeing that there will be an answer, but maybe finding it will be productive to getting it out of your system."_

_Peter looked up at me, his eyes watering in admiration, or was that because he had just sneezed? Anyway, Peter said, "Really? We could do that?"_

_I shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" I gathered up my stuff to transfer it over to a table nearer the Muggle Studies section, and Peter followed my lead as we began our researching._

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Lily**

Waking up without an itch is rather nice, I must say. Perhaps one must experience the opposition to know the benefits of regular life.

I took to chasing butterflies out on the grounds on this clear late morning. Devilish little blighters they are. I no sooner got closer to one then it would flit away off to Merlin knows where. I say 'flit,' but I probably should say 'fly away with the speed and force of an aeroplane'. Honestly, I was wondering if there was a hidden untapped source of energy there.

I caught a glimpse of a rabbit and a few birds, but they all disappeared before I could play with them. The butterflies were the most congenial, but, Merlin's beard, they were _fast_.

I was out there enjoying the uncommonly sunny spring weather, when I saw Sirius Black, muttering to himself distractedly as he crossed the grounds to the castle.

Perfect timing to put my persuasion tactics into play. I had decided I was not going to be a cat any longer than I could help it.

"Hey, Sirius!" I loudly meowed, coming up behind him.

Sirius ignored me, and kept walking. I'm going to have to try harder, I guess.

I wrapped my body around his feet, well foot, and meowed again.

Looking down for the first time, Sirius looked taken aback to see me there. "What is it, Lils?"

"I don't want to be a cat anymore," I told him outright. "It is too distracting."

"Are you hungry?" His question startled me until I realized he hadn't understood my meowing.

I shook my head. "No, not really."

"Then what is it?" Sirius inquired. "Thirsty?"

I shook my head again. How do I express my want to speak to the dog? I sighed. That was one thing we had never discussed.

"Oh, er, do you want someone to play with you?" guessed Sirius hesitantly.

_That_ was an interesting question. It almost hit the topic, but it was not nearly close enough. I tilted my head in reply.

"I could go get Prongs if you want me to," offered Sirius.

I shook my head. No. That was not the point at all.

"You want to play with _me_? Why?" asked Sirius, not realizing that if he asked me anything but a yes or no answer he wouldn't understand my answer.

I shook my head, despairing of actually getting through to him. This despair was reinforced with his next comment.

"Then why are you bothering with me? Just go and find the person you need." He casually flung himself down, lounging now, and closing his eyes in thought.

I glared at him and pointedly sat down in front of him. I had to think through this next part or he'd never get it. I tried to make a barking sound with my voice.

Sirius laughed incredulously as he looked at me. "Are you coughing up a hairball, Evans? Because I really don't need to see that."

I shook my head. _Again_. I was getting weary of shaking my head. It inspired me though, so I motioned to Sirius to sit and stay. He leaned up on an elbow. I took a few paces back from him and cleared my throat. If I was going to act, I was going to do it in the best way possible.

I started off simple — shaking myself like a wet dog would.

"Are you wet?" asked Sirius skeptically.

This calls for more drastic measures. I unsheathed one of my claws, displayed it to him, and then proceeded to do a reenactment of the events after we left the Great Hall, using close trees as stand-ins for James and Sirius and the dog.

"You are scared of that tree?" guessed Sirius.

Couldn't he see any symbolism? I had made it perfectly clear. He was just looking on the surface, if only he dug a little deeper... Right, then.

I climbed down from the tree that was supposed to be representing James, and displayed two unsheathed claws. I then proceeded to paw at the ground in an attempt to dig a hole. For my first attempt, I didn't try very hard and it was a rather pathetic hole. I looked up to see Sirius trying to hold in his laughter. I deliberately tried again, moving a meter or so to the side. This go turned out rather well, if I said so myself. At least, I thought that until I caught a glimpse of Sirius's face, which was red, and his shoulders, which were shaking with suppressed laughter.

I glowered at him until he'd calmed down and looked politely at me for an explanation. I indicated the first hole. He nodded, grinning once more. I walked deliberately over to where he had flung himself down and just as deliberately placed a paw on his chest.

Sirius looked taken aback. "That—that _thing_? Is me?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't even call that useless indention in the ground a hole. And that's supposed to relate to me?"

I nodded, pleased for once. I scurried back to the second hole, the better hole, and hurriedly indicated it, then tried to place my paw on my own chest. That — er — didn't work so well. Cats are not meant to place paws on their chests, at least not when they try to go from all four paws on the ground to balancing on only three, without sitting down first. I ended up whacking myself on the nose, and overbalancing. I hate to say this, but it probably looked to Sirius like I was trying to knock myself around the face. Confusing, no doubt.

Gathering my shattered pride, I got back on my feet, er, well, my _paws_, and this time sat on my haunches before indicating the hole and myself once more. Sirius looked extremely befuddled (more than the exercise called for), and I was on the verge of asking someone to take off the Confundus Charm that apparently was affecting him, before I realized that no one (besides the dog) could and would understand what I am asking of them. Oh, Merlin help me.

Sirius, finally understanding that I am trying to get a message across to him rather than just entertain with my acting skills, suggested, "All right, so I'm not getting what you're trying to say. Maybe if you took me on a guided tour? Places spark my interest and creativity more than guessing games."

I considered that, nodded then quickly dashed across the grounds towards the Entrance Hall. I almost laughed as I heard him call out to me, "Wait up! Lils! Couldn't you slow down for half a moment and allow a bloke to catch his breath?"

'Almost.' An extremely key word when dealing with the Marauders. Such as 'I _almost_ laughed at their prank'; 'I _almost_ took pity on them'; 'I _almost_ didn't give them detentions'; 'I _almost_ believed them'; or 'I _almost_ didn't take away any points from Gryffindor.' Also used incorrectly by my friends as 'I _almost_ said yes to Potter's latest and most pathetic attempt to get me to go out with him.' Still, when one is around the Marauders, go with 'almost.'

Or, 'nearly.' 'Nearly' is good, too. I rather do like the word 'nearly.' It's foolproof. But all those two words mean is that my brain and logic are still in control of what I do. That I haven't become a mindless idiot that swoons at the first word that comes out of a bloke's mouth. Isn't that absolutely _wonderful_. Severus has made sure that my book smarts don't replace my logic. Just _brilliant_, no?

Severus. I stopped in my tracks, allowing a very grateful Sirius to catch up to me. What in the world is Severus thinking right now?

Oh.

My.

Merlin!

I started to hyperventilate in my panic.

How in the world had I forgotten? He knows _me_. He _knows_ that I wouldn't get a cat. He _knows_ that I would at least tell him first if I planned to do that. He _knows_ that I respect Tuney's fake pronouncement, just to help bridge the gap between the two of us. He could even know that I'm not at home. Tuney knows how to send an owl to him.

What am I going to do? What will I tell him?

The truth? Yeah, right. Like that'll work. I sighed, calming down slightly with the ridiculous suggestion. The truth will only get me weird looks and even more distrust and hatred between the Marauders and Severus. Never mind the fact that James had absolutely nothing to do with it and Sirius is actually helping me out.

Oh, what _will_ I _say_?

I suddenly became aware of Sirius staring curiously at me. "I've always wondered what goes on in a cat's head," he remarked.

I gave him an exasperated look. Well, if he wanted to talk with me, he could always find the dog and save me all the trouble of this miming business.

I gave a little shake. I still had plenty of time to come up with a cover story for Severus. Right now, though, I needed to get a move on if I was going to keep Sirius's attention. Alright.

First stop, the Great Hall. I led him straight to the double doors, but made sure that he did not enter. Very important. I glanced in to see that the Hall was practically empty, what with it being only midmorning during the holidays. I grinned to myself, no one was at the Slytherin table. Maybe if I gave him a little dèjá vu...

I made sure Sirius was still there and watching me intently instead of the leftovers from breakfast. I unsheathed all of my claws on one paw and displayed them to let him know that this was an attempt to communicate.

Easily dashing across to the Slytherin table, I stopped right in front of where Severus usually sat, then looked triumphantly at Sirius before plodding back.

"You want to talk..." said Sirius wonderingly.

I nodded eagerly as Sirius finished his thought.

"...to Snivellus?" his nose wrinkled on the last word.

Hang on, what? I shook my head. No, no, no. That was all wrong. I quickly went up the corridor to the place where James had stopped and told Sirius to get the dog. I stopped and waited for Sirius to stop looking at me like I was off my rocker. Honestly, sometimes that boy...

Alright try number four, was it? Let's see what I can bring him to think up this time. I signaled that I was starting and began with writhing and hissing on the floor. I abruptly stopped and calmly went into the classroom, using my tail to nearly shut the door. Hardly looking around that empty classroom, I concentrated on ramming the door on my way out. The door, to my pleasure, flew open with a bang. Maybe it's just a bang-y door, because I'm sure I am not physically able to hit it with as much force as the dog did.

I gave my best attempt at barking and growling, before calmly switching over to portray myself, and giving a yowl of horror. I looked over at Sirius when I was finished to find him looking off into the distance. I lashed my tail irritably and impatiently on the ground until he deigned to look at me.

"This has something to do with Padfoot?" he carefully asked.

I nodded, excited once more. He was finally getting it!

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I dashed up the stairs in response, heading for that empty classroom that he had dubbed the 'doggy persuading chamber.' Eventually, he followed me up to that classroom, and peered inside.

"Why are we here?" asked Sirius bluntly.

I started talking again, before cutting myself off at his incomprehension. But of _course_ the deaf prat (blind too) doesn't understand cat language. He can seemingly understand dog language though. Hence the reason we were here. I went to the door, pushed it in a little and turned and said the same words I had said that first night. "What do you know?"

He tilted his head at me, looking confused. My heart dropped.

My last try had plummeted to the ground in failure, and I was at my wits' end. I possessed no other idea on how to express myself in an understandable way to Sirius Black.

What else could I do but trod up to the Gryffindor Common Room, allowing him to follow me? Maybe James could talk some sense into his unseeing best friend. I certainly wasn't going anywhere with this miming conversation anytime soon.

I made my way through the passageways, the portrait hole (Sirius giving the password), and the Common Room, and went up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. Sirius followed me, rather distractedly, through all of this. He only spoke once to ask if I had seen Peter take a piece of parchment out of James's trunk. I frowned, remembering that mental episode that very first night, then shook my head. That particular piece of parchment had come from Peter's bedside table, not James's trunk.

Sirius nodded, then smiled vaguely.

A minute later, climbing up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, Sirius out of nowhere blurted, "You." He slowly continued, "Padfoot — You want to talk — Me — Digging." I took a moment to honestly consider him. Sirius looked lost in thought. I nodded, in case he was watching me for verification, and wondered how he was getting closer and closer to the point of the whole exercise without me doing anything else.

His hand on the doorknob to the dormitory, Sirius paused then said, "You want me to get Pad—?" Just then, he opened the door and I caught sight of the animal currently kneeling down on the floor, tossing its rack of antlers impatiently. Sirius slammed the door, but the image was imprinted on my brain. "Prongs!" called Sirius impatiently. "Can't you at least put on a cloak or blanket or something? If I was Wormtail, I would've been scarred for life."

"Good thing you're not, then," came James's muffled voice.

Sirius chuckled and opened the door once more. I looked around eagerly for any sign of that deer, but all I saw was James, fully dressed, sitting on the edge of his bed. What had happened to that stag? I went to the center of the room, and poked my nose about where I had seen it, while James and Sirius bantered back and forth.

"Anyway, Wormtail _has_ seen me like that, remember?" James was saying.

"How could I forget?" grinned Sirius. "But, honestly, what if Moony was the one who came in, and not me? He'd be sure to give you a telling off."

James puffed out his chest, obviously doing a well practiced impression of Remus. "What would you have done if someone else had walked in on you? If one of the teachers, or worse, a student had come looking for one of us four and found you like that?"

I wrinkled my nose. All this from a little nudity? Well, at least I assumed that from Sirius's comment outside the door. I hadn't actually seen James Potter naked. Thank goodness. In more ways than one. But where had that deer gone?

James continued with his impression, "You might be able to talk your way out of a detention or two, or even Slughorn's parties, but you wouldn't be able to talk yourself out of Azkaban."

I froze. Azkaban? What in the world could James have done that would've gotten him landed in Azkaban? This definitely went beyond nudity in a dorm room. Or maybe that is just proving how much exaggeration Remus would have added. The latter is probably the right choice. Why would anyone joke around about going to Azkaban, though?

Sirius was laughing hard as James continued, dropping the front. "Seriously, Padfoot, don't you agree that it is not that big of a deal? The risk is part of the fun."

Hang on. Risk? What risk? What in the world is he talking about? Did it have something to do with the disappearing stag? Or were they still on about James's nudity? That latter guess wasn't fitting the statements they were coming up with though. Azkaban? Risk?

Sirius sobered up eventually, and casually said, "There was something I was going to ask you."

I perked up. Hadn't Sirius been on the edge of guessing correctly that I wanted to talk with the dog? Hmm. First the dog that was gone when you looked again, now the disappearing stag. What is it with Marauders and vanishing animals? Animals that shouldn't be inside Hogwarts in the first place.

"Oh, now I remember," said Sirius, ignoring my meow of 'Yes?' and continuing, "Can I dig through your trunk for the Map?"

Argh! We were so close! And now he's ruddy on about digging through a trunk. Merlin! How in the world am I supposed to get through to that boy?

James shrugged, "Sure. Why not?" and stood, coming over to where I was on the floor and picking me up. "Time for some lunch, eh, Lils?"

No, no, no, Merlin, no! I want distance today, not cute bonding time. Hence the reason I was outside. Sirius, save me, you prat! Don't you dare ignore me and open that trunk! Sirius bloody Black! Self-centered, inconsiderate toe-rag! I glowered at him.

At the very least you could reward me with telling me where the stag went. Or, even better, where the dog went. Then I could warn those poor animals to stay away from your selfish, uncaring charms.

I sighed as James started to carry me down the stair. I wished that I could ask him a couple questions and hear his explanations. How in the world did you get a stag in the dormitories, James? Is that what brought you to joke about Azkaban? It still doesn't make any sense.

Sense.

Severus! Oh, Merlin, what _am_ I going to tell Sev?

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map. _Check.

_Item two: Tell Sirius._ Check.

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._ Check.

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.  
_

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.  
_

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: Well, sorry this didn't come out on Tuesday. I didn't even turn my computer on, I was so busy. I gave you an extra long chappie to make up for it though. Did you like Lily's frustration? Admittedly since she is trying her hardest to communicate, she isn't acting as much like a cat would.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is nineteen. Can we make nineteen a good twenty-five? It's only a couple more chapters until he adds what I have to his list.

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. Thank you to my eight stalwarts! You make my day! Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check out tree-climbing Lils! Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16: Peter In Which Peter Reads

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Here we are. Finally. If you'll remember, Lily was quite confused about Sirius and James, and worried about Severus:

* * *

__

I sighed as James started to carry me down the stair. I wished that I could ask him a couple questions and hear his explanations. How in the world did you get a stag in the dormitories, James? Is that what brought you to joke about Azkaban? It still doesn't make any sense.

Sense.

_Severus! Oh, Merlin, what _am_ I going to tell Sev?_

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Peter**

Finally, the riddle will be out of my head once and for all! No more '_how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood_'!

Well, alright. It will as soon as we find something relevant. I keep getting sidetracked. Remus got immersed in a book of plays from someone named Shakes-peer. I probably should know about him, but I'm not good at remembering names and dates of History lessons, and I'm more interested in this Muggle cookbook of all things cheese anyway. I wonder if Greta Catchlove has seen this book.

Remus glanced up at me for the first time in an hour and remarked, "I thought you were set on finding that answer?"

"I thought you were set on helping me," I retorted.

"You're not going to find it in a cookbook," he shrugged, and turned his attention back to the playwright.

"Yeah, well, I'm finished with this one anyway," I grumbled. I paused, realizing that saying that would mean backing my statement up with some movement, preferably getting up and putting the book away. I winced, but I couldn't see any way around it.

I sighed, stood up, and put the cheese cookbook away. Glancing over the shelves nearest the table Remus and I had set up at, a title caught my eye. _Charlotte's Web_. If that is a Muggle romance novel, it has a really cheesy title. I picked up one of the many copies of it (for some reason the Muggle books came in multiples most of the time) and Remus, looking up for the second time in so many minutes, mentioned that I'd really like Tim-pull-ton. I raised my eyebrows at him and he groaned saying that Shakes-peer's histories were boring.

I asked him why he was reading them then, and he looked a bit insulted. "William Shakespeare is one of the greatest playwrights in history," declared Remus. "His comedies and tragedies are legendary. His histories are a bit boring, but his sonnets! Oh, if you could only appreciate his poetry, Wormy."

I put the _Charlotte_ book back on the shelf to give myself an excuse not to look at him while I rolled my eyes. Looking for a relatively large book that would prevent comments from an apparently bored Remus, and not really caring what I got, I grabbed a huge dictionary-like book from the 'P' section.

I banged it down on the table and opened it to find several sections. All the headings ended in the word 'phobia'. Muggles have fears? What sorts? I flipped through the pages, noting some rather unusual fears.

Several had something to do with bodily functions, and I wondered at those Muggles who feared something that instinctual. I flipped back through the pages before a word jumped out at me from off the page. Cat. The fear of cats. I looked up at Remus in disbelief.

"This Muggle book says I have Ailurophobia," I breathed in astonishment.

"What?" frowned Remus. "What is that anyway?"

"The fear of cats," I muttered, still trying to understand how a Wizarding fear made it into a Muggle book.

Remus burst out laughing, but quickly stifled his response before Madam Pince noticed. After he got control of himself, he quipped, "I guess you're not the only one to have a bad childhood experience with cats."

"That experience was exceptionally frightening," I protested.

"Yes, yes. And that's the reason you are an animal that cats take pleasure in chasing, right?" said Remus, grinning.

"Well," I paused, considering it. "Rats share my fear. So in a way, yes. I also adore cheese, and Sirius has pointed out that my small form and my face is conducive to being a rat."

"You _are_ such a rat," said Remus. He turned back to his book.

I glared at Remus for a moment with no effect before realizing how I could get him back. I flipped to the index and looked and looked, finally finding what I wanted under the 'S' section.

"Well, Moony, you have Selenophobia," I announced.

"What in the world—?" said Remus, glancing up once more.

"Fear of the moon," I briskly explained.

"Wormtail!" pleaded Remus, glancing around anxiously.

I had already moved on. I was now back searching through the index, muttering to myself, "I wonder if Sirius's fear is listed here."

"The trophy room?" asked Remus skeptically, focusing back on me. I ignored him. Of _course_ I would have to go with a more general term. Muggles don't have irrational fears about spending detention in the trophy room. Sirius would rather trade lives with one of the rest of us through badly made Polyjuice Potion than spend three hours in the trophy room with Filch. Let me see. Fear of shiny things, perhaps.

What is wrong with these Muggles? None of them are scared of shiny things?

Fear of magic wands? Hehe. Bertram Aubrey has that. Especially when Aubrey is in the Hospital wing. Rhabdophobia. What an interesting word. Bertram Aubrey. The thought of that threat that Sirius made and that took away my voice for two hours only made me want to find Sirius's fear even more.

Ooh, here's fear of metal. I found it! I grinned evilly. Remus noted my expression and asked, "Are you mad at Padfoot or something?"

I frowned. "Considering that I believe he made me dislocate my knee—"

"_Again_?" interrupted Remus, looking astounded.

I nodded and continued rather sarcastically, "And that he took me to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey was irritated at him, and she made me take a potion that took away my voice for only about _two hours_, yes, I am mad at him."

Remus winced sympathetically. He then looked curiously at the book. "Does that book have the fears of all the Marauders?"

"Selenophobia, Ailurophobia, Metallophobia, and — what was Prongs's fear again?" I asked, ticking them off on my fingers.

"Woolen sweaters?" suggested Remus.

So if you broadened that up a bit, that would be fear of... fear of... fear of string! Ha, ha! "Linonophobia," I exclaimed in triumph, locating it at last, and driving my finger at the word.

"Linonophobia," Remus chortled. "Why does that sound so similar to _Lily_-no-no-phobia?"

I started to laugh in spite of myself. "That does seem exceptionally suited for him."

"Linonophobia," repeated Remus, shaking his head with amusement. "I'll say one thing. Prongs doesn't seem able to say no to Lily nor her cat."

Oh, no. No. Merlin, no. Let me think. Item five or Item six? Both apply in this situation. Fine. I'll use both. Breathe deep. Not too fast. Act normal. Natural. Wait for it. Wait for it.

Hang on. Remus went back to his book. That must have been his closing thought. Biscuits. All that effort for no real reward. I pursed my mouth in thought.

Could I get away with sneaking cheese into the library? I am really craving some cheese right now.

I glanced up towards the librarian's desk. Godric! What is that crazy woman staring at me for? Its almost like she had the power to read minds. Alright, all right! I'll go back to my perusing. I reluctantly shut the book, then headed over to the shelves.

I had barely sat down again with another moderately huge volume, when Remus suddenly stood. I looked questioningly at him.

"I need to go get a bookmark," he said, memorizing the page number.

"You don't have one on you?" I asked skeptically. Remus always carried around pieces of parchment he used for bookmarks.

Remus shook his head, ignoring my disbelief as he left the library.

I looked back around the library. Merlin's beard. Will that ruddy woman stop staring over here? It's like I was doing something wrong. I looked down at my book and read the title for the first time. _Little Women_. I let my head fall onto the table.

Why is it so hard to do something right?

* * *

Peter's List

_Item one: Hide the map. _Check.

_Item two: Tell Sirius._ Check.

_Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._ Check.

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

_Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up. _Check.

_Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._ Check.

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: Well, I'm sorry this didn't come out yesterday. Or the two weeks before. I know I promised regular weekly updates. I had a few good reasons though, I swear. If you want to read about my crazy life, here: The first Tuesday I missed because I was watching my nieces and nephew (ages 4, 3, and 2) for about 6 hours while my brother went to the doctor. We finally found out what had made him such an invalid for over six months: A huge stomach ulcer. Thankfully he's on full recovery and has had no pain since then. That whole next week and then some, however, I was banned from my computer so that I could clean my room. Writing and cleaning are both extremely hard to do when one is watching children that young and who like to get into trouble as much as my nieces and nephew do. My room is still a disaster area, but I've got my computer back now. Why? Well, I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday. My dad kept calling me a chipmunk. And of course, that set me off laughing. Chipmunk, woodchuck. They're similar enough when you're on painkillers. Anyway, I'm typing this on my bed, cause I'm still on bed rest. And I couldn't post this until tonight because my wireless went on the fritz. So, those are my excuses. Are they good enough that you'll forgive me for the immense wait?

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is twenty-one. Great job, but can we make twenty-one a good twenty-five or maybe even thirty? It's only a couple more chapters until he adds what I have to his list. In fact, I'm writing that chapter right now.

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17: Sirius The Search

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Here we are. Finally. If you'll remember, Peter was having a bit of trouble trying to research in the Library:

* * *

_I looked back around the library. Merlin's beard. Will that ruddy woman stop staring over here? It's like I was doing something wrong. I looked down at my book and read the title for the first time. _Little Women_. I let my head fall onto the table._

_Why is it so hard to do something right?_

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEEN: Sirius**

Where is that bloody map? Clothes (there's the Invisibility Cloak), Prongs's mirror (got to set that down carefully), texts (he's still carrying _that_ one around?), old essays, doodles (how many different ways _can_ he embroider Lily's initials?), some unfinished homework, and I've emptied out practically the whole trunk with no map. Maybe I missed it somewhere.

I rummaged back through all his clothes, checked the Invisibility Cloak once more, before the doorknob turned suddenly.

I started piling the things back into James's trunk as fast as I could. It wouldn't do any good for James to see how much I had hunted through his trunk, looking for the map. I sat on my heels as the door completely opened to reveal —

Remus?

He stood there a moment, calmly observing the state of the room (Oops. I think there's still a pair of trousers on the windowsill) and my current position on the floor, kneeling close by James's open trunk.

"What are you doing, Padfoot?" he wearily asked.

"Er..." I quickly searched for a plausible answer.

"You're looking for the map, correct?" Moony stated more than asked.

"No, no!" I immediately objected. "I was looking for the... Cloak! Prongs's Invisibility Cloak!"

Remus pointed at the trunk. "You're on bad form today. You're usually smart enough to say something that's not in plain sight, Padfoot."

I turned to look at the trunk and, lo and behold, the Cloak was spread out over the whole trunk, covering nearly everything in there. Mangy Merlin. I thought I put that in first, not last.

"I had — just found it," I protested, trying to stick with my lie, "right before you came in."

"Just admit it, Padfoot. I guessed right," declared Moony.

"And then I spread it out so I could locate the pockets to find Prongs's mirror," I continued, ignoring Moony's comment.

Remus let out an incredulous chuckle. "Today is just not your day. The mirror is right there, next to your knee."

I looked down. Ruddy mirror. Bleeding cloak. Bloody map that started this whole mess. I took a deep breath and smiled up at Remus.

"I had just barely found it," I stated again.

Moony rolled his eyes. "Please. You are not being very persuasive. You must be really flustered."

I frowned. I absolutely hated it when someone saw through my stories. It makes me even more troubled, and it just spirals downward from there like a bird with a broken wing. My lies get weaker and weaker, and the person's determination for the truth gets stronger. I might as well just give up.

Moony shrugged, then suggested, "If you can't find it there, I may have borrowed it for a bookmark in one of my texts. Speaking of..." He went over to his bed and rooted around for a moment, finally pulling away with a blank piece of parchment, of which he tore off a corner and put the parchment back with the roll.

I watched with growing horror. "You're telling me you might have ripped off a corner for a bookmark?" I exclaimed.

Remus looked stunned. "No, of course not!" he upheld, shocked and defensive. "I would've put the whole thing in as a bookmark!" He paused. "If I even used it as a bookmark. I can't remember."

"You — you can't remember?" I burst out.

"I can't remember either way. I don't remember using it. But I also don't remember not using it," Remus sighed.

I regarded him warily as he gave me a half smile and went out of the dormitories. I immediately felt a wave of guilt as Moony disappeared from sight. I'm not acting like myself. This whole map business has set me on edge. I wish Wormtail would just tell me where the ruddy thing is. Then I could go and find Moony and express my apologies for overreacting.

I looked over at James's trunk. I felt disillusioned, betrayed somehow by the inanimate trunk. Giving a sigh, I decided to glance through Moony's texts to see which option he _should_ remember. Moony keeps all of his texts on a separate shelf.

_The Standard Book of Spells_ Grade One, Grade Two, Grade Three, Grade Four, Grade Five: a smattering of parchment corners marked his place in all of these. _A History of Magic_: Several parchments close to the front, indicating, I suppose, many tries to read without getting very far. _Magical Theory_: Dog-eared, but no parchment.

You know, I usually take offence when I hear someone call a down-turned corner of a page "dog-eared." Then _why_, for Godric's sake, am _I_ calling that book 'dog-eared?' I am really quite disgusted with myself.

_Quidditch through the Ages_: Well thumbed, and the pages are starting to wear. Not surprising, as he had lent it out to everyone. _A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration_: I snorted. I could hardly remember the days when we studied out of such rubbish. _Magical Drafts and Potions_ contained just a few torn corners of parchment, stuck in there randomly as far as I could tell. Even _Break with a Banshee_, one of Remus's favorite texts, didn't contain a whole sheet of parchment.

_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ was heavily graffitied. I took pleasure in noting that the whole section on werewolves was crossed out and rewritten by our resident werewolf. _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_, however, had no markings. It almost looked as if he had never touched it. _Hogwarts, A History_ and _Advanced Transfiguration_ were both relatively used looking, but with only scraps of parchment marking different places. _Numerology and Grammatica_ had numbers written all over the different margins, but no parchments.

Crumpets. I looked around, searching for another book. Surely Moony had another book somewhere. Something that housed the map. But, where? I had turned in a complete circle before diving for that cover of the book I felt sure had to house the map: _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_. The new book by an anonymous werewolf.

I eagerly flipped through the pages, growing anxious once more when no bookmarks appeared. I hesitated, then turned the book so that the pages were to the floor. Surely Moony would forgive me if I lost his place trying to find the map. I shook the book, holding it by its cover, and waited for something, anything to fall out of it.

No such luck. I shook it harder. Come on! No, please! Please be there. I sighed, disappointed. Where else could the map be? I looked under Peter's pillow, I looked through James's trunk, I even looked through all of Remus's books. Where else could I look? I huffed, frustrated.

Stupid rat. Hang on... what if he thought to trick me by hiding it in my things? I faced my fourth of the room, and winced. I probably should clear up my stuff sometime before the end of the year, but hey, it's only Easter. I've got plenty of time. Same amount of time I have to study for the OWLs. I snorted. Like anyone would ever catch me studying.

Speaking of which, why am I spending all of my time up here in the dormitories? There's a prank to plan. Easter Sunday is tomorrow. I exited the Common Room, pausing outside the portrait hole. Where'd James take Lils? The kitchens, right? Of course.

I started off for the kitchens. Lunch.

I'm starving. I wonder what I can get off of the house elves.

I paused in my stride for an instant. Evans. Wasn't she trying to tell me something? Before? Oh well, I shrugged and continued on my way. I forgot. I don't even remember her clues. Must not have been too important. I wish I could say sorry somehow without James noticing. I fought a grin for a minute before I realized I was all alone and free to grin as I pleased. James and Lils. James and Lily. Bonding down in the kitchens, and James doesn't even know it.

Hang on, I know what I can do. This ought to be fun to watch.

I grinned evilly as I thought through my plan. Who said anything about _me_ watching?

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: Well, this is just not my summer, is it? I meant to post this before I went on vacation, but life just got in the way. After I mostly recovered from my wisdom teeth, I totalled my car by crashing into the van in front of me. The airbags popped and everything. My first accident, and completely my own fault. So yeah. That was the Tuesday before I went on vacation. I am currently on vacation and count myself extremely lucky that my parents haven't found me on my grandma's computer yet. My wireless on my laptop isn't connecting again. Ugh. So, yeah. Sorry for the extreme wait. This is the longest I made you wait yet, and I thank you for your patience.

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is twenty-one. Great job, but can we make twenty-one a good twenty-five or maybe even thirty? It's only a couple more chapters until he adds most of what I have to his list.

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18: Lily Plans

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Sirius had just come up with a plan:

_

* * *

I paused in my stride for an instant. Evans. Wasn't she trying to tell me something? Before? Oh well, I shrugged and continued on my way. I forgot. I don't even remember her clues. Must not have been too important. I wish I could say sorry somehow without James noticing. I fought a grin for a minute before I realized I was all alone and free to grin as I pleased. James and Lils. James and Lily. Bonding down in the kitchens, and James doesn't even know it._

_Hang on, I know what I can do. This ought to be fun to watch._

_I grinned evilly as I thought through my plan. Who said anything about _me_ watching?_

**

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Lily**

Rubbish.

Nonsense.

Not on your life.

_Dumbledore_ couldn't make me.

I'd rather date the _Giant Squid_.

When pigs fly without the aid of magic.

I'd rather live as a Muggle.

When hell freezes over.

I'd rather be blindfolded in You-Know-Who's presence.

All right, I'll admit the last one is going a bit too far considering I'd be dead before batting an eyelash, but can you see my point? These are all things I'd say if any one of my friends suggested spending extra time with one Mr. James Potter, getting to know him better before judging him.

Heck, I _know_ who and what Potter is. He's an arrogant toe-rag of a bully, who struts around, thinking he's better than everyone else just because he's so good at Quidditch. He hexes people in the halls if they annoy him or his friends, and he's so conceited about it too.

But, oh Merlin, who is this James? It's like a personality overhaul. James is the boy who is sweet and kind and — Merlin, he's _loyal_. Ugh! Even considering how many times I've unleashed my red-headed temper on him for being thick and tactless, he will not hear one word against me.

How do I know this?

One word: Sirius.

Sirius was bound and determined to be completely and utterly obnoxious. He wasn't acting like this earlier. I wonder if he has a bet with himself on how long I will be able to resist his supposed jabs at my character. If so, he's losing. Every single time he says something outrageous and looks at me for my response, James gives him a warning look. If he says one thing more on the same subject, James will turn his back and not talk to Sirius until an apology is heard, and the subject is turned back to the prank.

The prank. I have to fight down a grin every time that I think about it. This is so unlike me. But just imagining the chaos and confusion that would bubble forth from everyone's chocolates being turned into fuzzy little creatures with minds of their own... the image is enough to set me giggling.

The two boys are currently going over the logistics of such an overhaul. I never imagined that doing a prank like that would be so difficult to pull off. The two are acting like generals orchestrating troop movements. Admittedly there are only four troops. Remus, Peter, Sirius and James. Three and a half if you count the fact that one of them will be watching me at all times. I mostly dread the decision on that issue.

Peter will most likely avoid that particular job, although Sirius and James consider him to be the biggest liability otherwise. Remus would be perfectly fine to watch me, except for the little fact that if he spends even thirty minutes alone with me as a cat, he'll see through the façade. Sirius would probably be the best, as he is aware of the whole truth anyway and he made that dumb rule in the first place, but I fear that he would ignore his own rule in the desire of being in the thick of things. On second thought, that wouldn't be so bad. I mean, it would be distracting for the other troops, but I could actually get in on some action.

Am I even Lily Evans? The way I'm talking now really doesn't sound like me at all. I mean, sure, I've tormented Petunia with little teasing pranks (you just _had_ to be there when I did the frogspawn soap; she screamed _so_ loud when I told her the truth); and yes, I got a letter from the Ministry warning me about doing magic outside school (but that was a complete emergency—all my friends agreed that there was nothing else to do with that hideous dress); and, fine, there was another warning for Severus and me when we first experimented with Muffliato against Tuney.

I smiled at the memory. Severus always had had a talent with combining the Latin words to make new spells, but I had been the first to suggest this particular jinx. Imagine, if you will, Petunia's reaction when she knew we're discussing _important_ things of the Magical world (namely: the not-so-important subject of whether the Cannons would lose the league... _again_), and she couldn't hear anything but a buzzing in her ears no matter what direction she was listening from. _She _was_ absolutely furious_.

She even attempted to climb a ladder to my second story window to try to listen in from there, but she admitted that the last thing she heard before she fell off the ladder was the interfering buzzing. I managed to save her from hurting herself, and that's actually the reason, I believe, that I was let off with a warning. Again. I felt a little guilty for laughing at my sister like I did, but she was and is the nosiest person ever.

I sighed, regarding once more the two black-haired boys sitting in my line of view who were deep in conversation about the prank.

I did not feel like myself at all as my eyes slid from Sirius to gaze at James. What is wrong with me? There was no other word for what I felt toward Potter but 'loathing' before I got changed into a cat. He was just so ruddy annoying. And the world's biggest prat. Not to mention a sworn enemy of my best friend.

I can be loyal too, you know.

I snorted softly at my defensiveness. Isn't it Hufflepuff that was supposed to value loyalty? If that's so, how come every single Gryffindor I know is loyal to their friends? And Slughorn won't stop saying I should've been sorted into Slytherin. I rolled my eyes, before realizing something. Slughorn was supposed to have another one of his dull parties on the Tuesday after Easter. Ha! I don't have to go when I'm a cat! The only thing that could spoil my glee was if Petunia took it upon herself to be interfering.

Oh, Godric. I just thought of something. Severus. Why in the world is he the last person on my mind right now? He's my best friend. My best friend who I now have to keep a huge secret from for his own good.

Oh.

Sev. I really need to come up with a cover story. Especially if he owls Petunia. He _would_ owl her first, and she _would_ see no reason to keep my absence from him. Tuney wouldn't mention it to our parents hopefully, although I never did get around to deciding whether or not I was coming home for the holiday. It turned out to be a moot point.

Sirius would never be able to come up with a proper cover story. I really dread what he will say to get Potter off his back when it comes time to change me back. Besides, he doesn't know _me_. The true reasoning behind my actions should come from me.

Okay. First off, the cat issue. I've always wanted a cat. Numerous people knew that. But why buy one _now_? Late birthday present to myself? Really late, I modified, two and a half months late. I tried to convince myself, but it failed to ring of truth. Er, for Passover? I had to laugh at myself. I'm a long stretch from being a Jew. Why was that even in my head? Anyway, er... great, now I'm drawing a blank. To get over the blank, I said the first words that I could force out of my mind.

Fine, I saw the most perfect cat in Hogsmeade and I just absolutely had to have her!

Wow.

That one is actually good.

Now for my reasoning for leaving the cat behind with James.

Er, well, um... Hmph. Well, maybe it depends on what I did over the break. Er, what _did_ I do over the holidays?

I thought for a moment. Skiing! Ha! Bet none of these wizards have ever skied before. Perfect! Who wants to take a cat skiing? Especially a little kitten like I am. It sounds so odd to call myself a kitten. Sirius or James has before, though, so I'm sure I'm tiny enough to be one.

Hold it, hang on, it hasn't snowed in ages. So not unless I went to the Alps or something... I wouldn't have been able to go to the Alps without parental approval and I'd never convince Mum and Dad to lie for me, especially to my best friend. It would be a lot easier for this alibi thing if Severus wasn't on speaking terms with my parents.

What is my alibi? Well, could I get anyone besides Sirius and Peter to confirm it? Let me see, Ruby, Beth, Emmeline, and Severus all stayed here for the holidays. Alice is the only one who left and she's with Frank. What were they doing again? It was something outrageous. Oh, yeah. Frank's family had a reunion and they were planning on doing it in France.

Again, way too overboard for me to be doing it without permission. Overboard. Hang on, didn't Justin say something about trying out his new boat this holiday? Justin would back me up, and Severus and James wouldn't be able to say a word.

So, I caved into Justin's persuasive wiles and went sailing. It helps to have a friend in Ravenclaw. And again, who wants a cat getting in the way and falling overboard on a boat?

Perhaps I should think about Justin for a while. It would get my mind off of James, at least. Justin is about three months older than me, in Ravenclaw as I said, and views himself as sort of Jam — Sev's rival. He plays Chaser on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. He lives closer to me and Severus than any other wizards our age. He is a half-blood, I think. His mum and dad are both wizards, but I believe his mum is Muggle-born. Not that it should matter.

Although it helps explain, a little, how I always thought he and his home-schooling parents viewed themselves arrogantly over the rest of us. After I found out I was a witch, and after it was confirmed by Dumbledore himself paying a visit to my parents, he eventually worked up the courage to approach me at school. I found out a lot about him, and we eventually became friends.

I smiled softly as I recalled Severus's face when I started bringing Justin with me to things, just as friends. Potter's too was amazed, and I think there was a hint of jealousy, although there has never been anything between Justin and I besides friendship.

I mentally groaned and buried my head in my paws. Why does James Potter keep inserting himself into my thoughts? Probably because I was staring at him the whole ruddy time. Sirius burst out laughing at something. I looked up again in confusion, only to see James proudly ruffling his hair. I must have missed something. James Potter's habits have no cause for Sirius to be laughing that loud.

"And then, the git blustered that Ravenclaw would win the Quidditch cup, can you believe it, Padfoot?" continued James. "There is absolutely no chance for them."

"So what did you do to him to prove him wrong?" asked Sirius, the confidence on his face sickening me.

"Hexed him, of course. That's what that spare detention last week was for," acknowledged Potter, starting to grin at the disbelief on Sirius's face. "Filch caught me again."

Oh, goody. Potter's back. Nice to know it was only a temporary leave of _his_ senses and not the complete insanity of my own. I tried to stop listening at this point, for if I was truly myself and not a cat, this is when I would've began telling him off. However, the next thing Sirius said sparked my curiosity.

"You've got to be joking, Prongs!" burst out Sirius. "You can't be holding the record _without_ me. You _promised_."

"Yes, well, I didn't _mean_ to get caught," retorted Potter, his grin vanishing. "We'll think of something to get you even with me. Would you like credit for Easter, Padfoot? Or do you just want to go hex someone?"

Sirius pouted. "You've been holding the record for a week without me. You wouldn't even tell me until now."

What ruddy record is he on about? And why is Jam—Potter trying to help Sirius hold this record?

"Padfoot, please be sensible. Not all of us only get detentions when we want them. I _do_ get caught sometimes when I think I'm safe."

He can say _that_ again. He thinks he is safe way too much, in my opinion.

"Especially after Evans has dipped her toes in the pool of authority, right?" asked Sirius sarcastically.

James's mouth went thin. I rolled my eyes at the jab obviously meant for me rather than James, then tilted my head as I noticed a certain resemblance between James's mouth and McGonagall's when she's upset. I wondered for a moment whether that was who he picked up the habit from.

"Padfoot, what is your problem today?" said James, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "You've been having a go at Lily Evans every five minutes or so."

"Nothing, Prongs," Sirius grinned suddenly. "I can't believe he thought he had the right to taunt you about Quidditch after putting you under Tarantallegra."

"The nerve!" agreed James, grinning in response and effectively distracted. "Just because my feet are dancing around, doesn't mean I'm not still the best dueler in school."

Hang on, what? James was actually hexed first? Since when does that happen? I got to my feet as the curiosity started to burn through and twist my initial resolve not to listen.

The saying, _Curiosity killed the cat_ happened to float annoyingly through my mind at this point.

"Anyway, I'd rather get caught hexing someone, since you got caught hexing someone," decided Sirius.

"You and your detention record," murmured James, shaking his head in amazement at his friend.

"You _promised_, Prongs," repeated Sirius sulkily.

"We were firsties! I didn't know what my luck was up against," retorted James.

Are they ever going to explain themselves? I frowned. Do I even _want_ an explanation?

"Your _luck_," repeated Sirius disparagingly, "is what persuaded you to promise that in the first place."

"That wasn't my _luck_, Padfoot," corrected James. "That was my knack for attracting trouble. My _luck_ is what gets me caught every time."

I snorted loudly at the distinction and immediately wished I hadn't. James turned to examine me, his eyes widening in concern.

"We probably shouldn't make Lils stay down here with us. She's just so small. That's the second time she's sneezed, and I won't have Evans blaming us for her cat catching cold," declared James.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "She's perfectly fine," he pointed out, and I nodded my head vigorously in agreement with Sirius. "You're just overreacting."

"Still, we were just chatting. We're done with the planning," said James, pursing his lips in thought. "Just let's carry on back in the Common Room, by the fire. I can finish telling you the rest on the way there."

"There's more?" said Sirius incredulously.

James nodded, then strolled over to scoop me up in his arms, adding, "I forgot to tell you what I did to Filch's office. He was furious, but he couldn't prove it was me."

"What did you _do_?" asked Sirius. I could only think of so many things one could do in Filch's office to make him furious. It was very tiny. Barely had enough room for him and his cat.

"Oh, I only filled one of his drawers with Dungbombs and set off the Filibusters in his drawer of confiscated stuff," James shrugged as he carried me out of the kitchens. "Not much, really."

Not much. Not _much_? Alright, apparently I haven't been introduced to the worst the Marauders can do in a limited amount of space. And with a limited amount of time. It wasn't like Filch to leave a "convicted criminal" in his office unsupervised. I half-heartedly wondered what James had done to get Filch out of his office for any duration of time.

"I suppose. Considering the trouble you _could_ have created in there," admitted Sirius eventually as we went up a staircase, confirming my earlier fears about the worst they could do, "I suppose you are quite lucky that he let you off with just one detention."

"Blessed, not lucky," corrected James.

It was silent for a while now, the two boys walking with slight grins on their face. I evaluated my positioning. How in Merlin's name did I always find myself snuggling into James's arms whenever we walked anywhere? Ugh! I can walk all by myself. I've lived in this castle for five years and I know my way around. I immediately sprang out of his clutch upon this realization. No touching _today_, Potter. I want my distance, and you had better get used to it.

No sly pouting either! I noticed that expression. It ruins the whole distancing thing. It makes me feel like you need comforting when you most certainly do _not_.

Yes! Ignore me completely. Go back to filling Sirius in on details of your detentions. Oof! Not _another_ trick step. Where are we, anyway? Hang on. Come back here, Potter! I didn't mean ignore me _that_ completely! _Sure_, just leave the kitten stuck in the stairs. Laugh your head off at some inconsequential reaction of Filch's, why don't you?

Oh ho, so _now_ you notice. Do you realize just how uncomfortable this is? Crap. He's petting and holding me. Again. Murmuring things like, "Don't worry, Lils," and "No nasty trick steps will trap you now." Well, maybe I can allow it, but just until we get to the seventh floor. As soon as the Fat Lady opens her portrait, I'm out of his arms. For good. Today, I just need distance. And a nap. Perhaps I should settle down for a nap. Especially if we are by that warm fire. Yeah, that would be excellent.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

* * *

A/N: I've had a birthday, shout hooray! Who wants to sing to me today? One year older and wiser too! Happy birthday to me! In honor of my recent birthday, here's a long chapter full of Lily, James, and Sirius.

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is twenty-one. Great job, but can we make twenty-one a good twenty-five or maybe even thirty? It's only next chapter until he adds most of what I have to his list.

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Come on lurking people, at least a review as a birthday present?

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!


	19. 19: Peter In Which Peter is Excited

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: At the end of the previous day, Lily was feeling irritable and sarcastic:

* * *

_Yes! Ignore me completely. Go back to filling Sirius in on details of your detentions. Oof! Not _another_ trick step. Where are we, anyway? Hang on. Come back here, Potter! I didn't mean ignore me _that_ completely! _Sure_, just leave the kitten stuck in the stairs. Laugh your head off at some inconsequential reaction of Filch's, why don't you?_

_Oh ho, so _now_ you notice. Do you realize just how uncomfortable this is? Crap. He's petting and holding me. Again. Murmuring things like, "Don't worry, Lils," and "No nasty trick steps will trap you now." Well, maybe I can allow it, but just until we get to the seventh floor. As soon as the Fat Lady opens her portrait, I'm out of his arms. For good. Today, I just need distance. And a nap. Perhaps I should settle down for a nap. Especially if we are by that warm fire. Yeah, that would be excellent._

* * *

**CHAPTER**** NINETEEN: Peter**

The excitement is getting to me. Today in just a couple hours is when we pull the prank! Galloping graphorn! Talk about Easter Sunday. Last night, we sent out a little flyer to all the Slytherins from Slughorn or something telling them that if they brought their chocolate Easter eggs and ate them for dessert this afternoon all together, it would show their house pride. You'd think they'd recognize Remus's and my handwriting by now. Stupid Slytherins.

Those flyers are what Remus and I worked on after we took our food break yesterday. I am so glad we found out where the kitchens were in our first year. I get cravings and, well, generally hungry at odd times. I wonder if the house elves have any more of that delicious mozzarella combination they served me yesterday. Mmhmm, that was good.

Easter bunnies! Wicked!

See what I mean? I can't stop from randomly bursting out with the words and bouncing up and down in my excitement. That's why James and Sirius locked me in the dormitories early this morning: I am way too excited for the noon feast. Much more than it calls for, normally.

And so I've taken out my list to once more add some more items. I left off with item ten. Alright.

I paused, my quill hovering in the air above the parchment. Er, how should I continue? What should I put down? Oh, okay, I know! Let's start off with hard and get easier. My quill scratched dramatically as the ink of my first item of the day soaked into the parchment.

_Item eleven: Don't show my fear of the cat._

That's a toughie right there. I have Ailurophobia, for goodness sake. Looking over the list, I noticed that I have way too many don'ts. What is a 'do' that I could put down?

Do...

Do...

Oh! I quickly refilled my quill and wrote.

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Remus could very well ruin everything. Who else has that power? I nearly dropped the quill. Oh crumpets! Thank goodness we don't have a very persistent and close relationship with the Headmaster. I rushed to write down my next rule.

_Item thirteen: Do not talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

I rubbed absentmindedly at the ink spots that now stained my hands as I reread that rule. It was missing something. Oh, right!

_Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

I shuddered as I remembered how many times Dumbledore had turned his penetrating gaze on one of us and we crumpled under it. Maybe I should put down a couple of rules to help me do the other rules.

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

I reread that rule, thinking.

My jaw dropped open. Oh my word! I could ruin everything with a slip of my tongue. My quill scrawled across the paper as I rushed to write down my realization.

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

I still need another rule that helps me keep the rules. Hmm. I pursed my lips. I could always go for the obvious.

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out that the cat is Lily._

Lily, right. I should not use that name around the cat either. Er...

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Boiling Bludgers. I was doing so well with concentration, and then _that_ has to go and intrude. I haven't yet found the answer yet, by the way. I'm starting to bounce again in my excitement. Might as well give up. I wish I had some chocolate though. Chocolate actually calms me down. It's odd, I mused as I twirled my quill. Give Sirius or James chocolate, especially Sirius, and they go through the roof with hyperactivity. With me, on the other hand, I actually calm down and relax. Remus can go both ways depending on where the moon is at the moment. Quaffles and Snitches! We are going to turn all the Slytherins' chocolate eggs into bunny rabbits today! Nyah-nyah-na-na-nyah. Hehe. Ha ha. Hehe.

Ah well, seventeen is a good number to leave off on. I've lost my train of thought any—What? What's this? Eighteen? When did I write this? It wasn't there a moment ago. I read it aloud in my shock.

"_Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._"

Oh, oops. It must have been when I was fantasizing about chocolate. I started to try and scrub off the ink with a nearby rag. I don't honestly have to have this on the...

I dropped the rag in shock. Who put a charm on this? I quickly grabbed my wand, and directed it at the parchment. Tergeo! I-I-I c-can't erase the r-ruddy item. I was even stammering in my head, I was so shocked. Tergeo! Tergeo! Come on, ink. Siphon off. Please! Tergeo! Come on, _please_? Tergeo! Pretty please with a Chocolate Frog on top? Tergeo!

I felt the fury building as I continued my internal monologue with the parchment. Do I need to bring out the revealer? Tergeo! Don't make me get angry. It's not very pretty when I'm angry. Tergeo! Fine, I'll give you three minutes to decide to cooperate with me.

I sat there, pouting, for about thirty seconds. Ah, who am I kidding? Like I can wait three minutes. I raised my wand again. Tergeo! Maybe the parchment is mad at me for my outburst? Alright, so I'm sorry. Tergeo! Please, parchment, I really don't want to put forth the effort to rewrite the whole list. I grimaced as I imagined everything I'd have to do. I'd have to find another roll of parchment, get out some more ink, sharpen my quill—all way too much effort for some stupid list. My eyes widened as I registered the insult. Not that I'm saying _you're_ stupid. Just a little on the thick side. Get it? I snorted. Thick. Not hearing any answering laughter from the stationary parchment, I added, Ri-i-ight. Not funny in the least. You're right. A hopeful feeling bubbled up inside me. Perhaps I was forgiven? Tergeo?

I saw a glimpse of myself reflected in the glass of the window. Fudge. _Look_ at _me_. Talking to a silly piece of parchment. All over a stupid item that won't erase. Speaking of that, tergeo! Maybe James was right. Maybe I am off my rocker.

Well, at least that would explain the woodchuck thing. How much wood _could_ a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I sighed, calming down slightly. But then a grin broke across my face. Easter Bunnies! Flaming Gargoyles, that will be cool!

I reread my whole entire list, and reaching the last item, I thought, well, I don't absolutely have to follow every single rule that I wrote down, now do I? I smiled patronizingly around at the empty beds in the room.

I felt my body start to move of its own volition. Hang on, why am I standing up? Sit down! Pick up the parchment again! Where am I going? I looked anxiously around for any clues, any hints as to who or what was doing this to me.

Oh no.

No!

No, _no_, NO! I will not! _You_ — evil parchment — you cannot make me! I shan't. I shan't, and you can't make me. I will just fold my arms. You might be able to make me stand by Remus's bed, but you can't make me reach out and steal his chocolate.

No matter how good it would taste inside my mouth. I closed my eyes, visualizing the chocolate melting over my tongue. Mhmm. Maybe just a little candy. Remus won't notice. No! No, no, no. He _will_ notice. He will go berserk. Remus will notice. Remus will notice. I repeated it over and over in my head to try to prevent any involuntary movements.

Unfortunately, it couldn't stop my arms from loosening and my hands from reaching.

To my dismay, I found my hand had closed on a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. I couldn't very well refuse what was already in my hands. I didn't have the self control necessary.

I took a bite.

While the chocolate was still in my mouth, the door swung open with a bang, and Sirius strode in.

"Time's up, mate! We can all go down to the Great Hall now. Only a matter of minutes, Wormtail."

He paused, staring at my abandoned bed.

"Wormy?" he said in confusion. "Wormtail? Where are you, mate?" Sirius started to swivel on the spot looking for me.

Quickly swallowing and hiding the wrapper behind my back, I managed to say, "Bully. No more waiting. Wicked."

Sirius turned towards my voice. "Why are you over at Moony's bed?"

"Er..." I hesitated, not wanting to reveal my intrusion into Remus's stash of chocolate.

"Is the Map over there?" His eyes lit up weirdly as he asked, and he took a few steps closer to me. I twitched involuntarily at the mention of the map, though I was sure my wariness of his sanity conveyed itself to my expression as I slowly shook my head from side to side.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Then why are you over there?"

I was wondering the same thing. "I — well — I didn't mean to — the parchment — not cooperating — it made me... Never mind," I stammered, unable to present a plausible reason for my insane excursion.

Sirius regarded me with curious eyes, then he must have decided to humor me, for he shrugged and said casually, "Come on down to the Great Hall, mate. The Slytherins have all sat down, comparing the sizes of their chocolate eggs."

He continued to stand there, waiting for something. I stood still, wondering what he was waiting for.

"Wormy? Are you there?" he finally burst out. "Come on, let's go! Prongs will get beyond impatient in about two more minutes, and if we're not down there by then, he'll start without us."

"Oh! Right!" I exclaimed.

But still I did not move.

"Wormtail," whined Sirius. "What're you waiting for?"

"I dunno," I said, wondering how in the world I was going to get rid of the evidence currently behind my back with him standing right there.

"Well, then let's go!" blurted Sirius, showing his own impatience.

"Just give me a minute," I said slowly. I really _was_ bad at winging an excuse.

"C'mon, Wormy!" moaned Sirius.

"Go on without me. I'll catch up." The words were correct, but my tone sounded all wrong. Dead, somehow. Was I really that bad at lying?

Sirius looked surprised, and somewhat offended. "You are acting really strange, Wormy," he started.

"Padfoot," I reprimanded, my tone alive again. "Trust me."

He looked on the border of protesting again, so I added, "I just need a minute alone to clear my head for the prank. I've been worrying about the cat."

Sirius's mouth twitched, like he was hiding a grin. "Alright, but no more than thirty seconds. That gives us a minute to get to the Great Hall before Prongs goes crazy. We'll have to run."

"Great." My voice had gone back to the dead tone, and I grinned to make it go away.

Sirius grinned in response, tapped his wrist, and disappeared out the door.

Thirty seconds. I stood in place for five seconds before remembering that Sirius was dead literal about things like that. I hurried to stuff the rest of the chocolate back into Remus's secret stash. I dashed over to my bed and glared at my parchment for ten seconds before managing to get hold of myself and stuff the parchment out of sight inside one of my texts on the desk next to my bed. I heard the door creak and spun around.

Sirius was leaning in the doorway, observing my state of barely controlled panic. "Five... four..." he started counting down, as my chest heaved with the burst of exertion in the last twenty-five seconds. "Three... two... one." He straightened, and with a meaningful glance at me, he turned and loped down the stairs, calling over his shoulder, "Betcha I can beat you to the Great Hall!"

"No fair!" I cried in surprise. "You got a head start!"

I started running after Sirius, only to hear him shout, "I gave you fair warning! Now let's get there before Prongs goes off!"

I shook my head, not sure if I could make it all the way into the Great Hall, if I was really running after Sirius. Merlin, that boy could run fast. I picked up speed going down a staircase, two stairs at a time. I lowered my head and barreled on, wheezing harder than Filch.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

_Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

_Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

* * *

A/N: Sorry this is so late. I was having a little trouble with this chapter and the next, just because so much happens in the next chapter. And then vampires took over my mind for a little while as Breaking Dawn consumed me. So, I am sorry about the wait. Extremely sorry. I won't do it again. I hope.

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Extreme thanks to: shetlandlace, Kylani, secrets of the roman empire, Black, Shiny Pearl, Kylani, Second Daughter of Eve, and 14hp1 for contributing items eleven to eighteen in Peter's list.

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is twenty-two. Great job, but can we make twenty-two a good twenty-five or maybe even thirty?

Six reviewers on the last chapter? Honestly, folks. It was my birthday, and wasn't encouraging as I traversed that writers block. There is a direct correllation between reviews and ideas. I'm slightly disappointed in one hundred and eighty four of you readers that didn't review, and proud of the six that did. Yes, I am informed on exactly how many times people viewed each of the chapters. And I know for a fact that forty one of you should have received the notice in your email that I updated. I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Don't make me set a review limit for putting up the next chapter. Just review!

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!


	20. Chapter 20: Remus OCED

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Sirius started a race with a panicking Peter:

* * *

_He straightened, and with a meaningful glance at me, he turned and loped down the stairs, calling over his shoulder, "Betcha I can beat you to the Great Hall!"_

_"No fair!" I cried in surprise. "You got a head start!"_

_I started running after Sirius, only to hear him shout, "I gave you fair warning! Now let's get there before Prongs goes off!"_

_I shook my head, not sure if I could make it all the way into the Great Hall, if I was really running after Sirius. Merlin, that boy could run fast. I picked up speed going down a staircase, two stairs at a time. I lowered my head and barreled on, wheezing harder than Filch._

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY: Remus**

James was getting antsy. A necessary evil, I reassured myself, as he fingered his wand, twirling it repeatedly through his fingers under the table.

"Remember the plan," I muttered under my breath.

"Of course I remember it. I helped make it," retorted Prongs softly.

The main problem arose from the fact that we didn't know how long it would take Sirius to drag Peter away from the dormitories and down to the Great Hall. With the undefined time slipping away, and no way to do a countdown in sight, Prongs was understandably anxious to get started.

"You can't go and find them," I reminded him, just to steady myself and him.

"I know," he moaned.

The time stretched in the silence between us. Suddenly James, who had been bouncing minutely in his seat, froze, his eyes fixed on some point close to the door.

"What did we decide to do about Lils?" murmured James to me, his voice going higher with his panic.

"Er, I dunno." I was stunned. How could we have forgotten about the cat in all our planning? Surely Sirius had planned something. It was his odd rule in the first place. "Wasn't Sirius planning on keeping an eye on her?" I suggested.

"Yeah, right, that's right," he mumbled, his eyes still locked on the object close to the floor of the door as he stowed his wand. "Shouldn't be too long now, then, I suppose."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly feeling my own panic building as James looked away and started bouncing again.

"Lils is right there," said Prongs softly, waving a hand in the general direction that he had stared in before.

I turned around and saw the cat, sitting patiently on her haunches, waiting for something to happen. "Great, just great," I muttered under my breath.

The silence once more stretched out between us. I felt every second drag as it ticked by.

I suddenly noticed that James had his wand out again. Twirling it in between his fingers he muttered, "Two minutes, max."

With a shock, I felt something warm and furry brush past my leg. At my jolt, James looked at me in earnest, his wand raised defensively, and started chuckling when he saw the trespasser.

"Lils," he chortled. "Ha. You jumped a foot because of Lils?"

"I wasn't expecting her, Prongs," I shuddered. Turning away from James crooning at the cat, I muttered to myself, "I will never get used to cats. Owls are so much more practical."

Somehow, even through the happy babble of the feast, James heard me, and he stopped crooning to grin mischievously at me. "Cats are cleaner than owls. They use their own litter boxes," he argued.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and decided to take the bait. "But can cats carry your mail, Prongs? No."

"But, Moony, cats are more entertaining," protested James.

"Oh, certainly," I agreed sarcastically. "Especially around Wormtail. And Padfoot. But owls will give you the better companionship."

"How?" argued James. "How is a solitary bird a better companion than a cuddly kitten?"

"It knows when you want to be left alone," I retorted.

"But the cat knows when you shouldn't be alone," reasoned James. "So doesn't that make the cat the better _companion_?"

"Maybe I chose the wrong word," I allowed.

"No, you didn't. You want a cat, subconsciously. You just don't know it yet," suggested Prongs.

"Yeah, right." I snorted, amused.

James grinned in response. Making me lighten up had lifted his own mood. "You started it," he muttered, still grinning. "I'm all for rabbits, myself."

I couldn't help but grin at him. "Yeah. Sure."

The conversation trailed off as I decided to review the plan, once again. Just as I got to the part where we would clean up the mess, the doors to the Great Hall burst open and Sirius and Peter strode in.

The difference between Padfoot and Wormtail was vast. Sirius strutted over to the Gryffindor table like he owned the whole school. Peter followed him, pausing to bend over and lean on his knees, gasping and wheezing hard, and then struggled to keep pace with Sirius again.

Sirius walked over to where we sat and smoothly sat down across from James, saying, "What did I miss?" with a knowing grin.

"An argument about whether cats or owls were better companions for the young witch or wizard," rattled off Prongs.

"Not much," I qualified.

Sirius was staring in bemused curiosity at James. "Which side did you take, Prongs?"

"Cats," said James proudly, pausing to make Lils's paw wave at Sirius. "Moony took owls."

Sirius had twisted his expression into mock horror. "_My_ best mate? Arguing for _cats_?"

Curious, I asked, "What would you have said if Prongs had taken owls instead?"

Sirius twisted around to me, and said, "_My_ favorite Moony _wanted_ to take _cats_?"

We all burst into laughter, as Peter sat down across from me, with a big sigh of relief.

Sirius made himself look disgruntled. "I'm still disappointed neither of you took the side of dogs," he announced.

"What?" asked Wormtail in confusion, giving Sirius a double-take, and the three of us exchanged a look and laughed again.

"It'll take too long to explain, Wormtail," I said apologetically. "It's probably not really as funny as it seems right now."

"Down to business," said James and Sirius together.

The four of us put our heads together and softly repeated the chant that proceeded every major prank. Our motto, as it were.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Yes, the same motto that we made our password for the Marauder's Map. We had burned it into our memories every single time we were up to no good.

James, whose face was a mask of calmness now with only a glint of excitement showing in his eyes, matter-of-factly picked up the cat that was currently on his lap and tried to pass her over to Sirius. "Here, Mr. Padfoot."

Sirius, pursed his lips in apparent confusion. Uh-oh. "What do I want with Lily's cat?" he asked slowly.

"Your rule," I reminded him. "Number three of the rules for the cat."

"Which is?" asked Sirius.

James sighed. "Lils can't be involved in any pranking. 'No tagging along during a prank,'" he quoted.

Sirius frowned. "Well, Mr. Prongs's rule overruled mine. 'Have fun.' We'll just have to ask Lils if she thinks pranking is fun."

Peter was looking between the two with apprehension bordering on terror. I couldn't make up my own mind between amusement and irritation. Padfoot, turning to face the cat who was now standing in the middle of the table, nodded his head exaggeratedly as he slowly asked her, "Is pranking fun for you?"

I indulged myself in rolling my eyes, then focused in on the cat. The cat had the oddest expression on her face. If she were human, moving those same muscles would have probably resulted in one eyebrow raised, but as cats don't have distinguishable eyebrows, it just resulted in a weird contortion of the cat's face.

After a long, drawn out silence, made more awkward by Peter's fidgeting and Sirius's stare and continued nodding at the cat, Lils sat down on her haunches and nodded. I stared at her, amazed. Although James and Sirius had spoken about how she could and would communicate with them, this was the first time I saw that in action. She looked around at the rest of us, and her tail twitched impatiently. Lils must have caught sight of my expression, for she turned to face me more fully, meowed once, and nodded reassuringly.

I felt my face harden in shock. Maybe I was going mental, but it seemed as if the cat actually understood what was going on. But that's impossible. As I debated with myself, Sirius and Peter exchanged a loaded glance that I didn't understand. Prongs looked satisfied, and reached for the cat again. Lils eyed his outstretched arms warily and moved to the other side of the table, closer to Sirius and Peter. James pouted slightly as both Padfoot and Wormtail looked at Lils in surprise. Peter's face was, understandably, tinged with panic, but Sirius's expression was the one that surprised me. His surprise was more irritated than one might expect.

Dismissing their expressions and regaining control of my own, I reminded them of the first step. Observation. We had to pick a moment that would be beneficial to performing the prank correctly. We crowded together and tried to look at the Slytherins while being discreet.

"Look at Crabbe," chortled Sirius. I looked over to see that the boy in question was currently dipping his bread in his pumpkin juice and making faces at the combined taste.

"What in the world is Rosier doing?" asked James in amazed horror. I quickly glanced at him. He was holding his chocolate egg up to the light and stroking it gently with an awed expression.

Anxiously, Peter pointed. "And what about Snape?" His question had the desired effect. All three of us focused in on Snape.

He was looking shiftily eyed around the Slytherin table. I saw a flash of silver that could be Sickles in his hands as he addressed Goyle.

"What in the world is wrong with the Slytherins today?" I breathed in astonishment as Goyle shook his head and Snape looked crestfallen, and then even more determined. Snape reached into his robes and pulled out something that made Goyle nod reluctantly and pass over his chocolate Easter egg to Snape.

"Now," muttered James. All four of us raised our wands, and heard the cat's meow.

The longest three seconds of my life occurred as all four of us glanced down at Lils. She was, well, actually glaring at Prongs, who grudgingly tore his eyes off of Snape to look down at her.

"What?" whispered James in irritation. Lils shook her head, and pointed her tail towards the raised table at the top of the hall. The teachers. We stared wide-eyed at each other, then Sirius chanced a glance up at the teachers.

"Flaming Snitches," cursed Sirius, turning back swiftly. "Sluggy's talking to Dumbles."

Peter's eyes went wide, and he started mumbling under his breath, "Items thirteen and fourteen. Items thirteen and fourteen."

Not bothering to figure out what Wormtail was going on about, I quickly sized up the situation myself. Professor Slughorn was actually indicating the odd and slightly mental behavior of his House with his hand as he continued to talk to Professor Dumbledore. I also noticed Professor McGonagall eyeing the Gryffindor table suspiciously, as if she was looking for us.

"Alright, so what we need is an initial distraction. Some sort of explosion to draw the attention of the teachers away from the Slytherins." I looked expectantly at Padfoot and Prongs, who had most recently snuck into Zonko's.

Both had identical grins on their faces as they started to pull things out of their pockets. I shook my head, smiling indulgently. Peter's eyes lit up with excitement as he saw the new items.

James and Sirius seemed to hold a silent argument: James pointed to one item, then another, while Sirius nodded or shook his head, and James either agreed or disagreed, and they whittled down the items. Finally they seemed to have come to an agreement on two extra-small Dungbombs, as those were the only two items left on the table—the rest had gone back into their pockets.

"What are those?" asked Wormtail, looking at the two miniature Dungbombs with evident longing. He never could keep up with the newest pranking materials.

"They're Dungbombs," said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"Why are they that small?" I wondered aloud.

"More convenient for pockets," explained James. "Also," he added with a wicked smile, "those two can really cast a smell over the place."

"What smell should we pick, Mr. Prongs?" asked Padfoot.

"You get to pick the smell?" I interrupted. "Wicked." I liked that.

Prongs pursed his lips. "I was _planning_ on drenching Snivellus in something sweet-smelling with those."

"Great idea!" exclaimed Sirius. "He needs _something_. Merlin knows how much he hates shampoo."

An odd thing happened just then. Lils, who had still been glaring at James from her place by Sirius's elbow, turned her glare at Sirius instead and stalked down to my end of the table, carefully stepping around the two mini-Dungbombs. She lay down close to the edge and continued to shoot dark looks toward Padfoot and Prongs.

I tried my best to ignore the presence of the cat and focused on a compromise for the prank. Peter was protesting that we needed both Dungbombs to have a nasty smell to draw everyone away.

I broke into the conversation, "What if we do this? Mr. Prongs can throw a sort-of nasty smelling Dungbomb at the Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws. And a sweet smelling Dungbomb at the Slytherins as a whole."

"Mr. Moony, what do you mean by 'sort of nasty'?" asked Padfoot.

I paused, thinking. "Rotten eggs or sour milk... something organic. We could do lavender or strawberry for the Slytherins." I allowed a grin to creep up on my face. "It will really confuse them if they start smelling like roses in the middle of a feast."

My grin was matched with three others, and a blank expression from the cat I'm supposed to be ignoring. Good thing she was ignoring me.

James tapped each Dungbomb once with his wand, then said in a low voice, "Ready, Messieurs?"

All of us nodded together. I stole a quick glance up at the teachers' table. Nothing too much had changed there, except for a small smile tugging at Professor Dumbledore's beard. At the Slytherin table, the main change was that Rosier had procured a candlestick from somewhere and was now attempting to balance his Easter egg on top of it. Oh, and Snape had started shaking Goyle's egg and holding it up to his ear like an early Christmas present.

Prongs quickly let the two Dungbombs fly, twisting in his seat to aim for the Hufflepuff table and twisting back to lob one over almost past the Slytherins. His accuracy, as should be expected, was excellent. The Slytherin one landed right in between Snape and a laughing Mulciber. The other landed in full sight directly on the Hufflepuff table. Right in front of gossipy Bertha Jorkins and her friends. Predictably, the girls started screaming as a hiss came from the Dungbomb and it started to smell and smoke.

I was impressed that the Slytherins weren't noticing any difference in their own surroundings, instead choosing to laugh at the poor Hufflepuffs as most of the teachers stood to address the disturbance. That is, until I caught a smirk on James's face. "Tell me," I demanded, a hint of a smile betraying me.

"Well. . . . You can set it to loud stink explosion, or pervasive silent soaker," he explained in a whisper.

I was shaking my head in amusement. "Okay, so as soon as the Slytherins get distracted by their own smell, we go into Cast."

Already, the teachers were converging on the spluttering tiny Dungbomb behind us that was emitting a smell of rotten tomatoes and the group of screeching girls that surrounded it. I had to give a point to Prongs for creativity there. I cut off a large piece of my steak, grateful that the house-elves had given me one that was more rare than the surrounding place settings, and started to chew it as Snape and Mulciber wrinkled their noses, eyed each other warily, and glanced away searching for the source of the smell.

Within ten seconds, the whole of Slytherin had settled down from their mocking and were looking around in confusion. The ones closest to Snape and Mulciber were eyeing the two suspiciously. I nodded to James and Sirius and Peter. Together we raised our wands slightly.

"Wingardium Leviosa," I murmured, and all of the chocolate eggs at the Slytherin table rose into the air. Rosier fought with his egg, trying to wrestle it to the ground, and I raised his even higher, guiltily enjoying the panicked look he cast towards the ever farther floor. He eventually let go with a horrified squeak and fell on the bench.

Prongs and Padfoot exchanged one quick grin, before Transfiguring each and every one of the chocolate Easter eggs into a live, furry, and sometimes multi-coloured rabbit.

Wormtail, looking overly excited, attempted to do one all by himself, and ended up making a chocolate egg into a chocolate rabbit. Padfoot and Prongs burst into laughter at his downcast expression, before Prongs took pity and turned the chocolate rabbit into a mud-coloured live rabbit that seemed to twitch an awful lot in the air it was suspended in.

After Prongs and Padfoot had finished, which took roughly twenty to thirty seconds, I quietly banished the rabbits, some back into their owners hands, and some onto the Slytherin table, as planned.

By this time, the teachers had quieted the seventh-year girls that had been the biggest victim of our distraction, and most were already passing the Ravenclaw table to help out the Slytherins. However, the Slytherins, already freaked out by the mysterious sickly sweet smell that had permeated their side of the room, went ballistic at their precious sweets being turned into live rabbits.

Time for Enjoy. The third step to pranking. There were four steps to pranking, did you know that? We had created an acronym for the steps. OCED. The letters stood for Observation, Cast, Enjoy, and Done, or, more than likely, Detention. The D part had been an ongoing argument. Detention seemed to be winning out as most of the school's teachers caught on to our tactics.

Anyway, the Slytherin girls were shrieking in horror; they were even louder and more shrill than the Hufflepuffs. I winced. Having a werewolf's sharpened senses did not help when it involves girls screeching. The Slytherin boys were taking it in turn to retreat from the table, go back and eat a few bites, and run away again as another rabbit got too close. The cowards. Goyle was glaring at Snape as if this situation was all Snape's fault, and Rosier was leaping after the rabbit that had once been his Easter egg, jumping on the top of the table as the rabbit darted and weaved through the feast's dishes. The mud-coloured rabbit looked to be having a seizure in Regulus Black's hands. Ah, so that's why Prongs didn't bother with a more creative colour. And why Padfoot didn't have anything to do with the exchange.

Rabbits of all colours were running up and down Slytherin table. A sickly green seemed to be one of the dominant colours, as were red and gold. The violet ones looked a little shocking, I'll admit, but the best was the rabbit that came from the egg Snape paid Goyle for. Of course, both Padfoot and Prongs had wanted to make that one daring. But for a rabbit to be that disfigured . . . I shook my head in amazement.

The poor animal was multi-coloured, and by that I mean green stripes with orange and blue splotches, red feet and yellow ears. The thing also had a more than vague resemblance to a toad. It had an extra-long tongue that was currently guarding a stash of Licorice Snaps, along with no tail, and the Transfigured chocolate egg had a habit of sitting on its haunches. In place of the tail, there was a huge wart. The look on Snape's face was astonishingly hysterical.

The teachers were having a . . . distracting time dealing with the pandemonium on the other side of the room. I stared, amused, as the wizened Divination teacher clapped her hands together, crossed herself, and dropped to her knees as if she was praying. Professor Slughorn was throwing his belly around, not truly willing to go against the swarm of rabbits now infesting the Slytherin tables. Professor Flitwick looked like a medical examiner as he poked and prodded one of the more exotic rabbits with his wand, nodding to himself every so often.

Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore were the only ones still at the staff table. Professor Sprout had her arms around one of the Hufflepuff girls, and was loudly comforting her that she didn't smell _that_ bad. Professor McGonagall was staring suspiciously at the four of us, and I wondered what punishment she would give us, when something happened to give us away.

My fellow Marauders were having a much harder time toning down their amusement than I was. I would let out a chuckling fit as one of the funnier Slytherins would do something, but I was mostly content with amused stares, and grins that I would hide behind a hand. I could also eat more steak this way. I was probably the most calm of the Marauders, though.

Wormtail was currently experiencing a laughing fit involving squeaking and snorting as he tried to breathe through his laughter. Padfoot was barking a loud laugh, as he observed the Slytherins. Prongs was hunched over and shaking as silent laughs racked his body. And . . . ow, what was that?

I looked down at my arm to see Lils kneading her claws into my sweater. "Oh, no you don't," I muttered, moving my arm up and away from her. She watched the sweater intently as it dangled off my arm. What is wrong with this cat? I lowered my arm again, warily. She wasn't scratching me or anything, just poking my arm with her pinprick claws.

"Look!" choked Prongs. "Look at Snivellus!"

I looked up, distracted from the cat. I immediately saw what James was talking about. Snape had discovered the Dungbomb. I burst out laughing at the expression on his face; I couldn't hold my laughter in any longer. Snape's eyes widened as he made the connection between the sweet scent now enveloping him and the Dungbomb that was still emitting a little perfumed smoke. I laughed as his face looked bewildered. Confused, even.

At that moment, just as Snape was turning to look over at the four of us, the door to the Great Hall burst open.

All the occupants, students and teachers alike, turned to see who had rudely interrupted today's entertainment.

"PEEVES!"

The echoing shout was followed by a cackling noise up by the ceiling. The whole hall had silenced, well mostly. Enough for everyone to hear the labored breathing and awkward running gait of the Hogwarts caretaker.

I looked up at the poltergeist curiously. Peeves was looking absolutely delighted at the mess made by the chocolate-turned-rabbits.

"PEEVES!" yelled Filch once more. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THA—ah." Filch stumbled to a halt upon entering the Great Hall. He looked dumbstruck. That was too much for Padfoot and Prongs. They burst into laughter, and were quickly followed by Wormtail. I was shaking, trying to hold in my laughter and concentrate on the blossoming scene.

"Was there something you needed, Argus?" asked Professor Dumbledore politely.

"How the—? What? Did _he_—?" Filch stuttered. He looked around at the sheepish teachers and frightened Slytherins and roared, "PEEVES!" That was too much for me. I started laughing too.

Professor Dumbledore smiled slightly before indicating the Gryffindor table. "I'm afraid the culprits for tonight's mess are enjoying themselves right over there."

James, Sirius, Peter and I were brought up short as we exchanged an anxious look. It wasn't as if we hadn't expected to be caught, but to be pointed out in front of Filch was undesirable. He would try to make our lives a living hell if he possibly could and Prongs was already in a bit of a mess from his instinct to trash Filch's office.

Filch looked bewildered, then noticing the four of us, sitting together at the table Professor Dumbledore had indicated, stumped over to glare at us. "Of course, these four," he sneered. "May I have the pleasure of bringing out the chains for this befouling of the castle?" he asked Professor Dumbledore, practically begging.

Professor Dumbledore stared at Filch, eyebrows raised, until Filch ducked his head under the penetrating gaze.

"Of course not," said Professor Dumbledore. "An evening filled with cleaning or writing lines should be sufficient for providing today's excellent entertainment."

"Our pleasure, Professor!" called out Sirius.

"Number thirteen!" squeaked Peter in an undertone.

I shot Peter a bewildered glance, before turning my attention back to the staff table. Dumbledore waved his wand once, and all the rabbits turned back into chocolate Easter eggs. A second flick and all the eggs flew back to their original owners. I noticed Snape glowering as Goyle received possession of his egg. Rosier looked absolutely ridiculous as he was still standing on top of the Slytherin table when his egg rushed back into his hands. Snape looked up at the staff table, calculatingly. I started to glare at him, he better not open his mouth and say what I think he would say.

"Professor?" called Snape. "Don't you think that punishment is a bit light, considering the emotional trauma we just went through?"

"Emotional trauma, Severus?" questioned Professor Dumbledore lightly as I glowered at Snape. "After all, it was just a prank. Everyone received back what was theirs to start with. The Marauders may see Professor McGonagall or Mr. Filch to set up a time and place for their detention. And let the feast go on!"

At Dumbledore's last words, the plates refilled themselves with even more food, and Snape slumped in his seat as he glowered at us. As the chatter started to fill the room once more, I noticed the cat, Lils, had backed away from me. She was staring at something at the end of the table as she backed into James's arm. Automatically it seemed, James scooped up Lils and glanced toward the end of the table to see what she was looking at. He froze.

I chanced a glance in that direction, and was met by the leering figure of Filch, his cat wrapped around his shoulders. I froze too. Sirius and Peter both looked to see what we had turned into statues for, and Peter started shaking when he saw. From what I could see, Sirius's expression turned defiant and insolent.

"And you want?" said Sirius.

"You four will serve your detentions . . . cleaning the trophy room," declared Filch nastily.

Sirius's eyes widened in horror, and then he seemed to get his composure back. "I think I'll take McGonagall's detention over yours."

"Then it will be two hundred and fifty lines, in my office, Mr. Black," came Professor McGonagall's voice. She had somehow swept down the aisle and was standing directly behind Prongs, who jumped at the sound of her voice.

Ha, he wouldn't be leaving dinner without me taking the mickey from him for _that_ reaction.

"What's the day and time?" asked Sirius, a haughty bored tone to his voice.

"Let's try Tuesday evening, seven o'clock sharp," replied McGonagall sternly.

Peter, James, and I exchanged a look and then said together, "I'll take that one too."

McGonagall nodded curtly, and then turned to address the kitten that was still cowering from Filch inside James's arms. "Hello, sweetie. I do hope you enjoy your stay at the castle. Feel free to fish in the lake, chase small forest animals out on the grounds, and any mice you may discover inside the castle are yours for the taking."

The four of us stared at her until she noticed. "I _am_ the designated welcoming committee for all Hogwarts cats," she declared, amusement layering her strict tone.

Her thin lips twitched for a moment as she glanced at Filch. No, _beyond_ Filch. "Isn't that right, Peeves?" she asked mildly. Filch's eyes widened as Peeves blew a raspberry in his ear, and he spun around, a clawed hand reaching for the poltergeist he would never catch.

As we laughed, Professor McGonagall glided back to the staff table, and I looked at my three best friends. "I told you, Mr. Prongs," I had to say. "'D' stands for Detention."

After sparing a laugh for my little joke, we layered our hands on top of one another and all recited, "Mischief managed."

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.  
_

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.  
_

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

* * *

A/N: I did it again. Sorry this is so late. I was having a little trouble with this chapter just because so much happens. So, I am sorry about the wait. Extremely sorry. I won't promise anything because University is starting to get hectic again, but I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner.

My longest chapter yet! Aren't you glad I didn't make this into two chapters, and gave you the whole prank at once? Are you glad that I finally convinced Remus to step out of his shell and tell the prank for me? It did take a good two weeks of arguing, cajoling, and threatening before he gave in. Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Don't make me set a review limit for putting up the next chapter. Just review!

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

And it's time for the shameless plug. My new friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called Short Sorcerer Scenes. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile.

Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21: Lily Yarn

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Remus entertained us all with the Easter Prank:

_

* * *

Professor McGonagall's thin lips twitched for a moment as she glanced at Filch. No, beyond Filch. "Isn't that right, Peeves?" she asked mildly. Filch's eyes widened as Peeves blew a raspberry in his ear, and he spun around, a clawed hand reaching for the poltergeist he would never catch._

_As we laughed, Professor McGonagall glided back to the staff table, and I looked at my three best friends. "I told you, Mr. Prongs," I had to say. "'D' stands for Detention."_

_After sparing a laugh for my little joke, we layered our hands on top of one another and all recited, "Mischief managed."_

**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Lily**

Well, _that_ was one side of McGonagall that I hope to never experience again. That was just plain _odd_. I hadn't remembered that McGonagall was a cat Animagus. Although I probably should. I've had enough time. And that's about all I can say about that unsettling experience. Alright, so I _will_ admit it. The prank was . . . wonderfully executed. And brilliant. And hilariously funny.

Now that I've gotten that off of my chest, I can go back to wondering why I am being so obsessive about the little string hanging off of Remus's sweater. I seem to have noticed textures today for the very first time. Argh! I can't keep my eyes off of the stupid little thing. It's just dangling there at his side. I _want_ to _touch_ it.

I sighed. I was whining inside my own head. And it was annoying me. And yet, I kept on doing it.

Honestly, I suppose it was just something to concentrate on, to make myself ignore the strong arms wrapped around me carrying me up to the Common Room. James and Sirius were taking turns telling various jokes, and long stories, seeing which of them could make Peter laugh the hardest.

Remus was walking slightly in front of the other three, leading the way, with that annoying string dangling directly in front of me. We had just passed through a short-cut, when Remus abruptly stopped, causing the other three boys to halt also.

"Did you know?" started Remus. I dimly recalled that James and Sirius had been on a 'did you know' track for the last few minutes.

"What?" said the other boys eagerly.

"An evil laugh is contagious," he announced.

"Really?" said Peter, astonished.

Remus nodded importantly. "It's why you'll never hear of You-Know-Who laughing an evil maniacal laugh around his followers. It's much too irritating when all the Death Eaters try to copy it."

Everyone burst out laughing at this thought. Then, typically, Black and Potter decided to outdo each other's evil laugh. I rolled my eyes. Boys.

This train of jokes and laughter followed us to the seventh floor, through the Fat Lady, and into the crowded Common Room.

Once inside, the four boys seemed to separate and then come back together. Peter went up to the dorms and came back with a piece of wood and his wand. He curled up in a corner to work with the Transfiguration homework he was assigned during our last class. Remus walked over to where he must have left one of his books earlier, for he picked up a book and sat down in an armchair close by Peter. Jam—Potter, who had allowed me to escape from his grasp after we climbed through the portrait hole, was chatting with Beth about Quidditch strategies as they maneuvered over to the corner. Sirius, who had been silently drifting alongside Potter, suddenly noticed Peter, and decided to walk ahead to lean over Peter's shoulder and watch him fidget.

As Peter practiced his spell, Sirius started to correct his technique. "No, not like that, Wormy. You've got to twist it just slightly, from the elbow."

"I know what I did wrong, Padfoot," started Peter defensively. "You don't need to point it out."

"If you know what you're doing wrong, how come you aren't fixing it?" asked Sirius, calculatingly.

"Because I have all the blank holiday to get it right, and I like to procrastinate," insisted Pettigrew hotly.

I blatantly stared. Had he actually said the word 'blank'? Who does _that_? Well, apparently Peter, but still.

Sirius laughed loudly, then turned away, still smirking. "Oh, and you should work on your pronunciation too," he added over his shoulder.

Peter glared at him, and then . . . there isn't any other word for it . . . he _squeaked_ angrily.

"Nice diction, Wormtail," was Sirius's parting shot.

Peter harrumphed loudly, and pointedly turned back to the block of wood.

Sensing the end of the conversation there, I turned, wondering why Potter hadn't caught up yet.

Ah, Beth had been stopped by Emmeline and Ruby, and Ruby was engaging Beth in a convoluted conversation. And Potter obviously still wanted to talk to Beth about something, for he was tapping his foot impatiently.

I heard Ruby chattering as I drifted closer. "And then, did you see? Right when all the girls were screaming about the Dog-bomb, or whatever you call it—"

"Dungbomb," muttered Potter irritably.

"Yes, that. But, Beth, you had to have seen. Oh it was wonderful!" Ruby sighed dramatically.

"What was I supposed to have seen?" asked Beth in confusion.

"Oh, Bethie! He, he, he _looked_ at me!" Ruby pretended to swoon, snapping her head back up at Beth's next question.

"Who?"

"Who? Who?" repeated Ruby in disbelief. "Haven't you been listening to me? I've been going on about him for weeks and weeks!"

"Actually, just since yesterday," corrected Emmeline with an indulgent smile.

"Oh, but yesterday was _wonderful_, Emmy! He, oh Beth, he, he _bumped_ me." Ruby gave a little sigh, then said proudly, "Bumped into me in the corridor on purpose. Dear boy! Of course everyone knows that he likes me already. He just doesn't have the courage yet to ask me to Hogsmeade."

Beth rolled her eyes. "You still haven't given me a name to work with, Ruby."

Ruby seemed astounded. "I haven't? What is wrong with me? Oh, I'm such a bad friend. No wonder Lily walked away from me on her last night at Hogwarts."

I felt the aggravation boil up inside me, and tried to calm myself down by reminding myself that I was currently a cat, and in no position to comfort _or_ scream at Ruby, no matter how I felt about it. Besides Emmeline and Beth were there to correct her.

I came closer and found myself annoyingly close to Potter. When he saw me there, his face lit up and he turned and crouched next to me, automatically stroking my fur.

He murmured to me as both Emmy and Beth worked on calming Ruby's histrionics. "Here you are, Lils. Are you enjoying yourself? I'm not. Well, I wasn't, anyway. Not since Dunstan here got pulled into the Jones web of boys. I need to talk with her. How can anyone expect a Seeker to catch a Snitch if their conversation is getting interrupted exactly when her captain is supposed to be informing her of when practices are for after the holidays?"

Jam—Potter continued to mutter, more to himself than to me anyway, but I was distracted by a strange clicking noise coming from where Emmeline was sitting. What _was_ that? I pulled away from Potter to investigate.

I crouched down, slinking forward slowly, ready to pounce.

Is the entire world set up specifically for my destruction? Was there any curiosities that I could just leave alone? It was just like the prank. I had set out this morning to stay the whole day outside but when the time approached for the Easter feast, not even two field mice and a robin could hold my attention. And stop jumping to that conclusion, I was just observing the other animals from behind a hedge. Even so, I couldn't resist going back to the Great Hall to find out how the prank turned out. I was too curious.

My eyes were still fixed upon the object that had drawn my inquisitive attention. Yarn. A huge basket full of yarn. Yarn that was slowly moving. Turning away from me. I followed the lengthy string with my eyes, finally resting on the knitting needles in Emmeline's hands. I felt the desire tear through my small body, making me shiver in anticipation. I _wanted_ that _string_. I wanted that whole basket of yarn to overturn, the delightful colors spilling everywhere.

I stole closer to the basket of yarn. I would reach out my paw and hit it, and then the yarn would run away, and I would chase it. I probably had a feverish light to my eyes as I visualized this happening.

This was going to be so much fun!

I skulked around an armchair that was in the way of my direct route to the yarn and paused, the yarn out of my sight for a moment. What was I thinking?

Just because I am currently a cat doesn't mean I have to chase the yarn. I _could_ fight my nature, you know. I _had_ been able to resist the urge to chase around the rabbits earlier. Perhaps I could do the same now. My tail lashed indecisively as I once more focused in on the conversation. I needed a distraction, and quickly.

"And then, just as—_Emmy_," whined Ruby. "Do you _have_ to make that bothersome noise? Can't you think of anything else to do with your hands?"

"No," said Emmeline simply. "Besides, I need to finish this before my sister's birthday."

"What are you making?" asked Potter. Somehow I could detect both hesitancy and curiosity in his question.

"It's a scarf. For next winter," replied Emmeline.

Potter sighed. I glanced back at him and saw to my puzzlement an expression of relief. What in the world? Oh well. It doesn't matter. It's just Potter.

I grinned, feeling pleased with myself. I had just called him Potter three—no, _four_ times now without slipping up. I was one step closer to turning back into the same Lily I was four days ago. Now if only I could distract myself so fully from the yarn.

No matter what I tried, it filled my mind with a startlingly obsessive nature. Yarn. All that lovely yarn. Just waiting to spill over the Common Room, and then to be chased down by me.

"PRONGS!" The shout sounded from the stairs. Sirius. Of course. Thank you Sirius.

I really should go back to calling him Black. But then again he is the one that will help me out of this scrape Pettigrew somehow managed to get me into. That reminds me, I need to think up a proper torment to exact my revenge from little Peter.

Potter turned and shouted back, "WHAT?"

"C'MERE!"

"NO!" Potter grinned.

"Oh, for the love of Merlin," muttered a nearby fourth year, plugging her ears.

"_PRONGS_!" Sirius sounded aggravated.

After a short pause, "PADFOOT!" Potter was still grinning idiotically.

"WHAT?"

"C'MERE!"

Well _this_ conversation wasn't going anywhere soon. The two had a reputation for conducting entire conversations this way, just for the attention and noise it brought into the lives of the Marauders. Luckily for me, I hadn't been subjected to one of these chats recently. I guess I couldn't say _that_ anymore.

"WHY?"

"SO WE CAN STOP SHOUTING ACROSS THE COMMON ROOM!"

Wow. I never thought I'd hear James Potter stop anything that drew attention and popularity. Especially something as innocent as this. The apocalypse has already begun.

I heard the tromping of feet coming down the stairs of the boys dormitories, and watched as a pouting Sirius approached Potter and crossed his arms when he got close enough to carry on a decent conversation.

"Now, what was that all about?" asked Jam—Potter in a polite tone.

Rats. I slipped up. I shook my head and focused. This conversation had better be a good distraction.

"Where do you keep your quill, Prongs?"

"My quill?" repeated Potter, astonished.

"Yes, your quill, Prongs. Where?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"My _quill_?" repeated Jam—Potter again.

"Yes, you know. The big red feathery one? The one you use to write all your love—" Sirius said impatiently.

"Alright already!" interrupted James. "Let me think. It isn't every day that Mr. Padfoot asks a quill of Mr. Prongs."

"Yes, well, Mr. Padfoot would like to write a shopping list," smirked Sirius.

"With Mr. Prongs's special quill?" questioned Potter. "Try harder, Mr. Padfoot."

"Fine." Sirius lowered his voice and I crept nearer to hear. "Mr. Padfoot is trying to figure out a new aid. Like the—erm—History of Magic essay."

"What would this one be about?" Potter's eyes had lit up in excitement.

"Hogsmeade, of course," said Sirius arrogantly.

"Of course," smirked Potter.

"Thanks, Prongs." Sirius strode off, and was at the stairs before he turned around. "Where did you say that quill was?"

Pot—Prongs raised one eyebrow. "Mr. Prongs didn't say."

Hold up. Hang on.

What in the world did I call him?

Prongs?

Okay, sorry, but that is so entirely much worse than James. At least James is his first name and I can sort of get away with calling him that, as long as I remember to tack on his surname, but Prongs? His nickname? What am I _doing_ to myself?

I turned away from Sirius's conversation with Potter in disgust, only to have my eyes land on the tempting basket of yarn.

_This_ time I lost all hold on my tenuous threads of control and dashed across the room to the basket. I needed something to release my frustrations. The yarn was there calling me to hit it around the Common Room. It all worked out.

I yowled happily as I sent a paw to swipe at the glittering golden yarn that was a ball towards the top. Emmeline looked at me with horror in her face, which made me feel quite guilty for a moment, but then the ball of yarn took away my attention once again. I chased after it, not being able to stop myself, nor finding the ability to even _want_ to stop myself.

I darted and weaved, chasing that elusive ball of gold just like a Seeker would search out a sighted Snitch in Quidditch. Ignoring the cries of the people around me, I made myself leap, twist and turn with increasing accuracy, following the trail of gold singlemindedly until the ball rolled right into an outstretched hand. I crashed into the owner's legs before straightening and evaluating my situation.

My eyes followed the hand up the all-too-familiar arm, to his shoulder, neck, and finally his face, confirming my worst fear. James Potter's twinkling brownish eyes could give Dumbledore's piercing stare a run for its money. He tossed the depleted yarn ball once into the air, catching it absentmindedly, and then beginning to wrap the yarn string once again around the ball.

"So sorry about that, Emmeline. Lils is still just a kitten and Evans probably hasn't taught her any better yet," James apologized as he walked around, tucking away more of the yarn strand with every step. I felt vaguely shocked and offended by his apology.

My eyes were drawn to the sparkling strand of gold that constantly caught the light as James rolled it into the ball. My paw outstretched, I tried to reach the dangling yarn. A little bit lower. . . just a bit more. . . almost gotcha. . . I glared up at Potter. You _must_ be joking.

"No, no, Lils," scolded James gently. "That's not a good idea. You have to ask permission before you play with someone's yarn."

I snorted in surprise. _Potter_ scolding _me_ on asking _permission_ before I play with all that tempting yarn? Potter should learn to take his own advice. Potter, the hypocritical arrogant toe-rag. I'm so glad that that is the only side that Lily was ever exposed to. She might find herself in danger of developing feelings for a kind, considerate, humorous boy named James, but never for Potter. And that would most certainly not be happening any time soon, if I know anything about myself.

And yes, I just talked about myself in the third person. It makes slightly more sense that way. If the Marauders can talk in third person, so can I.

Marauders, _right_. I was in the midst of my very first lecture from Potter on _responsibility_ of all things, and I was busy thinking about how I was referring to myself. He must not be a very good disciplinarian. Or maybe I'm so much off my rocker that I can't focus on anything ever again. I wish this didn't happen in my O.W.L. year. Who knows what could lie in store for me if I could regain my sanity again. I could have a brilliant career, you know. Invent a cure for lycanthropy or something.

Ooh, pretty colours. I swear that gold thread has some kind of sparkling metal woven into it to make it as gleaming as it was.

Maybe I could make a dash at the other balls of yarn without anyone noticing or blocking me. I looked around. Or maybe _not_. I ducked my head in embarrassment. Loads of people were glaring at me. Loads whom I had previously considered the nicest of friends. Lovely. Just lovely. I noticed for the first time the unnatural almost-silence that had fallen over the Common Room as everyone had halted their conversations under the rampage of the twisted golden yarn.

I'd made enemies because I couldn't control the kitten inside of me that absolutely needed to bat around a ball of yarn. Nice. I just _love_ to make enemies, I huffed as I trailed after James. Like I needed any more of that. What with Muggles like my sister that hated that I was a witch and purebloods like Avery and Mulciber despising me for being Muggleborn, I felt sympathy for those like myself trapped between two worlds, despised by both, accepted by neither.

I made another try to get at the yarn that James was still wrapping together, pawing the air as high as I could reach.

"Adorable, Lils. Just adorable," said Sirius sarcastically from where he stood.

Jam—Potter and I both turned to examine him, and Potter said, amusement lacing his tone, "How in the world did she wrap it round you _five_ times?"

"Well after the first time, there wasn't much I could honestly do," replied Sirius scathingly. "My _feet_ were _tied_."

"Are you sure it was _only_ your feet, Padfoot?" asked Peter insolently from the table.

"I'm sure _you_ were a bit tongue tied as well, Wormtail. I didn't hear _you_ piping up," retorted Sirius.

"Tongue tied," repeated Remus, blinking. "I wonder. . . ." He trailed off as he stared into the flames of the Common Room fire with a thoughtful look upon his face.

"Blimey, but she's fast," commented Ruby, who had only had her feet tied to the chair she sat on. "As fast as, as, as _him_," she sighed, painting a dreamy expression on her face.

"Is he a Quidditch player?" asked Beth, as chatter broke out again in the Common Room. "Is _that_ why you think I should know him?"

I moaned. If I was human, my face would be clashing with my hair. Never before had I incited such animosity that caused the Gryffindor Common Room to go nearly silent when all four Marauders were still inhabiting it. The rush of noise as everyone resumed their conversation made the silence seem even more stifling. It took Jam—Potter a full seven minutes, just wrapping the string round and round before he had found where the end had snagged. I whimpered. I just _had_ to go and get it caught under Emmeline's basket, didn't I?

"Sorry again, Emmeline. I'll try to keep better tabs on her next time," apologized James.

I couldn't believe my ears. Not only had James Potter apologized, but twice over the same incident? I shook my head and stared at him in disbelief. Sure, the first time he had made it seem like it was my fault for not training my cat on how in the world to avoid getting tempted by balls of yarn, but a second apology? That took all the blame onto his own shoulders? When he was honestly distracted by his conversation with Sirius?

No ruddy way. I must have misheard him. Or maybe he's trying to suck up to Emmeline. But _why_? She would have forgiven him with the first apology. All of us knew that, including James.

"Oh, don't worry about it Potter," said Emmy dismissively. "All kittens chase balls of yarn."

Yeah! So there! I stuck my tongue out at him, then noticed that my paws could use a little cleaning. I immediately started licking them down, cleaning the fur with my rough tongue, taking advantage of the fact that it was sticking out of my mouth.

"I've got a cat myself," continued Emmeline. "Do you want to take one of the extra yarn rolls to let her play with it in the dormitories?"

I snapped my head up at the suggestion. Please say yes. _Please say yes_. PLEASE say YES!

Prongs, darn it all, you had better ruddy say _yes_ already!

Merlin's beard. I called him by his nickname again. I definitely need to distance myself from these contagious Marauders.

Pro—Jam—Potter. . . Ah, what the newt! _James_ nodded slowly and said, "If you don't mind, Emmeline, I'd like to take you up on that offer."

Flowery language? Why in the world is he using roundabout language to get what he wants? He's always been very straightforward. At least to me.

'Go out with me, Evans.' 'Go on, go out with me.' Like it was a dare. Like I didn't know he only said that kind of stuff to get under Severus's skin.

Okay, now that I think about it, it _was_ a roundabout way of getting what he wanted.

"Here you go," Emmeline's voice intruded on my thoughts, and my attention snapped to the ball of red yarn that was spinning through the air.

Red. A beautiful scarlet colour. Pretty. I watched as James, annoyingly without any effort, caught the ball. I pouted slightly at the display of his easy coordination.

"C'mon Lils," he murmured to me, noticing my stare. "Let's go play with the yarn ball."

I felt my feet start to move on their own. No. No, feet. You can_not_ simply follow Potter anywhere and everywhere. Remember who you are! Aw, c'mon, at least go slower. Reluctantly, that's the word. It's such a pretty, shiny, shimmering red, though. I get to play with Gryffindor coloured balls of yarn. Surely that somehow mattered.

This is definitely a woe of being a cat. My second woe. My weakness in the area of all things yarn and stringy. I just couldn't ignore it.

I wonder why that is.

No, no distractions. Not _now_. C'mon. I'm not supposed to be distracting myself from what my body is doing of its own volition. Maybe if the yarn was green or blue, I'd be able to resist it.

Stupid irresistible compelling Gryffindor coloured yarn. Hang on a second. Remus's sweater is brown. Argh! I'm a pushover for red and gold and brown. When will this torture of being a cat end? I've got to convince Sirius to turn me back early. Before I fall any further into the instincts of a cat.

Yarn! Come back here!

Ugh. I felt disgusted with myself. I am a prefect. A perfect prefect. Not one that can be swayed by an ounce of yarn, for I have more than an ounce of sense.

Ooh, pretty. . . .

Alright. Fine. Compromise.

One hour spent gleefully chasing that red yarn down and then naptime. That sounds good. There was a thin red strand hanging off of the yarn ball that I fixed my eyes upon. I can stick to that, I decided as I crouched, my tail lashing the air behind me. And then I pounced.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

* * *

IMPORTANT EDIT: I have gone back and changed the character previously referred to as Mary Macdonald to the character name of Ruby Jones. I'm going to try to make this fit as real as possible and I don't want to set up a situation that wouldn't happen. Also, I got really tired of an out-of-character Mary.

* * *

A/N: Well, I had to get this chapter up for my one-year anniversary with fanfiction(dot)net. I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner.

Wow. This chapter is very nearly as long as the previous one. And, just so that you know, I have edited and added some Chapter titles in the pull-down chapter search thingie. Just to help keep track of what's going on in that chapter. Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Just review! I need the feedback, and it makes my day, and allows me to make your day when I reply.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint. It's a tiny insight to what I'm planning in the next chapter.

My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called Short Sorcerer Scenes. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. You'll find scenes with the Marauders, Harry, Luna, Snape, Moody, McGonagall, Draco, Hermione, Ron, Uncle Vernon, Hagrid, Fred and George, and Flitwick, among others. Feel free to suggest other scenes, too.

Thank you for reading!


	22. Chapter 22: Sirius Chess and Quidditch

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Lily was having problems with yarn:

_

* * *

_

_Yarn! Come back here! __Ugh. I felt disgusted with myself. I am a prefect. A perfect prefect. Not one that can be swayed by an ounce of yarn, for I have more than an ounce of sense. __Ooh, pretty. . . . __Alright. Fine. Compromise._

_One hour spent gleefully chasing that red yarn down and then naptime. That sounds good. There was a thin red strand hanging off of the yarn ball that I fixed my eyes upon. I can stick to that, I decided as I crouched, my tail lashing the air behind me. And then I pounced._

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: Sirius**

Merlin. What an excellent prank. It relaxed me, and taunting Peter about his homework lessened my drive to cause physical harm to come to him. When it was time for supper, I stuffed a couple pieces of parchment under my four-poster bed, and noted that as another place to put down on my list.

Supper was fun as we got compliments all around from those admirers of ours, while all the Slytherins pointedly glared at us. That was even more entertaining.

When we got back to the Common Room, to pass the rest of the evening, Prongs and I decided to play Wizard's Chess. Moony and Wormtail had to make a trip to the library to bring back a couple books, and they hadn't come back yet.

"Knight to E-five. That powder sure made a difference on all the Slytherins. Brilliant idea, Prongs."

"Pawn to F-four. I wonder if Moony or Wormtail noticed."

I snorted as I contemplated the board. "Wormtail didn't."

He nodded. "Probably not. But it made _their_ reactions almost as hilarious as the Slytherins."

"Knight to G-six." I decided, then sighed. "I can't quite believe you didn't put any hexes on the 'invitations' along with the powder. You had the opportunity, and didn't take it," I bemoaned. Prongs had managed to put a powder on the fake invitations that had made the entire Slytherin House act rather oddly. If only he had utilized his creativity I could have something else to entertain myself with instead of chess.

"Rook to H-six. Who said I never put anything else on?" he muttered, smiling to himself.

I sat up straight and looked at him for a full minute.

"It's your move—What?" he asked, finally looking up and noticing my stare.

"Ruddy salamanders can move. Mr. Padfoot is still waiting for details." This was brilliant. If it wasn't just as annoying. Dragging details out of Prongs was almost as difficult as getting a straight story out of Wormtail. _Well_, I started to reconsider that statement, then changed my mind. Yeah, Wormtail _is_ more difficult.

"Oh, right." James looked back down at the chess board. "Well, Mr. Prongs had happened upon this wicked jinx. Makes you itch. Mr. Prongs added a location spell, and a timed delay on certain ones of the Slytherins' invitations."

"Get a move on! I'm tired of standing around here waiting!" My castle shouted out from the board.

"Oh shut it," I muttered to the annoying chess piece, then addressed Prongs. "Who?"

"Snivellus, Mulciber, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, Rosier, and Wilkes."

I nodded, pleased. "And when?"

"Come on! Over here! Your knight is about to get creamed, let me defend him!" The castle was shouting again.

"Shut it!" I ordered.

"Tetchy, tetchy," muttered the piece turning back to face the front.

I glared at the board for a moment then decided, "Bishop to H-six."

James bit his lip. "Bludgers and Snitches! I forgot about that bishop."

I grinned down at him. "Just your luck."

He rolled his eyes and started in on the luck argument again. "My luck is what gets me unnecessary detentions. I always seem to get caught. It has nothing to do with winning or losing a chess game."

"Whatever," I dismissed, as Moony and Wormtail came into the room each with a pile of books.

Prongs sent me a half-smile. "By the way, Queen to B-five. Check."

No way! I stared at the board in disbelief. I had been winning, I was sure of that, but one move from Prongs and I was in danger of losing the silly game. I pursed my lips. "Not today," I muttered. "King to D-one."

"Pawn to F-five," James said serenely.

"Castle to A-one," I said through gritted teeth. Maybe after I took out his castle in the corner— My train of thought was rudely derailed.

This last move had roused a protest from the noisy castle on the other side of the board. "Not him! He doesn't know a thing about defense or fighting an enemy. You can't use him!"

"I thought I told you to shut it!" I snapped.

"I won't stand down! I will make my last stand and defend myself well! Unlike you!" declared the aggravating castle.

The other castle retorted, "I do too know what to do when I have to fight. I've lasted this long."

I groaned. "Just move. I'll deal with the consequences later."

"Problems with your chess set?" asked Prongs innocently, too innocently.

I glared suspiciously at him. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he raised his eyebrows at me as if suggesting that the idea was preposterous.

"He—he did talk to us, a little," offered a wounded Bishop on the side of the board.

James stared at him, dismayed by the one-sided loyalty of the one legged chess piece. "That was supposed to be our little secret," he hissed.

"I'm sworn to tell the truth to Master Black," declared my Bishop. "Otherwise he'll curse my other leg off," he added in an undertone that I hoped Prongs hadn't heard.

"So there," I said, sticking my tongue out childishly.

"So immature, is more like it," muttered Remus.

"Are you still reading that history thing of Shakes-peer?" asked Peter, stumbling over the name. "You're supposed to be helping me find the answer."

Moony just rolled his eyes.

I took it upon myself to correct little Wormy. "It's _Shakespeare_; even I know that."

Moony snorted. "Only because I took the time to correct you. You used to pronounce it Shack-es-pare-ay."

Prongs started to laugh. "You didn't, Padfoot."

My eyes had widened at Remus's lack of tact. He had formally agreed never to mention that again.

Moony grinned up at me. "Couldn't let your head get _too_ big, Padfoot. And Prongs, you were even worse."

"Worse?" I asked, surprised.

Prongs froze, then ducked his head and ruffled his hair awkwardly.

"Shay-keys-pee-are," he admitted.

I stared at him. "I know my excuse for pronouncing it wrong is never listening to my hag of a mother. What's your excuse?" Mrs. Potter was much too nice to be ignored like that.

"Mum thought the mispronunciation was _cute_. She knew that I'd never really need to say it right, not for Hogwarts, anyway."

My eyes were drawn to the corner of the room where Evans, as a cat, stretched in her basket, waking up from her nap. If she woke up, I had a few one-liners that I'd like to use. They would really mess with Wormtail, as he was aware of the double identity like I was.

"Stop ignoring the game and finish it already!" shouted my castle.

I grimaced at Prongs. "Please take out my castle."

"How dare you suggest such a thing! Have you no sense at all?" objected the castle.

Prongs smiled. "I was going to, but you eliminated my bishop white already."

"How come your pieces haven't been piping up?" I suddenly wondered.

James shifted uncomfortably. "Er, it has to do with, er, a silencing charm that I, erm, put on all my players."

"You did what?" Silencing charms didn't work on normal chess sets. I would have silenced my pieces years ago if that worked. "How?"

"Er, well, you know."

"No, actually I don't. I wasn't aware of any silencing charms that actually worked on chess pieces."

Moony looked up curiously. "Yes, Prongs. Do tell."

"Well, I sort of got that spell by bouncing ideas off of—" he started.

I twitched, knowing the name he was about to say. James snorted with suppressed laughter, then went on. "Anyway, it doesn't really matter. The spell is just the Latin conjugation of 'mute the chess.' Her idea."

I twitched again. I honestly couldn't help myself. Prongs laughed again, and was thankfully distracted by Lils lounging out of her basket and sleepily trotting over to Prongs.

"Aw, Lils, you're so cute when you just wake up like that."

Evans stared at him, then put her head on her paws and allowed him to stroke her fur as she lazily closed her eyes again.

"Your move, Prongs," I reminded him.

"Oh, er, pawn to B-three."

"Then, knight to F-four." I nodded. Prongs wasn't so good of a chess player when he was distracted. I might be able to win for once.

"Your fur is so soft, Lils. Soft and pretty," James crooned to the cat.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Petting her is just like running your hands through a girl's hair, isn't it?"

I heard a book snap shut. "Padfoot!" whined Wormtail. The Chaser had entered the scoring zone.

James ignored Wormtail and answered me. "Yeah, I reckon," he shrugged. "Not that I've really volunteered to do that."

"Well, the cat _is_ a girl, so _technically_..." I trailed off suggestively.

"PADFOOT!" Wormtail shouted in outrage. I turned to him and saw that he had stood up, chest heaving, and glaring at me.

And the Quaffle sailed right through the center hoop, but I still wanted to go for the Snitch catch.

Moony looked taken aback, and James, well, James was still petting Lils and ignoring Wormtail.

"What's wrong, Wormy? That's not even that bad. Padfoot is usually a lot worse," Remus stated, and I had to suppress a grin.

Wormtail pouted as he sat back down on his bed. "But still. You're not supposed to say things like that," he muttered.

And here's the dive. "What? You feeling a bit left out Wormy? Feeling a bit jealous of the cat?"

Prongs finally looked up. "Ew. No innuendos about mates, please, Padfoot." He scrunched his face and shuddered. "Bad mental images. Bishop to D-three."

"Knight to D-three. What sort of images did you come up with, Prongs?" I asked curiously as my knight rode down his other bishop.

Three groans greeted my question. Evans must have gone back to sleep, because I got no reaction from her. Oh well. The catch was still spectacular. And that means that I could say a line that I didn't dare say while Evans was awake. But first, the chess.

"Knight to G-four," Prongs muttered.

"Castle to A-two," I ordered.

"Hah, like that'll work," muttered my knight.

Now, his move. "Pawn to B-four." Ah, so he didn't see that I was blocking him off.

"Queen to E-four." James was really good at chess. Surely by now he has spotted my strategy. I've only used it against him four different times. And he had a record of having blocked it four times.

"Wow, I'm shocked," remarked my queen sarcastically as she glided forward. "You're actually using me. Usually I'm just standing around, waiting for you to lose." I rolled my eyes. There was a reason I preferred to use my knights more than my queen, but I don't think I'll get into that now.

"Knight to F-two." Nope. He still didn't realize. He thought my queen was threatening his knight. Wow. I will actually win. I grinned.

"Queen to F-three. Check and checkmate," I said triumphantly. "Here Wormtail. Kiss Lils in celebration of my victory. Go on, kiss and make up."

"WHAT!" exclaimed James and Peter together in horror, for completely different reasons. Prongs was staring disbelievingly at the chess board, and Wormtail was looking panicked, switching his gaze between me and the still unmoved cat. She _must_ be asleep.

"See. It could get a _lot_ worse, Wormtail," warned Moony.

I laughed, practicing my evil laugh to get better than Prongs. The other Marauders joined me in my laughter, after Prongs and Wormtail had gotten over their shock.

When we confined our laughing a little, I started to tally up my points for the night. With the ten-pointer, the snitch catch, plus the chess win that had to count for two hundred points, and the overtime fifty-pointer... "Wow. If I had that many Galleons, I could buy that flying booster for the motorbike I want to get," I mused aloud.

I got hit by two pillows and a blanket for bringing that subject up again. And we all started to laugh again.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

* * *

IMPORTANT EDIT: I have gone back and changed the character previously referred to as Mary Macdonald to the character name of Ruby Jones. I'm going to try to make this fit as real as possible and I don't want to set up a situation that wouldn't happen. Also, I got really tired of an out-of-character Mary.

* * *

A/N: This chapter I dedicate to Umi Pryde. She was an inspiration for one of the main conversations. I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I am still alive and I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner.

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Just review! I need the feedback, and it makes my day, and allows me to make your day when I reply.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint. It's a tiny insight to what I'm planning in the next chapter.

My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called Short Sorcerer Scenes. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. You'll find scenes with the Marauders, Harry, Luna, Snape, Moody, McGonagall, Draco, Hermione, Ron, Uncle Vernon, Hagrid, Fred and George, and Flitwick, among others. Feel free to suggest other scenes, too.

Thank you for reading!


	23. Chapter 23: Lily Socks

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Sirius was having fun musing and laughing after a game of Wizard's Chess:

_

* * *

_

_When we confined our laughing a little, I started to tally up my points for the night. With the ten-pointer, the snitch catch, plus the chess win that had to count for two hundred points, and the overtime fifty-pointer... "Wow. If I had that many Galleons, I could buy that flying booster for the motorbike I want to get," I mused aloud._

_I got hit by two pillows and a blanket for bringing that subject up again. And we all started to laugh again._

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: Lily**

I was woken up by a trouser leg falling on my face. I shook it off, and lazily stretched before climbing to all four paws. I smiled as I took in the scene confronting my eyes.

Remus was standing, hands on his hips, by the end of his bed, calmly observing the tornado that was Sirius. Sirius was currently flinging around items of clothing, obviously looking for something. Peter was sitting on his bed, struggling to get his robes on straight. Yes, it was morning. And the boys were _trying_ to dress. Thank Merlin they were all modest right now.

Remus sighed, then spoke. "Padfoot, I'll ask you again. Where did you put my socks?"

Sirius half-turned to retort, before going back to his search. "And I'll ask you again. Why would I even _have_ your socks, Moony?"

Peter, having finally managed to get his robes on right, looked around him and squeaked in panic, "Padfoot, my socks are missing. I put them right here last night and now they're gone!"

Sirius snorted. "Honestly, Wormtail, do you really think I would care enough about your socks to hide them?"

James, coming out of the bathroom with wet hair, sticky robes, and bare feet, asked, "Hey, Padfoot, have you seen my socks anywhere?"

Sirius exploded. "Merlin's beard! Why does everyone assume I had something to do with their missing socks? It's not like it's shoes! I don't have a socks fetish!" Clothes continued to fly everywhere from Sirius's side of the room during his rant, and he finally threw his arms up in the air as he proclaimed, "I can't find MY socks! Why the newt would I know what happened to everybody else's?"

I grinned and stepped lightly over to James as his eyebrows shot up in reaction to Sirius's outburst. James absentmindedly picked me up and started stroking my fur. Sirius resumed his search with renewed vigor, pointedly ignoring the reactions of his friends.

James spoke after a minute. "We're wizards, aren't we?"

This question brought a halt to the frantic searching of Sirius, the disapproving stare of Remus, and the panicked expression on Peter's face. As one, the other three slowly turned to look at James with newly blank faces.

James automatically shifted me so that I was totally held by his left arm and dug his wand out of his robes with his right.

"Let's summon them! Accio socks!"

I meowed anxiously as soon as I heard James's spell. I knew my charms and I knew that James wasn't specific enough.

Sure enough, socks came flying through the boys' open window, slid underneath the door, and out of the pile of clothes that Sirius was tossing around. Four pairs of socks came out of my basket, but the boys were more interested in the socks that were coming off of Peter's top curtain.

"Wormtail?" asked Sirius in amazement. "What are socks doing on top of your curtains?"

"What? Oh. That's where I always keep my socks. They don't get holes nibbled in them if you keep them up high enough. Rats are usually wary of going out on a drapery that is high above the ground. Unless the socks smell like cheese, anyway."

"Thank you for that information, Wormtail," said Sirius, dripping sarcasm.

"Oh, you're welcome, Padfoot. Thank you for asking," replied Peter blithely.

Sirius coughed. And that particular subject was dropped rather quickly. Completely without Peter's knowledge, I'm sure.

"So what are we going to do with all these socks?" asked Remus.

James's eyes lit up. "Banish them, of course!" He raised his wand, which was immediately snatched away from him by Sirius.

"You, Prongs, are going with Wormtail, and Moony, and you are going to hand deliver each of these socks back to their owners. But first, our socks need to be delivered to us. And then we can work on your game plan."

"Padfoot," whined James.

"Prongs," said Sirius warningly.

"Moony—" James started to appeal to Remus.

"No."

"But—"

"No."

"Wormtail," James looked at Peter with big, pleading eyes. Yes, I noticed them. It's not that I was watching his face. No, not at all. It's just something I noticed.

Peter pursed his lips and paused for a minute. "Okay," he sighed.

"Yes!" whispered James, pumping an arm in victory.

"Worm-tail!" complained Sirius. "You're not supposed to give in. Prongs is the one that's supposed to do it."

"_I_'m not going to be the one to do it for you, Wormy," warned Remus.

"You're not?" asked Peter anxiously. "I really don't want to do magic right now, though. I'm not on top form."

"Then you shouldn't have agreed," pointed out Sirius.

Hang on a moment. What in the world were they talking about? They kept being so vague that I wasn't following the conversation. Were they still on about the socks? I looked at the piles of socks still streaming in from around the castle, and I suddenly saw a pair of socks that must have snuck under the door. They were mine. No, not the four that I had nicked during the night, but the ones that belonged to me, Lily Evans. When I was Lily Evans, anyway.

I leaped out of James's arms, dashed over on top of the piles of socks, grabbed a hold of my socks with my teeth and started to drag them over to a corner, only to spot some that were Alice's. And then I saw a different pair with fancy embroidered designs on them. I also thought I recognized a pair of socks that belonged to Sev. I _told_ him to give that pair over to the laundry, two weeks ago. I looked around in dismay. How long would it take to get all the socks from the castle to fit into this tiny room? I would start to drown in socks before long. I'm not actually that big of a cat.

All five of us stared at the door as there was a knock. Remus opened the door to reveal Ruby standing at the door, holding her shoes in one hand, with socks rushing in the door around her. She was pushed slightly in by the volume of the socks, and started to speak.

"I would very much appreciate if you didn't take all the socks from all the people in the castle. Do you know that you can't stand up if your socks are coming off magically?"

"Er—" Remus looked anxiously at the others, but Ruby had begun to talk again.

"So, if you could just give me back my socks, I will be on my—" Ruby looked around, and was actually shocked speechless for a moment. But not long enough for any one of the boys to actually do something about controlling the conversation.

"WHAT in the world do you need with all these socks?" Ruby exclaimed. "I can't even see your beds. How are you going to be able to sleep tonight? Especially knowing that you took all the socks in Hogwarts and crammed them in your room." A sock passed just under her face and she wrinkled her nose. "I do not envy you the smell though. Eww. I feel a bit sick now." Ruby got out her wand, and cast the spell that separated her socks from the rest and sent all of her pairs out of the room. She snatched back the last pair of her socks from the air and put them on right there. The boys were still speechless for the most part, and once she had her socks on, she turned and said, "Good day," before leaving the room.

She also left the door open and the socks started to stream into the room in massive numbers. I jumped my way over to James, and leapt onto his shoulder. I really needed another good stretch, but it might take a while to get enough room to do that.

"FINITE INCANTATEM!" shouted a voice from the Common Room. As every single sock dropped to the ground, all four of us looked at James, feeling truly sorry for him.

Soon after, I could hear footsteps going up to the girls dormitory. And the same sharp footsteps came back down, and started going up the steps to the boys dormitory. James wore such a dejected expression, I dismissed my instinct to jump off of his shoulder, and wrapped my tail around the back of his neck instead.

"Mr. Lupin, as Prefect, would you kindly inform me as to the situation and reason why every student and professor in Hogwarts is now barefoot?" asked Professor McGonagall as she entered the open door.

"Even the Professors?" asked James in astonishment. Oh, he hadn't thought of that part yet, had he?

"Yes Mr. Potter. Am I to assume that you had a hand in this mess?"

"I don't have a wand," he said, and I could hear the smirk.

"Ah yes, Mr. Black does have possession of your wand," noted McGonagall.

"Yes, Professor, yes I do," agreed Sirius.

"Padfoot!" complained James in a mutter out of the side of his mouth.

"What? Oh." Sirius rolled his eyes. Peter looked curiously between the two. Again, I didn't really have a clue as to where their minds were. And I'm not sure I actually _want_ to know on this one.

"Well, it was really an accident, Professor." Remus tried to explain.

"And how is that, Mr. Lupin?"

"You're really lucky, Padfoot," muttered James.

Remus continued, "No one was actually trying to make a mess. A spell just misfired."

"Yeah. At least there's no more lost socks in Hogwarts," added Sirius. Now was that in reply to James's comment or to the conversation going on between McGonagall and Lupin?

Professor McGonagall turned her gaze back to Sirius. "To the contrary, Mr. Black, _all_ the socks in Hogwarts are lost now. Lost in this pile." She indicated the room with a wave of her hand. "So, to whom do I issue the detention?"

"Please, Padfoot?" James suddenly started begging Sirius. I stared at him in confusion. "C'mon, you'll catch up soon enough. I'll only be two ahead of you. And it will be really easy to just get two. It's just my luck."

Sirius sighed. "Fine, but you owe me. This detention should've been mine."

Oh, they're talking about the detention record again? Boys. I bet I could do one better.

Hmm, I looked around as McGonagall told James the time and place for the next detention and left the room with the order to give back the socks.

Peter started to manually clear a trunk off of socks before Sirius stopped him.

"Wormtail, we don't have to clean it right this instant, and besides, that's _my_ trunk, thank you very much. I'll clean it off myself."

Remus's shoulders started to shake. "Well, _that's_ never going to happen then," he said eventually.

Sirius objected to that comment, but my eyes were drawn to a little bottle of burnt amber ink that Peter had uncovered from the piles of socks. At least, I think that's what he proclaimed the color to be. It just looks orange to me. But with what I need it for, any color will work.

I know what I'm going to do today.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

* * *

A/N: Yes, Lily is finally done! (I'm celebrating right now.) And several various references came from Umi again, so this gets dedicated to her. And I did take that suggestion to heart, shetlandlace. I hope you liked it. I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I am still alive and I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner. I've already been working on future scenes, so hopefully I'll be able to get this rolling again.

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called _Short Sorcerer Scenes_. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. Also she has redone it, and organized it, and I would greatly advise reading her story _Poker and Prongs_'_s Plan_, especially if you like the Marauders. It migrated to its own story from _Short Sorcerer Scenes_.

Thank you for reading!


	24. 24: Peter and Sirius Gargoyle Disasters

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Lily decided what she would do after causing a fiasco with the socks:

_

* * *

_

__

Remus's shoulders started to shake. "Well, _that's_ never going to happen then," he said eventually.

Sirius objected to that comment, but my eyes were drawn to a little bottle of burnt amber ink that Peter had uncovered from the piles of socks. At least, I think that's what he proclaimed the color to be. It just looks orange to me. But with what I need it for, any color will work.

I know what I'm going to do today.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Peter and Sirius**

PPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Well we are finally done with gathering all the socks, and giving them back to their owners. Thank Merlin the house-elves hadn't started washing the laundry yet for the day. We were able to take most of the socks to the kitchens and get the house-elves to put them in the laundry. And then lunch was very helpful as we were able to pass back the majority of socks to the people in other houses then. Sirius and James met up with Remus and I on the third floor and we started up the staircase as Remus began telling James about what some of the students had been saying about a girl who somehow avoided the catastrophe caused by James's spell.

"... And then, she announced, as everyone is falling over and having their socks and shoes ripped off, 'Either someone was in desperate need of socks, or everyone in Hogwarts has suddenly developed the same podihygenics as Snape.'"

"Can we change the subject, please?" asked Sirius.

James just chuckled. Is something about that funny to him? Ah, he must be laughing at the cheek towards Snape. I think that was supposed to be a cheek anyway. Wait that reminds me, Snape... I can't let him corner me at all to talk about the cat. I've got to put that on my list. Good thing I also have some spare parchment in my pocket that I can jot that down on. I can add it to my list when I get back up to the dormitory.

I don't remember what number I'm on so I'll just write _Don't let Snape corner me._ There. That should be a good enough reminder so I can write the whole thing down later.

"Well, all the socks are given back, finally. Let's go back to the Common Room. We could all do the essay for Flitwick," suggested Remus.

Sirius checked his watch. "Nope. Not me. I'll find somewhere else to be." Somewhere else? Why?

"Where are you going to be?" I asked.

"Oh, Wormtail..." What was that supposed to mean? All he said was 'oh,' and then my nickname. I must be missing something. That doesn't even make sense.

"Hey, Prongs? May I borrow your mirror for a night?" asked Sirius.

James objected, of course. "What do you need with mine? You've already got one."

Yeah, Sirius, why in the world do you need two mirrors? You can't really talk to yourself on them, can you? But that would be interesting if it really could work. I've always wanted to Floo myself too, just to see what I look like when I Floo someone else. My neck isn't that long and so I might actually look like my head is further back in the flames. It would be a good thing to know. Especially for job interviews. I probably ought to take those in person, if that is how I look when I Floo.

Sirius cleared his throat and drew my attention. "Yes, but I'd like to use it to talk with a certain someone of my own choosing tonight."

Please tell me that he is not planning on chatting up a random girl with James's mirror. What would James say?

James tilted his head a little. "When you say 'certain someone' you don't mean the certain someone I'm thinking of, do you?"

Who in the world is James thinking of? As I looked at him, I tried to make a list in my head of people James might code name as a 'certain someone.' Let's just say that I didn't get very far. And certainly not as far as the other list with the cat. That one was proving much more effective than my lists usually are.

"What the newt? No! Absolutely not, Prongs! Do you think I actually _want_ to _talk_—ugh!" objected Sirius, quite loudly.

James chuckled, then asked with a smirk, "Then who?" I raised my eyebrows in agreement with James.

Sirius cleared his throat again. "I thought it might help Wormtail with the game plan."

Wormtail? Game plan? What is he on about? I never agreed to anything. Especially not something called a 'game plan.' I wrinkled my nose. Is this some sort of plot of Sirius's to try to weasel out the location of the map? I thought that was hidden well enough. Sirius hasn't found it yet, I'm sure. And that is probably gnawing at him. Hm, it would be quite a perturbing, disconcerting, and unsettling mystery if I didn't already know the answer to it. What is this 'game plan' really?

"Oh. Right. Good idea!" James had said, nodding and digging his mirror out of his pocket. James must not be on the same track as Sirius. But in any case, why would I need James's mirror? He held it out to me saying, "Wormy, be extra careful with this. It is an heirloom."

This has got to stop here. "Hang on... Game plan? What game plan?" I looked anxiously from Sirius to James.

James, please object again, I don't want to do this. At the very least, give me some information to work with.

"The one you volunteered for, Wormtail," grinned James.

Volunteered? But I never— James? _James_ thinks I volunteered? What—How would James—If it's Sirius's idea... Hang on, are they talking about this morning? I still didn't volunteer. James turned his version of Sirius's puppy dog eyes on me. There was no way that I could refuse.

I slowly took the mirror, quickly trying to think of a retort. "Not volunteered!" I burst out. "I was coerced into doing it!" Or well, pressured, but that's the same thing.

Remus sighed. What was his problem? "Please don't use big words when you can't use them properly."

The word? Which word? Coerced? It wasn't that big. And besides, I know how to use it. I used it just like— My mental protest burst into words. "But that's how I heard—" Did Sirius just twitch?

The movement distracted me. I could swear on it, his eye just twitched, and his shoulder moved just slightly enough to be an actual twitch. And did his chin jut out a little? I stared at him for a moment, not finishing my sentence. Hang on. I was saying something wasn't I? I had a point. What was it?

How long has Sirius had a twitch? No. Focus. Concentrate, Peter. James is chuckling again. What's so funny? The twitch? No. Focus on something other than Sirius. Something that has nothing to do with Sirius or the map or his odd twitches.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I groaned. I thought that question had made it out of my head for good.

All right, something different than wood. Food is spelled a letter different. I should think about food. And supper. When was supper? I tried to remember supper. Did I actually _miss_ supper? But I _can't_ miss supper! That would ruin my whole evening! A healthy person must always eat six square meals a day. That's why I always make sure I have second helpings at each mealtime and plenty of snacks in between. But I can't remember eating supper today.

"Did I miss supper?" I burst out. I just had to be sure. Surely my friends were hungry too. Remus was sort of with me the whole time, and he didn't go and get any supper.

My question was greeted by laughter. "What?" I asked. What did I miss? What was so funny?

If they are just going to laugh at me, I might as well just go down to the kitchens and get something for myself. Then I'll bring it back and eat it in front of their laughing faces. Something that smells really good. Maybe some stinky cheese or some chocolate. I grinned evilly at the thought. That was certainly a good, more than average, marvelous, ingenious, and extremely workable thought. I turned halfway to proceed to do that very idea, when Remus caught hold of my shoulder and stopped me.

"Don't you want to know why you didn't have supper yet?" he asked.

Well, yes, I _was_ curious. And the supper thing was extremely confusing. Did he just say that I _didn't have_ supper? But I can still remember the last time I admitted curiosity. Sirius and James made the aftermath of that little slip even worse than the woodchuck thing. I settled for a curt nod.

"It's only two o-clock in the afternoon," Remus informed me.

Really? How odd. I could have sworn it was later. I sheepishly smiled at the other Marauders, as Sirius and James started to laugh again. Remus is really smart. How did he not make it into Ravenclaw? He can figure anything out. Anything. Even that the cat is Evans; he could figure that out.

My mental processes went into a state of shock. How can I stop him so he doesn't figure it out? I got out my little scrap of parchment and jotted down: _Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible._

"What have you got there Wormtail?" asked Sirius suddenly asked, making me jump and hide the parchment behind my back.

Immediately reaching behind me, Sirius snatched the parchment from my hand. He started doing his little happy dance. What the newt? It's only a bit of parchment with my little notes. Remus and James exchanged a glance, and then James said, "Padfoot?"

"Eh? What is it, dear Prongs?"

"The point of my nickname was so that you wouldn't call me Deer. Now..."

"Wormtail?" asked Remus in an aside to me. "Why is Padfoot so happy?"

"I honestly don't know," I told him, shaking my head slightly and staring at Sirius. "It's just a spare bit of parchment I was using to write notes to myself."

Sirius's happy smile drained off of his face as he stared down at the parchment he had stolen from me. He pouted as he handed it back. I jotted down something I had learned from this little exercise. _Don't hide list or map behind back._

SBSBSBSBSBSBSB

I honestly thought that was the map. C'mon, don't you agree? Suspicious piece of old looking parchment, Wormtail has it, and he immediately hides it behind his back when questioned on it. The evidence is overwhelming. I don't particularly feel like going all the way up to the seventh floor just to walk Prongs and Moony back to the Common Room, so I'll just interrupt this conversation that Prongs is trying to start up with me and drag Wormtail away so he can go find McGonagall for the game plan.

"Wormy, you've got Prongs's mirror; Let's go. It's time to play out the plan."

"What exactly am I supposed to do for this plan?" whined Wormtail as I led him away from the group.

As we walked away I thought I heard Prongs tell Moony, "Wish I hadn't made Wormy take over the game plan now. Oh well."

"Padfoot?" asked Wormy as we headed down to the fourth floor again.

"What?" I said.

"What am I supposed to do?" repeated Peter.

"Oh that. Find McGonagall, and see if you can convince her to give me a detention. Or two," I grinned. "If you can manage it, maybe even try for three. I'll be up one on Prongs then."

Wormy scrunched up his face. "Don't you just have to do something that earns a detention?"

"Nope, all you have to do is have someone vouch that you need a detention," I declared.

There was a little silence while Wormy pulled out his "notes to self" and wrote something down. I was satisfied when I glanced over and noticed the words _Help Sirius get detentions_. The silence held until we made it to the fourth floor.

"Who do I have to find again?" asked Wormtail.

"Professor McGonagall," I answered automatically, as I looked around for a good corner or landing to hide out in. I do not want to get noticed talking to my mirror, so privacy is a must. "You do remember how to use the mirrors, right?" I asked.

"Do you think I'm thick?" asked Peter indignantly.

I chuckled. "Isn't the answer obvious?"

"No," sighed Wormy. "And yes, I do remember."

"Remember what?" Yes, this kind of question was qualified as provoking Wormtail, and should only be attempted by Prongs, Moony or myself. Anyone else would get trapped by the convoluted reasoning of Wormtail, but he will actually stop himself now if he's talking to one of us.

"About the mirror-" I kept my face blank. If I had to be stuck with Wormy for this little adventure, I was going to make him question his sanity. It actually took surprisingly little effort on my part to accomplish this goal and it was quite fun in the process. "Oh, never mind." See, he doesn't want to explain all the way. Even when provoked. It made me wonder for a minute about whether he wanted to explain with other people, or whether he thought that he had to. Okay, that's enough deep thinking for this week. On to the adventure!

And _that _is the perfect place to set up headquarters. Nice. It was secluded enough, and all it had in the little alcove was a stone gargoyle. One entryway, so at least I don't have to watch my back. It only has three stone walls, the other side is open like a balcony-all that's there is a little supported guardrail so that the firsties don't fall off the castle. And it's four floors up, so I don't really have to worry about someone scaling the walls either. Only James. I smiled at the memory.

"Alright, Wormtail, this is where I'm going to be," I announced, digging my hands into my pockets. Where had I put that mirror again? "Go find McGonagall and convince her to give me some detentions." Ah. There's my little Rodger. What? The nickname stuck. Don't ask me where it came from, though. I just don't like to think about that.

I sat with my back to the gargoyle, finished setting up my station of command, and looked up. Why was Peter still here? "Wormtail, you can go now," I reminded him.

"You haven't answered my question," complained Wormtail.

"What question?" Oh this ought to be good. Wormy came up with the oddest questions.

"What am I supposed to tell McGonagall that you did to earn a detention?" Not the best example of an odd question, but the best odd ones usually come out of nowhere, so I guess I'm not that surprised.

"Surprise me. I'll be listening in, so you better make it good." I tapped the glass of the mirror to emphasize my point. "Now go."

"Fine," muttered Peter, turning and scurrying out the door. He tripped on the rug on his way back to the stairs, and I had to stifle my laughter for a second.

Almost immediately Wormtail's face appeared on the mirror in front of me. "Padfoot? How do I get to the Transfiguration room again?"

I sighed. "Well, if you know where the map is, Wormtail, you should use it."

His eyes widened. And his face disappeared again. Good. Time to relax. I stretched out, eyes watching the door.

_"Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits."_

I jumped. How in the world had someone gotten behind me? I've been watching the door this whole time. Especially someone like-... the gargoyle? I had turned to look behind me. The gargoyle is the only thing I can see back there. I went and walked around the statue and felt into the corners. Anyone invisible would still be solid. No one. That is odd, and I mean really weird.

"Padfoot? I think I'm lost again." Peter's voice made me jerk my head around. What was he still doing in the room? Oh, right. Mirror.

I sat back in front of the mirror again. "Where are you?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be lost now would I?" Wormtail retorted. I hate to admit it, but he's got a point there.

"Well, just show me where you are by slowly turning the mirror around the room or corridor you are in." I sighed as he showed me the room. I knew where he was. Now Peter just needed to realize it. "Wormy, there are beds there. Where on the fourth floor are there beds?"

"Er, one of the dormitories?"

"Why would dormitories be on the fourth floor?"

"I don't know. Maybe that's where the Hufflepuffs are." Hufflepuffs? Where did he get Hufflepuffs from? Their dormitories are by the kitchens. Kitchens that Peter should remember.

"You should already know where the Hufflepuffs are, Wormy. Come on! Remember!"

"What?" Does he honestly need me to spell it out for him?

"The Hufflepuffs are by the kitchens," I said, gritting my teeth. "Now, where is Madam Pomfrey?" This better get him on the right track.

"The Hospital Wing, of course." Finally! But I don't think he made the connection yet. Ugh.

"And so where are you, Wormy?"

"I don't know," he whined. He hid the mirror behind his back for a moment, loudly proclaiming, "Hi Madam Pomfrey!" I give up. Sometimes Peter was just too thick.

When he faced the mirror again, I reluctantly muttered, "The Hospital Wing, Wormtail, you are in the Hospital Wing."

"Really?" Okay. Now I'm dealing with homicidal thoughts. Surely no one is that- but then I'm talking about Wormtail. And he is really thick.

I forced a grimace. "Just come down the stairs, Wormtail. And then go down the hall to get to the other set of stairs. And go down them."

"Fine," he huffed, disappearing again.

Now can I get some rest?

_"Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits."_

There's that voice again. Hang on. It can't actually be coming from the gargoyle, can it?

"Padfoot!" Wormtail whined, his face appearing in the mirror again. "I can't go down any more. There are no staircases that go down."

I frowned. "Sometimes you actually do have to go up to go down in this castle."

"What are you talking about?"

_"You must be confusing me with someone else. I can't talk. Not me. I haven't said a word my whole life."_

It _was_ coming from the gargoyle. I knew it. Well, obviously. It couldn't possibly be coming from anywhere else. Moronic annoying gargoyle that sounds just like-Let's stop that line of thought right now.

Wormtail's eyebrows had furrowed. "Padfoot? How come your voice went all funny there for a minute?"

"What? Oh forget it. Just go up that staircase and then go down again."

I turned around facing the not-so-silent gargoyle. I measured it up for a moment, then tested my theory.

"But you just talked," I said deliberately.

_"Sorry, there's no one here."_

Yep. I knew it. This is the argumentative gargoyle. Out of all the out of the way nooks, corridors, crannies, alcoves, or even broom closets, I just _had_ to pick this one. Perfect. Just perfect. And yes, that is sarcasm. I really hate clarifying what is sarcasm for Peter all the time, and now I've started clarifying it for myself. How irritating.

"Isn't this the way to the Astronomy tower?"

As a distraction from the gargoyle behind me, I studied the background that Wormy was passing. "Did you pass the gargoyle that tells bad jokes yet?"

"I thought that the joke was pretty good, myself," muttered Wormtail. I'll take that as a yes. Wait. Hang on. Why was he still going up?

"Wormtail, did you go back down after seeing the gargoyle?"

"Why would I go down the same stair I came up?"

"Not the same-" I stopped myself. It was really not worth trying to explain it. "Just go back to the gargoyle that tells jokes." I shook my head in amazement. "How in Merlin's name do you manage to get to classes?"

He started to squeak about something or other as he turned to go back down. I wasn't really paying much attention to him. I started staring blankly at the wall when I heard an "Oops."

I looked back into the mirror, my interest piqued. What I saw raised my concerns for the welfare of my mirrors. Wormtail was nowhere in sight, and the picture in the mirror was turning upside down, righting, and back down at an alarming rate.

"Wormtail!" I called, outraged. "If you break that mirror, you are going to pay in more than Galleons!"

I could hear him stumbling after the mirror now. "Sorry, Padfoot. I sneezed and then tripped." I closed my eyes to prevent an audible sigh escaping. Only Peter. Finally, Wormy's face came back into the mirror. "Alright, I'm back at the gargoyle."

"Is it talking?" I asked.

_"You must be imagining things. I can't hear anyone talking."_ I sighed as my shoulders twitched a little. Forgot to think about that question.

"Padfoot? Is everything alright?" Peter asked, peering into the mirror. "It sounds like you're arguing with yourself in that weird voice."

"Ignore the weird voice, Wormtail. Just pretend you can't hear it." Maybe that would help.

"But I know I heard it!" objected Wormy. Or maybe not. I'll just pretend I didn't hear Peter's objections.

"Do you see the other staircase going down yet?"

"Oh. _That_ one," said Wormtail, his eyes widening in realization. What other staircase did he _think_ I was talking about?

Calm down. Don't hurt the mirror. I don't want to ask for a repairing charm from-. I shuddered at the thought.

I started to stare at the wall again. Much better than thinking about such things.

_"Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits. Rabbits."_

Now if only I could get the gargoyle behind me to shut it.

"Pettigrew? Why are you down here?" asked a girl. I sat up straight. I knew that voice. Don't talk to her Wormtail.

"I'm looking for the Transfiguration room." What the newt? I said, DON'T talk to her. Idiot. I thought he avoided conversations with _her_ anyway. It's not like they are good friends or anything.

"Well, don't go that way. The dungeons are down there." He's by the dungeons? What has that rat been doing? I really should keep a closer eye on him. I should, but I won't. That takes way too much time.

"Thanks. Hm. Which way is it to the Transfiguration room then?" At least he's keeping it to the directions.

"Have you seen Sirius recently?" My eyes widened. She's looking for me! Who knows what she'll do if she finds me! Peter started to say yes, but thankfully he glanced in the mirror and saw me shaking my head furiously. He changed direction in mid word.

"Y-No," replied Peter. "How did your Potions studying go?" Ooh. I winced. Not the best choice of subjects to bring up. If she's been down in the dungeons she won't want to talk about that.

"Just go down that corridor and take two lefts." Yes, just as I suspect-Was that actually the end of the conversation?

Wormtail, what are you doing? Where did she go? I want the map! Wait. If no one's there but Wormy, I can talk to him again.

"Wormtail, what the newt did you think to gain from that conversation?"

"Shh!" Wormy was looking over his shoulder at something.

"Wormtail!" The mirror went blurry then black. What the newt? I stared at the black mirror in disbelief. If anything had happened to that mirror, I would strangle Peter and then punch his face in.

I started tapping my foot, trying to think through this problem. Seconds, then minutes passed.

_"Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits."_

If I could get my hands on the map, I'd at least know where to go to strangle the little rat. I was left alone with my thoughts, and that really wasn't the best place for me to be right now. I started to watch the door to make sure that no one had taken the secret passageway behind that tapestry that went directly to the fourth floor. My foot tapping was actually quite annoying at this point, but I found that I couldn't stop. My concern peaked as I saw a flicker of movement in the mirror.

"Talk Wormtail!" I demanded as soon as his face came back into focus. Not the best idea in the present company.

_"Shh! Listen, can you hear that? See, there's no one talking. There's no one here at all!"_

"Padfoot?" Wormtail looked confused, but how is that new?

"Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you to ignore the voice that is not mine?"

"Sorry Padfoot. But you nearly got me caught by Filch. He thinks I'm up to no good."

"So? It's just Filch."

Peter looked ready to object, but I silenced that line of conversation with a look. He managed to change the subject. "But I did get you three detentions from McGonagall."

Three. Nice. That will give me a little room to relax. "So, what did you tell McGonagall I did for my detentions?"

He looked rather nervous. More nervous than usual, I mean. What _had_ he told her? "I said that you stole some food from the kitchens."

He said-"What?" I was horrified. "I got _three_ detentions for something like _that_?"

Wormtail looked thoughtful. "Yeah, apparently students aren't supposed to know where the kitchens are or something."

Honestly? "I'm not serving those detentions," I declared. Not for something that _lame_. "Go back to McGonagall and tell her you lied about the food, but that I have been hexing Prongs." At least he could have said I was hexing _someone_. I could think up a much better story than stealing food from the kitchens. The house elves practically give it away anyway.

"What difference does the reason make anyway? You got the detentions."

That's not the point. The point is to leave a legacy of being up to no good by doing creative things. Not lame things that I do anyway. But Wormtail would not be able to comprehend that depth to the objective.

"You'll never understand, Wormtail." And he'd probably mess up any attempt to fix the blow to my ego, so I'll just have to do it myself when McGonagall gives me the information about the detentions. "Never mind about talking to McGonagall again," I said, and he heaved a great sigh of relief. "Just go back to the Common Room and give Prongs his mirror back."

Wormy nodded, then allowing his confusion to surface again asked, "How do I get to the Common Room again?"

And all my homicidal thoughts come rushing back as the gargoyle behind me said, _"Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits."_ How nice. And I have a headache again. Ugh.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

_Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: Yes, Sirius _and_ Peter! They turned out much longer than I expected when I started out, so hopefully you'll forgive the delay. I must also acknowledge that the gargoyle can actually be found on the fourth floor of the OotP video game. I don't own any of the dialogue in italics coming from said gargoyle, even though it's really fun to use. And various references came from Umi again, so this gets dedicated to her. We're actually having a bit of a race finishing our next chapters of _Cat, Rat and Dog_ and _Morning Discoveries_. I think I took too long editing this to win. ^_^ I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I am still alive and I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner. I've already been working on future scenes, so hopefully I'll be able to get this rolling again.

My deepest thanks go to Umi and snitch-bewitch and Kylani for numbers nineteen through twenty two. Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called _Short Sorcerer Scenes_. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. Also she has redone it, and organized it, and I would greatly advise reading her story _Poker and Prongs_'_s Plan_, especially if you like the Marauders. It migrated to its own story from _Short Sorcerer Scenes_.

Thank you for reading!


	25. Chapter 25:James Cleanup Duty

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Since it's been a while, two chapters ago, Lily decided what she would do after causing a fiasco with the socks:

_

* * *

_

__

Remus's shoulders started to shake. "Well, _that's_ never going to happen then," he said eventually.

Sirius objected to that comment, but my eyes were drawn to a little bottle of burnt amber ink that Peter had uncovered from the piles of socks. At least, I think that's what he proclaimed the color to be. It just looks orange to me. But with what I need it for, any color will work.

I know what I'm going to do today.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Last chapter, Sirius and Peter were tormenting each other, trying to get Sirius more detentions than James.

* * *

_"You'll never understand, Wormtail." And he'd probably mess up any attempt to fix the blow to my ego, so I'll just have to do it myself when McGonagall gives me the information about the detentions. "Never mind about talking to McGonagall again," I said, and he heaved a great sigh of relief. "Just go back to the Common Room and give Prongs his mirror back."_

_Wormy nodded, then allowing his confusion to surface again asked, "How do I get to the Common Room again?"_

_And all my homicidal thoughts come rushing back as the gargoyle behind me said, __"Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits." How nice. And I have a headache again. Ugh._

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: James**

It was not a pleasant sight that I saw when I opened the door to the dormitories. I was fully expecting to see Lils curled up in a corner, sleeping, and the room in nearly perfect order since we had cleaned up the socks. In that scenario I could've grabbed my Charms book and headed back to the Common Room to finish the essay with Remus, while we waited for Sirius and Peter to get back from whatever odd adventure they were tormenting each other with. But that didn't happen. That wasn't what I saw.

Perhaps I should back up a little. Lily says that I tend to get ahead of myself. But usually that is dealing with preemptive strikes against Snivellus. But Snivelly's going to attack us anyway, and I might as well get in the first blow.

I had needed to go to the dormitory to get my materials for the Charms essay. Leaving Remus down below in the common room, I darted up the stairs, more quickly than usual, and slowly opened the door to the unpleasant sight that greeted my eyes. _Why was the floor orange?_

I suppose I first glimpsed a dot of the burnt amber ink on the floor as I opened the door. I followed that dot with my eyes to a bigger dot, to a bigger one, to one that looked like a paw print. Hang on, paw print? Yes. Definitely a paw print. I looked around, trying to spot Lils.

Somehow, I don't want to ask how but I find myself remembering anyway, a bottle of Sirius's ink was left out on top of his trunk. Wormtail. I'll kill him. Don't worry, I will. Ahem. Apparently the ink was left out, and perhaps Lils saw fit to play in the ink. It possibly could have been an accident, but I doubt that.

But where is she? Evans will kill me if she's hurt. Lils, come on out. C'mon. Where are you? I felt a sudden impulse to call out 'Here kitty-kitty!' but stopped myself in time. Given my luck, that would probably offend the kitty—the _cat_—and she wouldn't come out. And anyway, I shouldn't be calling a cat 'kitty.' That just sounds wrong for a bloke like me to be saying.

"Here, Lils," I called softly. "C'mere. Where are you? C'mon out."

I finally spotted her as Lils peeked her head around the edge of the window by Sirius's bed. By this time, I had examined the floor a little better. It wasn't orange all over like I had first thought. There was definitely a concentrated puddle and different splotches surrounding it. And amber paw prints leading from the puddles to various places in the dormitory.

"C'mere, Lils. C'mon," I continued as Lils curled back into her little corner of the windowsill. "What happened?" I asked, even though I thought I knew.

Lils jumped down from the windowsill, gingerly walking over to me and leaving another trail of burnt amber paw prints behind her with each step. Golly, her forelegs were completely covered in the ink. I could see that some splashes of it had managed to get on her belly and even her back and face. And from what I could see, the hind legs and tail were nearly as bad as the forelegs.

What the newt was she thinking? I crouched down by her as she turned to survey the room with me. I stared at her, wishing hopelessly that Legilimency could work on animals. Not that I'm any good at Legilimency, mind you. I barely even know the name of it. Evans is proof enough of my lack of expertise. If I had any clue whatsoever of what was in her head, I wouldn't get in trouble constantly with her.

A flash of beige caught my eye. Parchment? I stared at the cat again, and it still took me a minute to see the scrap of parchment that was stuck to her tail. I reached for it several times, with Lils unknowingly flicking her tail at the last second. Hm, I really need to practice on my reflexes. Maybe I could borrow the snitch. Ah, gotcha! I held the parchment up to the light.

A sudden thought made me start to panic. This really better not be the Map. I hurriedly tapped it with my wand as I spoke the words, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I sighed with relief. No lines spreading out to create the Map. I wonder if Padfoot ever found the Map; I'm beginning to miss having it.

I pushed my glasses back up my nose and examined the parchment closer trying to figure out why it got involved in this mess. It certainly had ink splotches and blobs all over. Some of the blots were dripping through little rips because the ink was still sort of wet. If I squinted my eyes, the blobs sort of looked like "—a—oo— c—an— —ac—." Yeah, like that made any sense. I flipped the parchment over and finally recognized it. It was the note Sirius had made to Evans about Quidditch. In fact, it was nearly that short too. I still couldn't fathom why he would want to tell Lily Quidditch rocks. She should already know that.

I gazed at Lils trying to figure out how this note got dragged into the action. Well, I could sort of guess 'how' since there were teeth puncture marks on one corner, but I was more considering the 'why' anyway. Wait, what is she doing? I looked hard at her for a minute before realizing that she was trying to discreetly lick her front paw.

"No!" I shouted when that registered. The noise made Lils jump in fright and look around. I didn't like scaring her, but at least it stopped the licking. Ink was bad for cats, right? No one can eat ink at all. I know cats are supposed to bathe themselves with their tongues, but surely that is only for edible stuff, right?

What do you do for a kitten that is covered in ink that it shouldn't lick off? I picked Lils up to stop her from returning to cleaning herself with her tongue. But she needs to get clean somehow, and fast. The floor, the note—they could wait for later. Lils was endangering herself by trying to lick off the ink. How _do_ you clean a cat?

I carried Lils into the lavatory and let her stand in the sink while I contemplated that question. Well, I'll definitely need soap or shampoo or something, so I started rummaging in the cabinets. I noticed that she was occupying herself with looking curiously at me. Ah, I found Sirius's shampoo! That should work. I grinned at the irony of using Padfoot's shampoo on the cat and shook my head in amusement as I set it on the counter next to the sink.

Slowly and carefully I reached over Lils and turned the water on to a trickle. I felt fully justified in my caution. Lils meowed and picked her feet up one at a time and set them back down. I sighed with relief. Weren't cats supposed to hate and fear water? I had imagined something much worse like Lils jumping out off the water yowling, her claws out and flailing, and her teeth ready to rip to shreds anyone that had dared put her into water. I thanked my lucky quill Lils hadn't started scratching yet.

She seemed used to the trickle of water now, or at least, she wasn't picking up her paws anymore. I gradually increased the stream of water until it was steadily filling up the sink about an inch deep and the water started to wash away some of the inky paw prints and the ink on Lils's paws. Time for the shampoo.

I got my hands wet, put some of Sirius's shampoo on them, and rubbed them together until the soap started to lather. I grabbed a forepaw and started scrubbing the ink off of the paw, earning myself another meow from Lils as she watched me warily. I had thought starting with the paws would be best since she hasn't scratched me yet, and I'd rather clean her paws before she decides to scratch me. Finishing with the paws, I reached for the tail.

"Don't worry Lils," I murmured as I got her tail wet. Lathering my hands again, I started washing the ink off her tail. She stiffened and I hesitated.

"What?" I asked. "I have to do your tail, too."

She tossed her head and turned around. Okay, odd, but I can still get it done. I reached for the tail again, only to find she had turned back around. Evaded again. It quickly turned into a contest, with her just barely avoiding my soapy hands time after time.

"C'mon, hold still!" I burst out after a while. "We'll be done soon." Definitely need to work on the reflexes.

Finally, I managed to get enough soap on her tail that I gave up and started in on her back and belly. "Just—have—to—scrub—this—off," I grunted.

Lils started meowing in earnest, and I felt a little tugging of guilt. I knew I was torturing her, but it was for her own good, right? She would be much cleaner when she was done, more clean than she could have made herself, but how do I convince her of that? Her meows sounded pleadingly in my ears and tortured my heart as I tried to finish cleaning her up.

"You'll feel much better when you're clean," I tried to reassure Lils, refilling my lather supply and starting on her head and face. I felt her move her head into her shoulders—almost a shrug—when I said that.

But how interesting. She seemed to calm down when I was scouring her ears, but when I moved down her face to get her neck, she began snapping her teeth at my hands.

"Hey! Stop that!" I cried out after she managed to nick one of my knuckles with her teeth and made it bleed.

I was inspecting it mournfully when I heard a chuckle behind me. What the newt? Who—? I whirled around to see Remus standing in the doorway laughing to himself.

"Moony?" How long had he been there? Oh yeah, I was supposed to work on the Charms essay with him. He must have gotten bored waiting for me to come and went up here to check on me.

"Nice, Prongs. Nice," Remus managed to say with a straight face. "You should definitely look at yourself in the mirror."

What? Oh, I suppose that the scene he's looking at would be quite funny to see. Me, with soap bubbles covering my forearms, and a bit of bubbles in my hair from my habit of ruffling it. Not to mention a bubble-coated cat that kept trying to bite my fingers off.

"Well, if you think it's so funny, why don't you lend a hand, Moony?" I asked, only half-sarcastic, as I turned back to finish cleaning Lils's fur. It would actually help a lot if he could hold her down, then maybe she'd be a little easier to clean.

"No thanks, Prongs. I think I'd prefer to watch from over here," he responded in a dry voice.

"Suit yourself," I muttered, concentrating once more on my task of cleaning the cat. I think I've got her well covered in the bubbles now. Now to rinse her off, and see if the shampoo worked well enough to get rid of the ink. It should have, the bubbles had turned from white to orange.

I carefully increased the stream of water again, this time to make it fill the sink to about four or five inches deep. I cupped my hands and started to pour the water over her head, back, and tail by the handful. Lils meowed once, warningly, and then (don't ask me how I saw or sensed it—I don't know) her claws came out.

I took a giant leap away from the sink, with a yelp. Lils nodded once smugly, and it was accompanied by Remus's laughter. He apparently was hanging onto the door post for support. I glared at him. This was all his fault for not helping me. I turned back to the cat and saw her pawing the taps and she actually managed to turn down the water from the free flow of a minute ago to just a trickle again. Wow. What has Lily Evans been teaching her cat?

Lils has got to be part Kneazle. I can't imagine a regular cat being so smart, so expressive, so lively. I mean, cats are smart, there's no doubt of that in my mind. McGonagall can turn into a cat, and she's smart; not to mention Mrs. Norris who can spot troublemakers with a swish of her tail. But with Lils, it's like she knew how the world around her should work, she just hadn't figured out how to make herself survive without humans yet.

Quickly ducking down, I snuck closer to the sink and hissed, "Quick, Moony, pass me a towel!" I felt a soft heaviness land on my shoulder, and involuntarily looked at it. "Why did you get me mine?" I objected.

"You _are_ the one attempting to wash the cat," he pointed out.

"Good point." I couldn't think of anything else to say to that. It _was_ true. And if Sirius could see me now, I had no doubt that I'd never live this one down. I had rather been hoping for Wormtail's towel, in an effort to get back at him for uncovering the ink, but I knew Moony couldn't know that.

I crept up to the edge of the sink, and peeked my head up over the edge. I quickly and deftly turned the rest of the water off, and Lils gave me an unreadable look before letting me lift her up onto the towel unharmed.

"There, there, Lils. See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I murmured to her, sitting down with her and patting her dry with the towel.

Remus made himself comfortable also as he asked, "So why the bath, Prongs?"

I gestured out the loo door as I replied, "Did you even _see_ the mess of ink all over the place out there?"

Remus smiled. "Of course. I cleaned it up."

Clean? "Really? How?" It would've taken me ages. And that's with all the skills I learned from my various cleaning detentions.

"Honestly Prongs, sometimes you are as dense as Wormtail," Remus chuckled indulgently.

I rolled my eyes. "Would you cut that out and just tell me?"

Remus tilted his head thoughtfully. "Well, I don't know, Prongs. You haven't answered my first question."

First question? What the newt was his first question? I quickly tried to think back; it had something to do with the bath. Oh yes, now I remember. I quickly explained, "Lils was covered in the ink, and she was trying to lick it off."

That was quite naughty of you by the way, Lils. You shouldn't have done that. _I really should stop talking to people in my head_, I thought as I wrapped the towel tighter around her and positioned her better in my arms. I barely heard Remus's reply. "You could have just siphoned the ink off." In fact, all that really registered was 'could,' 'siphoned,' and 'ink,' so I'm actually guessing at the rest.

"Wait, what?" I dragged my eyes from Lils and faced Remus to be sure I heard it correctly as well as hearing the whole thing.

Remus quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "That's what I did to the floor. Just siphoned it off with my wand." Wait, that's how he cleaned it? With his what now?

"Wand—? Argh! Why didn't _I_ think of that?" That really would have been so much simpler. Less fun of course, but certainly easier than fighting Lils to get her clean. I surveyed the bundle in my arms. Lils had actually fallen asleep from the busy day she had. I felt like cooing, but that would have totally destroyed any last vestiges of manliness I could still hold onto after giving a cat a bubble bath, so I only cooed over her in my mind. Yeah, I definitely didn't think of using my wand.

Remus laughed. "I honestly don't know the reason for that, Prongs."

But I think I might know why. There's absolutely no reason to share it with Moony, of course. I'm not sure he'd understand all of it. There was definitely something about this cat that gets under my skin. In a good way, mind you. I grinned, getting up to put Lils down in her basket that served as a bed. Her tail twitched as I put her down, reminding me that I need to work on my reflexes. The snitch was a good idea. I wonder how hard it would be to nick it?

Ooh, I think I can hear Wormtail talking on the stairs. He and Padfoot must be back. I wonder what adventure they managed to get themselves into? I glanced sideways towards Remus.

"Hey, Moony. There's really no need to tell them what happened up here, right?"

Remus laughed loudly. "Oh no, there's no real need. You've still got bubbles in your hair. I think they'll ask about that whether or not you tell them."

"What? Where?" I spun around to go look in the lavatory's mirror. I've got, what, thirty seconds to get rid of the bubbles? How hard could that possibly be? I looked into the mirror and gasped.

I mean, I'm used to my untidy hair in my reflection, but it's usually _black_ untidy hair. I didn't ruffle my hair _that_ much, did I? How the newt did those bubbles turn my lovely dark hair to _white_? Is that what I'll look like when I'm old? I wrinkled my nose. I certainly hope not. Lily wouldn't have that much to look at if that's the case. How in the world could I get rid of all those bubbles in time? I glanced at my watch. Five seconds. Might as well just call Sirius in here. Maybe he'd have some pointers on how he rinses all of this soap out every time.

"Padfoot!" Sirius was going to pay if this was somehow a prank. How the newt did he know I'd use his shampoo?

"PADFOOT!"

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

_Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

_Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

_Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the story continues...

Sorry this has been so long on the update. I could give you loads of empty excuses, but I won't. I'll keep this short.

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas.

Now if you really want to know the main reason this is late, James and Lily did not want to cooperate with this chapter. Lily wouldn't give me more information than the note and a singular thought, and James was also reluctant to talk to me about this experience. This of course made me more curious, so I finally got it out of him. ^_^ Thanks to YouTube videos of kittens getting their first baths, I don't think I've made Lily too out of the ordinary. I've watched so many videos on YouTube, though, I don't know if one of them inspired anything specific in this chapter or not.

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 26:Lily Storms

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, James was having a fun time bathing Lils. ^_^

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_

_I've got, what, thirty seconds to get rid of the bubbles? How hard could that possibly be? I looked into the mirror and gasped. I mean, I'm used to my untidy hair in my reflection, but it's usually __black untidy hair. I didn't ruffle my hair __that much, did I? How the newt did those bubbles turn my lovely dark hair to __white? Is that what I'll look like when I'm old? I wrinkled my nose. I certainly hope not. Lily wouldn't have that much to look at if that's the case. How in the world could I get rid of all those bubbles in time? I glanced at my watch. Five seconds. Might as well just call Sirius in here. Maybe he'd have some pointers on how he rinses all of this soap out every time._

_"Padfoot!" Sirius was going to pay if this was somehow a prank. How the newt did he know I'd use his shampoo? "PADFOOT!"_

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**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX: Lily**

What was that? My head shot up off my paws. Where was I? What had happened after my bath? The last thing I remember was the warm dry towel, and the scent of peppermint. I vaguely remember hearing some laughter, but that is a bit questionable. Of course, if I could say that excuse about the whole bath experience, I'd be loads happier. I could still smell the peppermint, but from my vantage point it looked like I had been sleeping in my basket for the last several hours.

I looked nervously around the room, taking in the comatose forms of my protectors. All snoring, all asleep. Well, not quite all. Peter was blinking his eyes blearily waiting for sleep to claim him more fully. What was it that had woken me up? I heard the rain pounding the windows, the heavy breathing of the four boys. Nothing to worry about, I reassured myself as the room lit up unnaturally for a millisecond. I laid my head back down and curled into a ball, before the noise that had awoken me reoccurred. Like a shocking wave, the noise shook the room. An enormous thunderclap.

I screamed and jumped. How come the thunder was that loud? I was used to the little thunderstorms that usually accompanied spring. But this was louder than the loudest thunderclap I had ever heard. However, the boys didn't react that much. Peter rolled over again; James stretched and then relaxed once more; Remus pulled his pillow over his head; and Sirius snored on.

I meowed loudly, hoping desperately for someone--anyone--to awake and explain to me why no one was reacting. Their lack of reaction, more than the loud noise of the storm itself, was more disturbing to me at this point.

Pettigrew groaned quietly. "I hate rain," I heard him mutter. Remus stilled into a statue similar to Sirius's prone form, and James sleepily rolled to his side.

Were they totally unaware of how loud that thunder was? Why? I meowed again in my anxiety. This was accompanied by another unnatural flash of light, and I braced myself as the loudest thunder I had heard in my life rolled forth from the heavens. I couldn't stop myself from shaking in my basket, even after I had burrowed under the blankets these boys had procured for me.

I peeked out of an opening in the blankets to see that James had raised his head off his pillow and was looking curiously at me. I noted that he had put his glasses on at some point when I wasn't looking. As he watched, another flash of lightning lit up the room, and I squeezed my eyes shut in preparation for the loud boom that was sure to come. I whimpered as the sound filled the room, and I looked out again to see that James's eyes had widened.

His whole face softened immediately, and he held out an arm, beckoning me.

"C'mere Lils. It's okay, c'mere," he murmured gently.

I hesitated. If it had been anyone but James Potter, I would have dashed into his arms. But, annoyingly, my conscience took that moment to remind me of all the times I had trusted Potter and he and his friends had betrayed that trust. Loads of these instances had ended with my hair changing colors, Peeves dive-bombing me with water balloons, and getting strung up by my heel in the Great Hall.

Suddenly the flash lit up the world from behind me, and everything was thrown into sharp relief. My only choice for comfort may have been Potter, but he was still James underneath.

I dashed to his bed, leaping up on top of the mattress, and I stood there a moment processing the awkwardness of the situation, until James gathered me in his arms and gently held me to his chest as the thunder rolled by.

"There, there, Lils. It's okay. See, that wasn't so bad, now was it? I may not be Lily, but you can trust me to look after you as she would."

The irony of his comment was not lost on me as I nestled into his shoulder, but I had decided just for tonight to ignore the fact that nearly six days ago I was that same Lily Evans who had declared her utter dislike for this boy and all things connected with him, and just allow him to soothe me. I truly needed the comfort.

The gentle rumbling of his chest as he murmured more reassurances to me, the constant steady rhythm of his heart, and the warmth emanating from him calmed me. I once again allowed myself to immerse in the sense of safety that I felt in his arms. I finally let go of all my anxiety of the past six days and relaxed in his comforting grasp. My eyes started to droop.

The next thing I knew, I was rudely awakened by someone's choking laughter, and Sirius's hand was the first thing I saw, trying to shake James awake.

"Item four, item four," squeaked Peter, trying to muffle his laughter.

"Prongs, Prongs, c'mon, wake up!" Padfoot was saying. "Breakfast! What do I have to say to get you to get up? Quidditch? The castle is on fire." Sirius started to spout off random complaints that would have gotten any normal person to jump out of bed and look around in fear. I thought one of his best was the rampaging hippogriff that was being chased by an irritable dragon.

"No," murmured James in a sleepy tone. "I don't wanna—"

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" interjected Peter, finding the opportunity priceless enough to contain his laughter and seize the moment.

"None," muttered James. "Not while he's having a lie-in."

"Bad luck, Wormtail, I thought you had him," said Sirius in an undertone as James rolled onto his side and tightened his grip slightly on me.

The banter had given me some time to remember and contemplate my position in this situation. I meowed hesitantly, a bit anxious about being found in a Marauder's bed. Oh, that sounds really awful too. Especially since the only two that know I, Lily, indeed am Lils, found me. Oh, it's nearly as awful as saying James gave me a bath. I'm not saying he didn't, but to _hear_ the words spoken _aloud_... I shuddered. But my meow seemed to have had the desired effect. James sat bolt upright in bed, jamming his glasses onto his face. "Lils?" he said, looking around the room.

"Of course, the cat. Why didn't I think of that?" asked Sirius sarcastically. "And by the way, Prongs, she's on your bed."

"Lils!" James happily exclaimed, scooping me into his arms upon seeing me. Against my will, I might add. It wasn't that I didn't like the feel of being held, but Potter was getting much too familiar with his actions for my tastes. "See, the storm wasn't so bad, was it? Was it? Was it, Lils?" he said in a tone that should be reserved for infants and never again used on small animals.

I stared incredulously at him, and he took my silence as agreement with him. Interesting. He will interpret my silence both as agreeing with him and disagreeing with him. I suppose as long as I was a cat, that couldn't be helped. I'll have to remember to verbalize my answers when I get back in human form. Thankfully he set me down on the bed again so I could do my morning stretches. I was growing to enjoy them.

So what was the plan this morning? I looked around, studying the state of the dormitories. I really couldn't mess it up again, not like I did yesterday with the socks and the ink. I'll go on record for this though: the sock mess was not entirely my fault, and the ink, well, couldn't be avoided. I had tried my best to write a note to Padfoot, and while the note did not succeed, I did not want a bath from trying that again. Oh dognap it, I said 'Padfoot' again, didn't I? While I imagined 'Padfoot' would be easier to write than 'Sirius,' I didn't realize it could be so invasive in one's thoughts. Of course, I've been having the same problems with 'Prongs' and 'James.' I don't particularly like the course my thoughts are taking right now. Hm.

To distract myself, I padded over and looked out the window by James's bed. But it's not like I could go outside, either. The grounds were still too wet. I leaped off the bed, wobbling a little on the landing part because my tail swished a little too far to the left while I was going down. I swear, having a tail can be a hindrance more than a help sometimes. How do other cats, normal cats, know how to move their tails when jumping or climbing or running?

I hadn't really thought about it all that much. Even being turned into a cat for six days hadn't made me that aware of my tail. It is something humans don't have, or know how to deal with. I had pretty much ignored my tail before last night, but now I found that I had several questions that needed to be answered with regard to tails in general, and my tail specifically. It's so fluffy, and it tends to swish right when I don't want it to, causing me to be more clumsy.

Hearing Remus's voice caused me to tune back into the conversation. Remus must have just been in the loo or something. He definitely wasn't there when I woke up, but he certainly is here and participating in the conversation now. I wonder when exactly he came back.

"Detention is tonight," mentioned Remus.

"Yeah, but what are we going to do until then?" asked Sirius.

"Quidditch is out," said James gloomily glancing out his window. "It's still drizzling."

"Yeah, who'd want to come in all muddy and get Filch mad at them?" said Peter, dismissively.

"Actually," said Sirius, raising a finger. "That gives me an idea."

"What kind of idea?" asked James curiously.

"Remember that illusionary magic that Mclour was saying Muggle magicians use?" remarked Sirius.

"It's all slight of hand, smoke and mirrors, though," said Remus. "Nothing too special."

"Well, Moony, are there any spells that create illusions in the magical world?" asked Sirius.

"Are you saying—?" started Potter.

Black nodded. "Exactly. Why not?"

"Why not what?" asked Pettigrew. "I don't get it."

Sirius sighed. "That happens so often, I don't know why you bother announcing it."

I zoned back out of the conversation again. It appeared that Sirius and James at least knew what the four of them were going to do. I still didn't have any idea on what I wanted to do. Except perhaps just to stay clean today. That sounds like a good goal.

Hey! Let go! What the newt do you think you are _doing_ Potter?!

"C'mon, Padfoot. She's so cute! You just can't help but like her," said Potter, cradling me and making one of my arms wave at Black.

Sirius crossed his arms. "That doesn't explain why you think we have to take her with us," he said skeptically.

Take me with them? I looked between the two Marauders, horrified. What had I missed? How in the world had I gotten involved in this conversation, anyway?

"Moony, you saw the mess she made last time we left her alone here," James appealed to Remus.

Remus smiled. "It wasn't really that bad, Prongs."

"Hey Moony, what does six of one and half a dozen of the other really mean?" asked Peter suddenly.

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked the other three boys.

"I've honestly been wondering about it," protested Peter. "It shouldn't make sense, so why say it?"

"Why waste time on this? We could be bothering Filch," said Sirius impatiently.

"Yes! Let's go," exclaimed James, standing up and taking me with him.

I meowed. I really didn't want to go with them. Why was Potter insisting on it anyway?

"Right." Padfoot caught hold of James's shoulder. "You still haven't explained yourself."

James looked down at me and bit his lip. "About Lils? Padfoot… I feel kind of guilty. I should've been keeping a better eye on her. If Evans had been here…"

Padfoot and Prongs exchanged a look, and Sirius nodded, satisfied, I presume since he dropped the subject. I wasn't sure what I thought of the whole subject. Besides, I was hungry now. Was that Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans sitting on that chest? I twisted in James's grasp, trying to slip out.

"Where do you think you're going, Lils?" asked Potter quietly as he readjusted his grip on me.

I meowed impatiently. Isn't any one of these idiots going to feed me? Surely four teenage boys would be hungry when awakening. I could tell that if I didn't get food soon, my stomach would growl, and it would be just like these gits to interpret "growling stomach" as "purring cat."

"First task, finding Filch. Then casting the illusions on the floor around him. And finally laughing as he tries to clean the illusions," muttered Sirius to himself as the group exited the dormitory. He paused, then turned on Pettigrew, walking sideways down the stair. "How are we supposed to find Filch without the Map, Wormtail?"

Filch is on a map? What in Merlin's name was Sirius talking about? I've never heard of a map like that.

"I dunno. So… what is it with odd sayings?" asked Peter, hurriedly changing the subject. "Surely you can think of a couple, Moony."

"Er, sure, I guess, Wormtail. Wait. Why does Padfoot think you—"

"I'm sure I don't know," interrupted Peter, a terrified look coming into his eye. "Just because I put it on my list doesn't mean—" He stopped himself and forced a smile.

"Wormtail," drawled James. "You're not a very good liar." I shook my head in agreement. James noticed, unfortunately. "See! Even Lils knows it. You can't even fool a cat, Wormy," he said excitedly. I tried the eye-rolling thing again.

"Of course I can't fool them, they can sense my fear of them!" exclaimed Peter.

"Mate, I'm pretty sure that is _dogs_ you are thinking about," corrected Sirius.

"No, honest!" protested Peter. "Cats have this sixth sense so that they never believe me."

"Don't they just use their sense of smell?" questioned Remus.

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Peter burst out.

Sirius held up a finger. "And… that is supposed to relate… how?"

James grinned. "Ooh, are we playing the question game?"

Sirius turned on James. "Do you want to?"

James considered that for a moment, his face cutely contorting as Remus led the way out of the Common Room. No. Uh-uh. No way. I did not just use the words "cute" and "James's face" in the same sentence. Please no. I _really_ don't want to spend time with the Marauders. But… I don't know what else I want to do.

Hang on. I want to eat. "Can someone please get me some food _now_?" I tried to express. Of course what they heard was more like, "Mrow. Mreow, mreeeow! Mew, meow?" But seriously, they should be able to translate just that. I was even pointing at my mouth with one hand, er, paw.

"Lils, what's wrong?" James asked in concern.

"Prongs, are you aware that if she doesn't answer with a question, you've just made a cat lose?" asked Sirius.

"Nrow?" was my spoken version of "What the newt?"

"Ha! See, she did it," grinned James triumphantly.

"Sorry mate," said Remus. James's smile slowly slid off his face as he was greeted by the sober expression Remus was wearing.

"Eh?" James looked between Sirius, Peter, and Remus—now all of them were wearing sad, serious faces.

"You lost that round, Prongs."

James groaned; while Remus and Sirius and Peter laughed, unable to hold their solemn faces any longer.

"Golly. You made me think someone had died," complained James.

"What would you have done if it was Evans or someone?" asked Sirius curiously, eyeing me with an undecipherable gaze.

"First, pound the lot of you into the ground for keeping something like that from me. Second, comfort Lils here and keep her as a pet. Third, wallow in my own misery," James rattled off rather quickly. Had he actually given some thought to the answer of that question?

Never mind that. They haven't fed me yet.

"So, how exactly are we going to find Filch?" asked Sirius peering down a corridor.

"Mreow." C'mon, notice me.

"Peeves would probably know," suggested James.

"Mreow." I'm going to keep repeating myself until you do.

"Yes," agreed Sirius. "But that would involve finding Peeves."

"Mreow." I can be very annoying, you know.

"True," stated James, nodding his head.

"Mreow." I have absolutely no problem with attracting attention at this point.

"What _is_ the matter, Lils?" James finally burst out.

"Mreow. Rew mreeeow." Food is the matter. You know, I sort of _need_ it. Aren't you ever going to feed me?

"Prongs, did she get anything to eat yet?" asked Remus.

Thank you, Remus! Thank the heavens! Thank Merlin! Thank Godric! Thank goodness! Someone finally got the message.

"That's why we're going to the kitchens first."

What? My head snapped back to look at James. How come I never heard of this plan?

"It's not my fault if you didn't listen, Lils," he said, catching my look. "I did tell you."

And when did this supposedly happen?

"Isn't that Filch?" asked Peter, suddenly pointing down the corridor.

"Honestly, Wormtail, does that really need to be a question?" asked Sirius.

"And the answer is yes," added Remus, drawing out his wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"Now? You're really going to start now?" whined Peter. "But I'm not ready yet."

"You're never ready Wormtail." Sirius took out his wand as well. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Hello. I still want food. Feed me. C'mon... Please! At least acknowledge my presence, you nitwits!

"I'll take Lils to the kitchens and come back after we've had some food," announced Potter. "Keep Filch around this corridor for as long as you can."

Not you! Please, I need a volunteer... anyone but Potter. Really. I'd even take Wormtail over James Potter right now. Anyone? I groaned as I realized what my brain had done. What did I just think? Honestly, not another Marauder nickname stuck in my head. I really need to find a way to get away from the lot of them. But, how? I am actually traveling farther away from three of them, I just don't know how to shake off the fourth. Technically, I can't run and hide from James, because he's carrying me. I can't get him to stop carrying me, because I can't think of a way to make him let me go, even for an instant. Do I even want to run away from him right now? I mean, yes, I'm hungry. James is currently on his way to feed me. Somehow running away doesn't seem to accomplish the goal of eating food. Alright. I've established that I shouldn't escape now.

Now what do I do in the meantime? Listen to the ramblings of James Potter? I think not! Well, I suppose he is talking to me. So I probably should listen. But I won't. And he will never know it, because James doesn't know that I'm the cat. But I certainly can enjoy the show. Sometimes he looks kind of sweet when he talks about things that have absolutely no importance to me. Argh. My thoughts are not leading me in the directions I want to go.

Wait, he just said my name. He's talking to me about me again? That really doesn't help my sanity. Of course, nothing about this whole situation is very favorable to remaining sane. For one, I'm stuck with the Marauders the whole day, every day. And when they leave my sight, they leave me in a place where I can't just get out of very easily. For another, I'm stuck as a cat for however long Sirius Black wants me to be stuck as one.

Right about now, I'd love to get my claws on some curtains that I could rip. But I must remember... no messes today. Absolutely no making of messes. I need to be clean. Yes, as clean as hands that are washed before preparing food.

Ooh, food! Let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me--Yes! I ran over to where the house elf put the food down on the floor for me. Yum... Mmmm... Oh... Ah... Good. My tummy feels better now. And don't you ever forget about feeding me again, James Potter! Hm, now I can just concentrate on getting rid of Potter. That shouldn't be too hard. Oof! Well, it shouldn't, if I could just get my tail to balance properly and quit knocking me over. Great. He just picked me up again. Will this carrying thing ever end?

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

_Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the story continues...

Sorry this has been so long on the update. I could give you loads of empty excuses, but I won't. I'll keep this short. I'll try to update soon.

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas.

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	27. Chapter 27:Sirius Ingenious Pranks

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Lily was having balance and communication problems.

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_

_Ooh, food! Let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me--Yes! I ran over to where the house elf put the food down on the floor for me. Yum... Mmmm... Oh... Ah... Good. My tummy feels better now. And don't you ever forget about feeding me again, James Potter! Hm, now I can just concentrate on getting rid of Potter. That shouldn't be too hard. Oof! Well, it shouldn't, if I could just get my tail to balance properly and quit knocking me over. Great. He just picked me up again. Will this carrying thing ever end?_

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN: Sirius  
**

I am a genius. An evil genius, but a genius nevertheless. Who else could come up with this ingenious idea? Fine. Can I help it if I like that word? Anyway…

I suppose I ought to describe the scene that is happening, since I'm the only one that could do it proper justice. Especially with Prongs gone on his little excursion to get food from the kitchens. Thank Merlin Evans is gone too. So, onto the disaster I had caused for Filch to entertain us with.

I am currently hiding behind a suit of armor with Wormtail and Moony while Filch is happily muttering to himself, probably bemoaning the state of the castle on rainy days. The three of us had exchanged muffled chuckles as we moved closer to where Filch is. The first lesson of a successful prank is to approach the target quietly. Well, at least keep it quieter than the target himself. We succeeded at the latter.

Peeking around the suit of armor, I raised my wand and whispered the spell that Remus had quickly looked up for us. A trail of muddy footprints appeared in the corridor, leading away from Filch. All it took was one minute for Filch to notice the footprints. His muttering increased dramatically and he strode forward to try and spot the culprit. I made the footprints go around the corner, and he groaned when he realized that the culprit was probably long gone.

I could feel Peter shaking with laughter behind me, as Filch, still grumbling, got down on his hands and knees and pulled out his cleaning supplies. Moony peeked out from the other side of the suit, and quickly added footprints coming from around a corner the other direction.

Watching Filch get more and more frustrated as he tried to clean the illusionary footprints was hilarious. Like I said, only a genius could think of this. This was better than some of our April Fool's jokes. We should have _done_ this for an April Fool's joke. Oh well, too late now, we're already doing it. And pranks should never be duplicated exactly. It proves how little imagination and thought you put into it the second time, even if the first time _was_ brilliant.

I made sure we all were hidden from view when a group of Hufflepuff third years walked by Filch. Filch glared at the Hufflepuffs as if it was their fault he couldn't clean the floors, and they hurried past them as fast as their legs could carry them.

Remus leaned over and whispered to me, "Best part is, he can't punish anyone this time around."

I nodded agreeing as I remembered exactly what had happened during the last major storm.

Peter looked up at us. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you remember Mr. Wormtail?" I asked.

He shook his head. Typical. Well, he wasn't the one that got in trouble anyway. I sighed then started a mini-explanation.

"The last time it rained, the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor Quidditch teams were practicing." I paused, waiting for Filch to cover my voice with his grumblings. "You remember how Prongs and that Turner bloke put together a mock match so they could both get the edge on Slytherin." Peter nodded, though I could tell he wasn't connecting why I was mentioning the event. "Well, do you remember what happened when both teams came in together, trailing mud through the castle?" There. That finally got Wormy's eyes to light up with understanding.

Moony took over, finishing the explanation as I checked on Filch again. "Dumbledore forbade Filch to sentence anyone during the next rainstorm with the terms 'befouling the castle' as the reason for punishment. Well, now is when the next major storm decided to hit."

"Our spells are wearing off, Mr. Moony," I commented as I watched Filch scrubbing away some footprints farther down the line and the footprints actually disappearing.

"We should probably follow him further down the corridor before casting the spells again," replied Remus.

Peter looked thoughtful before remarking, "Why would anyone choose to eat sardines, Mr. Moony?"

Sardines? Honestly Peter, can't you talk about anything even relevant? The location of the Map—now _there's_ a subject for you to talk about.

Remus looked floored for an instant, probably entertaining similar thoughts to mine, before he calmly answered, "I can't imagine. Why do you ask?"

"Filch was saying something about sardines and I started to think about it," replied Wormtail, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to start thinking about.

"You're actually listening to what Filch is muttering about?" I asked, slightly amazed.

Peter gave me a blank stare. "Aren't you?"

I exchanged a glance with Moony. Well, at least I'm not the only one ignoring the words coming out of the caretaker's mouth. Honestly, that is at least as mental as listening to everything Kreacher comes up with. Great, now I'm thinking about Kreacher. I've got to come up with something for Wormy to do that will get him out of the way enough for me to enjoy the prank.

"Mr. Wormtail, you don't need to," said Remus patiently.

I've got to keep a grip on the armor and my wand or else I would hit him upside the head once, just to try to knock some sense into him, like Prongs does to me. Oh, that's genius!

"Mr. Wormtail, would you be so kind as to check on dear Mr. Prongs for us? He should've been back by now. And you can tell him exactly where we are."

"Do I have to?" he whined.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, and Remus, catching on quickly, agreed. "Yes, Mr. Prongs does need to come and complete the Marauders, so go find him, please. And the cat," he added as an afterthought.

I hid a grin. Ask Wormtail to look for a cat. That _would_ probably be the best thing to say to get Peter out of our hair for a while.

Peter set off down the hall. I could hear his grumbling halfway down the corridor and I had a hard time not laughing. "Yes, Peter, go fetch Prongs and the cat. Go fetch the cat. Sure, this isn't a job for either of us, we're having too much fun, but we can send the one that is ruddy scared out of his wits upon seeing any cat, chasing after the resident cat in the tower. At least, I'll be able to ask Prongs what is taking him so long. I'm getting tired of walking. Why isn't he here yet?"

Remus nudged me in the ribs and pointed. Filch had finished his unnecessary scrubbing, and was loping farther down the corridor towards the corner I had originally made the illusionary footprints go around. Not good, not good. I need another genius idea… And all I can think about is the Map. Map… map… mat. Mat! That's it!

I quickly conjured a floor mat that looked like it had muddy feet wiped on it several times over, and as soon as I got an approval nod from Remus, sent it down ahead of Filch and around that corner. Filch didn't see the mat at all until he turned the corner, thanks to a small patch of stubborn mud that caught his eye. I grinned at Remus.

"Hey, Messieurs Padfoot and Moony!" came the soft exclamation from James upon joining us.

As great as having James join the fun might seem, this also meant Wormtail was coming back shortly too. In fact I found myself glancing around for Peter, as James continued to talk.

"Have you guys seen Lils anywhere? She escaped from me, and I wasn't able to find her before I found you two."

My brilliant brain took only an instant to process this. I had been expecting him to say "…found Wormtail here" but he had said that he found us first. Nice. I stopped looking around for Pete. I am such a genius. I remembered Peter's sense of direction, or rather lack of such a sense, and grinned an evil grin. I stopped myself before launching into maniacal laughter, as I reminded myself we were still pranking Filch.

Moony was asking, "How in the world did you lose her? You seem to be glued to her at times."

"Yes well," James said, uncomfortably ruffling his hair. "What is glue?"

Moony gave him a startled look. "It's—it's, er, the Muggle version of a, er, Permanent Sticking Charm. I thought you'd know that by now."

James grinned. "Just messing with you."

"Don't think I didn't notice you avoiding Mr. Moony's question, Mr. Prongs," I murmured as he turned and clapped a hand on my shoulder to see better around the suit of armor.

James groaned and his hand shot back into his hair. "It's just—embarrassing, Mr. Padfoot," he whispered. "I really don't want to talk about it."

In other words, he just wants me to drag it out of him instead of him volunteering the information. I normally wouldn't take the time to pursue it, but at least this is slightly more interesting than the grumpy old caretaker over there who was reminding me horribly of Kreacher. I shrugged. Anything to not think about Kreacher. "What did the cat do this time?" I asked, a straight expression on my face.

"Nothing. Well, nothing other than running away when I couldn't chase after her."

The question was begging to be asked. "And why couldn't you chase after her?"

"I was—stuck, okay?" James tried to retort.

I immediately tried to visualize James—stuck. He was caught halfway through a portrait hole? How do you even _get_ stuck in one of those? Stuck in an extremely narrow passageway? I've never seen a passageway in the castle that James couldn't squeeze through. Wormtail, on the other hand, has indeed gotten stuck like that before. His robes got caught on a suit of armour? Now I'm just making implausible assumptions. He was with the cat, until he got stuck. How the newt did he get stuck? Or, wait, did he mean that he was stuck—as in a conversation? Must have. The other options don't make much sense.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked curiously.

"Er—Ariel, but… she helped me out of the trick step." James raised his eyebrows as if to say 'of course I would talk to her.' I pouted. I'm not an idiot. Quite the opposite, in fact. Who else could have orchestrated this whole situation? Ahem.

Ariel, eh? I wonder why she never gets caught in trick steps. Hang on, _James_ just admitted he got stuck in a _trick step_, this definitely deserves some teasing. "How the newt did _you_ get caught in a trick step?"

"Just shut it," said Prongs with an embarrassed grin.

I was about to pursue it further, maybe add in a little jab about whether he asked Ariel for cat care tips, but I heard Remus ask from behind us, "So, are we going to continue the prank, Messieurs? Or are we going to stand around chatting while Filch gets away?"

"Prank of course!" James and I say instantly. We exchanged a glance, and I gestured for James to proceed with the wandwork.

He brandished his wand, and Remus and I joined him in dirtying the hallway in front of Filch. It was music to my ears to hear Filch's complaints. Not that I was listening close enough to know exactly what he said, of course. That would be insane. And as much as sanity and genius tend not to keep close company, I didn't want to spoil my peace of mind with the geezer's wheezing.

I. Am. A. Genius. And that's a fact.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

_Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

_Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the prank goes on...

A very happy birthday to Umi! Here's a Sirius chapter as a present. ^_^ By the way, that new icon on my profile (Made by Umi) will be another handy clue as to when I've got an update on the way for this story.

Sorry this has been so long on the update. I could give you loads of empty excuses, but I won't. I'll keep this short. I'll try to update soon. I do have a significant portion of the next chapter already written.

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas.

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	28. 28:Rat:Which Eats Cupcakes and Finds Cat

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Sirius was enjoying pranking Filch.

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_"Prank of course!" James and I say instantly. We exchanged a glance, and I gestured for James to proceed with the wandwork. He brandished his wand, and Remus and I joined him in dirtying the hallway in front of Filch. It was music to my ears to hear Filch's complaints. Not that I was listening close enough to know exactly what he said, of course. That would be insane. And as much as sanity and genius tend not to keep close company, I didn't want to spoil my peace of mind with the geezer's wheezing._

_I. Am. A. Genius. And that's a fact._

**

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CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT: Peter  
**

How dare he send me on a fetching mission! I know exactly what Sirius is up to though; he expects me to go back to the dormitories, uncover the map, and find James and the cat, and bring them back to the prank before hiding the map again, so Sirius can nick it from me before it gets back to its hiding spot.

Of course, the only way to avoid that situation was by not using the map. And walking around blindly, muttering to myself. I can't believe I got lost on my way to the kitchens. Again! _I_ was the one who found them in the first place! How in the world can I not find the kitchens without a map?

Maybe I could remember the way better if I followed my footsteps exactly. Now, what floor am I on again? Great, empty classroom, empty classroom, give me a landmark please, empty classroom, suit of armor, empty classroom… hang on, there was a suit of armor last time near the kitchens… well, I suppose that suits of armor were all over the castle. I need a better idea.

Everything is simpler when one is an animal. I've said that before and I'll say it again. However I forgot to take one simple fact into account.

Lily Evans is still a cat. How in the world could I forget this very important fact? I honestly don't know.

But anyway, since I forgot this fact, I transformed into my Animagus form after making sure that there was no one around. I turned the corner of the corridor, swiftly scurrying to the side nearest the wall. I made it halfway down that corridor when I heard a voice I was not expecting to hear until after the Easter Holidays.

"A rat. How interesting. I haven't seen a rat yet."

I screamed loudly upon turning around. Not expecting that! I was NOT expecting THAT! It's an actual CAT!

She rubbed a paw over one ear. "No need to be so defensive. I'm not going to attack you or anything. Is this really what I get when I show myself?"

I wiggled my nose, still trying to calm myself down from the fright. She seemed to be waiting for a response. "Er, yes?" I squeaked. "What did you want?"

Her eyes brightened up for a moment and I cringed. "Do you know the dog?"

"Er, Padfoot?" I said. Why was she asking about the mutt?

"Well, Padfoot's big black dog, I suppose. Does he have a name?" she asked curiously.

"Er, yes, I know him?" I answered uncertainly. I ran through a list of names in my head that I could provide the cat in case I was made to lie and give another name for Padfoot.

"Could you give him a message from me? I haven't been able to find him around the castle at all."

"What's the message?" This was sort of intriguing.

"Well, I used to be a human before Peter Pettigrew turned me into a cat—" she started, and I shuddered at my human name. She gave me an odd look, but continued. "And the dog can get a message to Padfoot so that he can change me back into a human."

"So, message from you to Padfoot is change you back to a human?" I clarified. If only I could tape this conversation in my memory and replay it to Sirius like... I cut off that thought as she nodded. But still, this means he would actually lose the bet. To think that I already had coughed up the money! I'll have to devise some way to retrieve it.

"Who is your owner?" she asked curiously.

"Wormtail?" I blurted out. Then thought about the question. Biscuits. She wasn't asking my name, but my owner's. Great, now I have to come up with a name for myself in case she asked. I started scratching my paw nervously, waiting for her reaction.

She tilted her head slightly. "Do you know the dog's name, then?" she sniffed.

Sniffed. That could work for a dog. Merlin knows Sirius had loads of fun with nose puns like 'sniffing around for clues.' But it would have to be more of a noun. "Snuffles?" I announced timidly. I couldn't wait to hear Sirius's reaction to that one. I could have so much fun teasing him. It honestly sounds like a teddy-bear name. Mr. Snuffles. Haha.

"You're going to give yourself scabs, you know," said Evans haughtily.

I straightened up. "That's my name—Scabbers. And you are?" Hey, at least it's more manly sounding than Snuffles.

"Lily Evans. Lils, apparently now." Evans sighed and lay her head down on her paws. "How in the world do you manage to communicate with anyone? I'm finding it the hardest thing in the world."

I didn't know quite what to say to that. I didn't have to communicate with the Hogwarts animals very often, plus two out of the three types of possible pets like to eat rats. Humans on the other hand were best communicated with when I was a human myself. "I suppose I don't need that much?" I eventually said.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Some cheese, and a few crumbs is probably all you need, right?"

Surely my appetite was not that small, but I squeaked noncommittally. I really didn't want to be having this conversation with Lily Evans. I really didn't want to be having a conversation with a _cat_. Honestly, I really didn't want to participate in any conversations whatsoever before I got back to the Marauders.

Hang on, where in the world was James?

"I've been having some of the worst problems avoiding some people. Namely, one James Potter. Even just now it took two trick steps and a Ravenclaw."

Well, that answered that question. Although that was sort of freaky. I wasn't sure how to react to that statement either. On the one hand, he was _supposed_ to be keeping an eye on her, but on the other, if he was actually here, he probably would have recognized me instantly and betrayed our secret. Speaking of our secret, I need to get back to an empty classroom. Maybe then I could sort of shepherd the cat back to the group and go out again and find James.

I started looking around. I know I saw loads of empty classrooms just before I turned onto this corridor. The cat was still rambling on about James and how he was rambling on about her—Merlin, those two were meant for each other—and I had to interrupt in order to make my disappearance.

"I'm going to go get—" Wait, what do I call myself? I guess anything but Scabbers right now. "Wormtail, okay? Can you wait here?"

Evans let out a breath, and nodded. "I'm getting kind of bored. I suppose I should be getting back to the Marauders sooner or later. I guess I'll see you around?"

"Indeed?" I squeaked as I darted for the corridor to change back into myself.

I took a moment to take deep calming breaths upon transfiguring back. Good Godric, that was close! Well I will definitely be able to cross that off my list. Who would have thought that the cat would strike up a conversation with me while I was a rat? I mean, sure Sirius did hint a little about it to me when he was convincing me that he'd won the bet, but I never expected this!

Well, at least I can check that off my list. I completely forgot to remind myself that the cat was Evans.

I cautiously opened the door again and headed down the hall to where I'd left the cat.

What the newt? Where was that blathering cat?

She said she'd stay right here. Ooh, I am going to strangle her! Where is she?

"Lils," I started to call out as I walked further down the corridor. "Lils!" She really shouldn't have been able to go very far. "Here…kitty…kitty…kitty." Ugh. I never ever want to be caught in a situation where I have to say that again. I never thought I'd actually have to say that. I actually used one of the most appalling, atrocious, abysmal, awful, inexcusable ways of getting a cat's attention. I am so dead if she heard that condescending call.

I started peering into all the doorways. Please let her not have gone too far. Where is she, where is she, where is she? Oh no, James is going to kill me. Sirius is going to _murder_ me. Can you tell the differences in reaction is based on the knowledge of who the cat is?

I glanced into a classroom and I would have assumed it was empty like all the rooms I've been looking in so far, except for the fact that something caught my eye as I went past. I did a double take. What was a house-elf doing in there? I slowly edged my way closer until I could fully see the room.

That awful cat! She got cupcakes! From the house elf. But-but-but _I_ want cupcakes! I hurriedly turned and made sure no one was watching before transforming once more into Wormtail. I crept around the corner of the empty desk and heard the house elf let out a squeak. That was high pitched, even for a house elf. Must be a female.

"Dopsy didn't know there were rats here!" she muttered to herself, and apparently the cat heard her.

"There you are!" said Evans turning around.

I could have strangled her, honestly, but I chose to sniff in the delicious smell of the cupcakes instead.

"How did you get one of the—the—that kind to give you food?" I asked, closing my eyes and savoring the smell.

"Oh they love me. I eat in the kitchens regularly now. Come and have some if you're hungry."

Don't mind if I do. I slowly approached the offered food. I caught sight of the confused glances of the house elf as Evans backed away from the cupcakes and I came nearer but I hardly cared. As soon as I was near enough to touch one I stuffed as much of it as I could fit into my mouth. Mmm. Delicious.

"Most unusual," murmured the house elf.

I glanced up just long enough to see that Evans was licking at a cupcake next to me and the house elf had sat down on the floor in amazement. Almost instantly the house elf seemed to remember her place and stood once more. I looked back down at the marvelous cupcakes. There was just the right amount of sweetness and softness and cake. Plus, they didn't seem to be drugged. ...I've played way too many pranks, haven't I?

It took three cupcakes for me to feel satiated. But when I had finished those, I turned to the cat. "Will you wait here, this time?" I asked, hardly trusting her to answer truthfully.

At my question she turned and made a face, before promising, "Oh, yes. I will." Evans bowed her head in contrition. "Do tell Peter I'm sorry about the last time you went and got him, won't you?"

"Why don't you tell him yourself?" I muttered, without really thinking. But honestly, why should I have to tell myself something she could tell me right here, right now? Ah. Yes. Forgot about the fact that she isn't to know about me actually being an Animagus. I'm forgetting all kinds of facts today. Couldn't find my stupid way to the blank kitchen. Forgot looking for the cat was the same thing as looking for Evans. And now forgot that the Secret needed to stay secret. I'm three for three today, aren't I?

Evans laughed. "Well, for one, last time I tried rubbing his leg to get rid of a scratch, he cowered in his bed curtains for ages. And then, he isn't the best at understanding my meows. As much as I hate to admit it, out of the Marauders, James is the best at understanding."

And there she is, talking about James again. If I could honestly roll my eyes, I would, I solemnly swear. But let's try this again. I nodded, walked out of the room and looked around for people to make sure the corridor was empty. Nope, I can't change yet. There's a Hufflepuff. I waited until the Hufflepuff passed, and checked again. Finally, it's all clear.

I transformed once more into Peter Pettigrew, and reentered the classroom. Hm, I bet I could fit another cupcake in my stomach now that I'm big again. I looked around for the cupcakes and the house elf. Where the newt did they go? I wasn't gone that long. Well, at least Evans is still here.

"Er, come along, then," I told the waiting cat, feeling uneasy about taking her back with me.

"Neow," replied the cat, still sitting on her haunches.

What now? Honestly, if Evans invents one more reason to delay going back to the prank, I'm going to scream. I don't care if it's my fault she got turned into a cat and now has to spend the holidays with us. I don't care if Sirius sent me on a fetching mission in order to find her. I don't _care_—She's _rubbing_ her _head_ on _my leg_! DEFINITELY care about _that_! I squeaked and ran over to the corner of the room farthest from where the cat was.

"Neow," replied the cat again, with an apologetic shrug.

What was she playing at? Acting all apologetic after something as drastic as that.… Hang on. Evans was talking about apologizing to me before, wasn't she? I sighed a huge sigh of relief.

"Don't _do_ that," I said through gritted teeth. "Now, come along. Let's get back."

I led the way back through the corridors, somehow finding my way back perfectly fine this time around. I swear, sometimes this castle is out to get me, and other times it seems to want to lull me into a false sense of security. But I am not being fooled. No sir. Not me. The cat followed me obediently back, not once questioning my authority.

How come it was only when I was alone that I seemed to have problems navigating the castle? And not all the times when I was alone, either. It's just certain select times that I'm alone and vulnerable that the castle seems to exploit my lack of any sense of direction.

Ah, there they are! I can almost see Filch around that corner too. I quickly sped up my steps causing Evans to almost lope behind me in order to keep up.

"Padfoot! Moony!" I whisper-shouted to get their attention.

"Mr. Wormtail, there you are!" replied James in a normal, loud voice. "Been wondering when you'd decide to show up again."

"Prongs!" I squealed in surprise. Don't blame me… I honestly hadn't seen him until he spoke up. And suddenly it's okay to talk in a normal voice in front of Filch, so surely I could be forgiven for taking that up a few notches.

Sirius turned around from where he was leaning against the wall. "Well?" he said expectantly.

"Well what?" What exactly was he getting at?

"Mr. Prongs is here, but you didn't find him, Mr. Wormtail. Whom _did_ you find?"

I jerked a thumb over my shoulder, and stuttered, "Th-th-the-the c-c-cat." My head involuntarily followed my thumb to look over my shoulder and to find out why they hadn't noticed the cat yet. I swiveled my head back to look at them and dropped my hand. "Well, where the newt did she go?" I burst out, turning from them to the spot I had last seen her and pointed. "She was right there!"

James held up a hand in a stopping gesture. "You mean to say that you found Lils and promptly _lost her again_?"

I quavered in the face of his angry words. "Sorry," I said pathetically.

James shook his head and stalked off down the corridor.

Sirius frowned, then remarked, "Well, the sideshow seems to be over for now. Let's get back to watching Filch argue with Avery."

"A—Avery?" I said in surprise. "But he's—he's in Slytherin."

"So nice of you to notice," said Sirius as he and Remus turned back to where Filch stood, yelling at Avery who was yelling back with as much vigor.

"Too bad it's sort of deteriorated into repetitive cries of 'filthy squib' and 'dirty hypocrite,'" commented Remus.

Sirius nodded, pursing his lips in thought. I waited eagerly for whatever brilliance he would come up with now.

"This is wonderful, you have to admit," said Sirius after a while, proudly. "Getting the Slytherins blamed for our messing around with Filch, a proper prank on the day of our detention, and a marvelous way to pass the time while we wait for our date with McGonagall."

I nodded eagerly in agreement. Remus nodded as well, but more sedately.

"Pure genius," added Sirius, continuing to congratulate himself.

"However did you make it so that Avery can't see the illusion, Mr. Padfoot?" asked Remus clinically. Avery appeared to be waving a mud-caked shoe in Filch's face and insisting that Filch get his eyesight checked for the shoe was perfectly clean.

Sirius shrugged. "He's Confunded."

Remus gave Sirius a double-take.

"Confunded people don't usually argue that well," I noted in amazement.

Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. "Again with the obvious, Mr. Wormtail."

I pouted. "They don't." I decided to expound on that. "People that are Confunded usually are so dazed that they don't function normally. They walk into walls and can't hardly talk to their friends, let alone put together a logical argument for the Caretaker."

"Well?" said Remus expectantly.

Sirius laid a finger to the side of his nose. "Trade secret," he smirked.

"Reow," said a cat behind us. Fully expecting it to be Filch's cat, I whirled around, only to stop—clutching my chest and breathing heavily—when I saw that it was Evans.

"Don't _do_ that," I admonished her.

"She's a cat," said Sirius, obviously, "how else is she going to talk with us?" He threw me a knowing smug smile, and lifted his eyebrows once.

"So, where was she hiding?" asked Remus curiously. He crouched down to pet her once in greeting.

"Moony, is Filch—?" I began earnestly, trying to get Remus off the subject of the cat, when a voice interrupted me.

"In the broom closet, apparently," said James, sweeping off his invisibility cloak behind the cat.

Sheesh! Golly! I wish _he_ wouldn't do _that_, either, but he never listens when I complain about it.

"Neow!" yowled Evans, who quickly spun and backed away from James. Sirius and I started to chuckle.

"Lils, come on," said James reasonably to the now hissing cat. "Had I revealed myself to you earlier, you just would have run off again." He paused, letting that sink in. "Do you deny it?"

Evans huffed and turned her back on James, only to find herself scooped up into his arms. I winced, and felt pity for my mate, whose hands were then scratched by a shocked and furious cat. Sirius stepped forward to help, but James shook his head emphatically.

"Avery's still arguing with Filch, right?" asked James, changing the subject and trying to hide his own wince.

We all turned back to Filch. Reluctantly, but we did. Avery was gone, and Filch was muttering to himself down on his knees again, scrubbing the illusionary muck.

"Dirty hypocrites, the lot of them. Never do a thing to help the state of this castle. I rather think that they enjoy seeing me scrub my life out on these stones. Why won't this blasted mud disappear already?"

I nudged Remus, "How long should the dirt last before he succeeds in removing it?"

"It's mud, Mr. Wormtail. Mud," said Sirius with a long-suffering tone.

"My point is that he's starting to notice that it's not going away," I said. "A good illusion is one that mirrors reality."

"He's got a point there, Mr. Padfoot," joked James.

"We must have taught him well," agreed Sirius, flicking his wand once.

"Reeeooow," Evans whined plaintively, when James demonstrated he wouldn't let go just because she was scratching him.

"Oh quit complaining, Lils," muttered James. "I swear, you weren't nearly this bad earlier. What's gotten into you?"

I saw Remus glance over, and determined to drag his thoughts away from the cat again. "I wonder what they're going to have for dinner tonight?" I said loudly.

Double reward. Not only did Remus roll his eyes at me before ignoring the cat once more, Filch changed his mutterings to, "More rich food no doubt. Meat, and breads, and puddings, and what do I get? Nothing but more spots to clean. I even had to clean up vomit the last time they had trifle. Perfectly good waste of trifle if you ask me. If one feels sick to their stomach, they should not try to eat rich foods. Leave some for the rest of us, so nothing has to be licked off the stones afterward."

Well, not such a good idea, after all. "Eww," I couldn't keep myself from groaning.

"Eh?" asked Sirius. "What's so disgusting about biscuits?"

Ah, that must be what my mates were talking about. I probably should have been listening to them instead of Filch. "Not biscuits. Filch," I pointed at the culprit. "He keeps going on about vomit and licking it off the stones."

I looked around to see every one of my friends stare at Filch in disgusted horror.

"Anyway," said Sirius, clearing his throat. "I think McGonagall is going to make us eat biscuits again before our detention."

"Think we'll all be in the same room?" asked Moony, adding some additional muck for Filch to clean.

"If not, there's a good chance she'll just split Padfoot and me up," James said confidently. "We're only doing lines after all."

"What do you think we'll be writing?" I asked curiously. "There's not that much she can really go on, is there?"

"I will not turn the Slytherins' chocolate eggs into bunny rabbits," suggested James.

"I will not stink bomb the Hufflepuffs," added Remus.

"I will not perfume the Slytherins so that they smell better than they usually do," said Sirius.

"Speaking of Slytherins…" said James over our chuckles. He was looking steadfastly down the side corridor. I turned to see what he was looking at.

"Snivellus," said Sirius, a sly grin creeping on his face. "Genius."

I looked between the approaching Snape and the still scrubbing Filch. "This should definitely be interesting."

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

Check. _Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

Check. _Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the prank goes on...

By the way, that new icon on my profile (Made by Umi) will be another handy clue as to when I've got an update on the way for this story. And talking about updates, sorry this has been so long since the last. I actually had to bargain with Peter to get him to shut it, and as a part of it, I had to actually make cupcakes. Yum! I'll try to update soon. If I don't, just know that I'm working hard on it and other pieces that are in my head.

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cupcakes and cookies for reviewers!

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29:Lily Escapades

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Peter and the rest had just noticed Snape.

* * *

_"What do you think we'll be writing?" I asked curiously. "There's not that much she can really go on, is there?" "I will not perfume the Slytherins so that they smell better than they usually do," said Sirius. "Speaking of Slytherins…" said James over our chuckles. He was looking steadfastly down the side corridor. I turned to see what he was looking at._

_"Snivellus," said Sirius, a sly grin creeping on his face. "Genius."_

_I looked between the approaching Snape and the still scrubbing Filch. "This should definitely be interesting."_

* * *

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE: Lily  
**

This was one situation I really did not want to be in.

I thought James would take the hint. I really did. How foolish I was to think that _that_ would actually happen in my lifetime. I should have known he'd be as stubborn as all get out.

As much as I wanted to see my best friend again, I definitely had held certain expectations for our next meeting. I had rethought my initial desire of getting him to recognize me for who I was. I had prepared my alibi, but now I needed to act like a cat to prove the innocence of the situation.

And really? Being found by Sev to be in James's arms again is not the best foot to start off on. Even if James was technically the one that cared for me.

Why did James have to notice him coming down the corridor anyway? I mean, the Marauders were supposed to be messing around doing something else, not torturing the Slytherins.

"Hey Snivellus! Looking a little greasy there, aren't you?" called Padfoot, twirling his wand idly.

"Little dirty, more like," corrected Remus softly, to himself.

"Too true!" chortled Peter.

"Hey Filch!" Prongs said quite loudly. "Aren't you supposed to be cleaning up messes like that one over there?"

Severus took a threatening step towards the Marauders, but Filch glanced up disgusted, and exclaimed, "Another one! Been tracking that mud all the way from the dungeons I expect. Hours more cleaning for me! And Dumbledore—Yergh!"

I was confused watching Peter look around, startled for a moment, before falling into fits of laughter. Another person wearing a confused face was Severus.

"Mud, did you say, Filch?" Severus closed his eyes and opened them again. "How is it physically possible for me to have tracked mud throughout the castle?"

"Oh you're just dripping with it, Snivellus, didn't you know?" shot Potter.

Yes! I was actually able to call him 'Potter' again, without even trying too hard. Admittedly, I also used two Marauder nicknames within the last couple of minutes, but let's not discourage ourselves, shall we?

After all, I can't expect perfection. Since I've slid into the first names and nicknames over the duration of a week, I can give myself a week to correct my tongue-slips without it really mattering one way or the other. Right?

_Why_ does the idiot git choose _this_ moment to start stroking my head? I'm in a situation I want to ignore completely because I can't do a blasted thing about any of it, and the dunderhead brings me completely back to my surroundings with a couple of pats on the head. Really, he _should_ know better—oh! _Ohhhh_, that feels nice… a little to the left there… that's the spot; keep scratching right _there_.

I would have been thoroughly embarrassed, and I think I will be if I ever look back on this moment, but I didn't feel anything but comfortable as I contentedly closed my eyes and let James peacefully scratch my neck.

Did—Was that—I do believe I've started to purr again. I smiled, then ruefully thought, I really should be able to control myself better. My smile didn't drop.

At least be able to pick the time and the place. Still beaming.

And the company I'm currently in. Maybe those thoughts will help to make me stop.

Does Sev realize how uncomfortable his staring is? I don't believe he's taken his eyes off me since Potter whipped off his last quip. I really don't want to do this. I don't want to be here. Phew, I've quit purring.

If there was a place I'd rather be right now, it would be home, in my regular form, talking with Petunia over the garden. That would be the ideal. Mum could come out of the house to give us some lemonade and chat, and Dad could bring home some little present for me or Tuney.

Of course, since life isn't always ideal, I'd even take the option of fighting with Petunia, Mum telling us both to shut it, and Dad coming home stressed and tired from a case at work.

Is that last situation honestly too much to ask for? It's not much, truly. What exactly would make it better than the one I'm in currently?

Well, for one, I would be human and not a cat. Honestly, one doesn't consider the benefits of being human until one is forced to live as another creature. The next time I hear someone complaining about being a human, I think it would teach them a very nice lesson to spend the day _not_ as one. Or maybe just an hour or two. I definitely wouldn't make them spend any more time than just a day, though. I couldn't be that cruel. And certainly it would not last as long as a fortnight. No, sir.

Two, I would not have to be taken care of by my previously declared enemies, and therefore wouldn't have to worry about any feelings growing whatsoever. Feelings are overrated anyway. It doesn't matter that James thinks I'm the most wonderful person in Hogwarts, though I do treat him a bit harshly. It wouldn't matter anyway. Even if he does smell like peppermint.

Three, can I express my lack of desire to have Severus see the way in which my assumed trust of those he considers mortal enemies leads them to take care of me? Yeah, I can think of so many better things than betraying the loyalty in a friendship by befriending your friend's enemies. Just like the friend of your friend should be close to you, the enemy of your friend should be your enemy too. That's just basic loyalty principles. And I'm blatantly flaunting my lack of loyalty. At least, that is the way it probably is appearing to Sev.

Wait. Just. One. Minute! What the newt was _that_?

What just happened here? I mean… Filch was over there instead of right there. Severus is… looking mad and covered in mud for some reason. I didn't notice that before. All the Marauders, even Remus and Peter, have their wands out, and they're just twirling them around idly. And I swear I just saw a flash of light hit the wall beside James.

Alright, now I wish I had been paying attention. At least then I should have had a chance to process what was actually going on around me. I hadn't thought the taunting would have progressed to dueling this quickly.

"Filch, ever tried a cleaning charm?" piped Peter.

"Oh he probably _tried_ it, it just didn't _work_," commented Sirius.

"And it definitely wouldn't have had any effect on Snivellus anyway," added James. "He's much too dirty for any charms to produce results."

That's it. Since these boys will insist on needling and teasing Severus, I shan't stay and condone it. Perhaps if I left, they would find something else to do instead. And hopefully nothing will progress to dueling in the corridors.

I leapt out of James's grasp, I think taking him by surprise, and started strolling down the corridor away from the commotion.

"Lils!" exclaimed Potter (Cheers! I called him Potter) as he dashed after me. Perhaps I should have started out at a faster speed. It will look dreadfully suspicious if I start running now. Rats.

He caught me, and now he's mumbling, "Evans would kill me."

I'd like to point out the fact that yes, I probably would kill him, but _not_ for leaving me alone! In fact, leaving me alone might actually result in a kis—eurgh. Ew. No. Was that a hairball I almost coughed up? Definitely will take a couple steps back from _that_ line of thought.

And _that_ was marvelously uncomfortable.

Apparently, cats don't always land on their feet.

And obviously, tails do not like to cooperate with literally walking out of someone's grasp.

Ouch. My side hurts. Still.

I _would_ protest James picking me up _again_, but he is stroking that side very lightly and being all comforting and nice. Plus it is much easier on my muscles to be carried rather than walking everywhere. And it never hurts for him to smell of peppermint. How in the world does he manage that, anyway?

I mean, I'm aware of the peppermint shampoo or whatever that makes his hair smell good, but today I noticed that his shirt smells all pepperminty too. What, does he have the house elves soak it in peppermint before putting it in his clean laundry? Or does he spray some kind of perfume? Perhaps he purposefully spilled the shampoo in the place where he keeps his shirts.

I'm proud of myself. That last one actually sounds logical.

Does Severus have to resort to staring at me? I know it's hard to believe that I'm actually letting Potter (good job, Evans) get away with some of this stuff. But it's hardly under my control anyway.

I blame Sirius Black!

Except, he might actually like being blamed, and all that. Considering that _he_ put the fortnight extension on mainly for his own perverted pleasure.

Fine, then!

I blame Peter Pettigrew!

I made sure to grin evilly at said person as I thought this, and was pleased to make him jump and quaver in fright. Ha! There! The blame rests on Peter, see? And I am so going to torment him for it when I'm back to normal.

I wonder how many tongue twisters end as questions?

Bwahahaow. One should not attempt maniacal laughter when one has just injured her side. I winced.

You know, I believe the whole problem with this situation is that I never have any time to myself to just think about what I'm doing. I'm always impulsively acting or reacting to something or someone else. Perhaps if I could get a few spare minutes I would be able to concentrate enough to analyze my own behavior. But then I would probably be so utterly embarrassed, I'd hide under a bed for the rest of my sentence.

Ooh, what an interesting string hanging off Remus's cloak.

And thus distracted once more, I was able to leave James's arms in order to bat at Remus's cloak in an effort to catch that string.

It's hypnotizing, that's what it is. The string gets just close enough that I think my hand—_paw_ can reach it, so I lift it and extend a claw to catch the string and the cloak swirls further away again. Thank goodness Potter's (good job, Lily) the only one that seems to have noticed my presence here. I don't know how I'd explain myself to Remus if he ever turned around and noticed me.

Of course, Remus wouldn't understand my cat talk, anyway, so it might not matter that much.

"Lils, haven't you been bothering Mr. Moony enough?" was the soft whisper from behind me that made me jump.

"Eh? What?" said Remus, turning around for the first time since I had started playing with his cloak.

I ignored James, and chased the string so I was behind Remus once more.

"Apparently you might want to cut that string," suggested James, rising from his crouch. Cut it? How dare he? I was enjoying myself and he wants to take away my fun.

"What string?" was Remus's response.

Peter, having looked over at James and Remus and me, burst in, "Hey, Moony!"

"Don't forget, _Mr_. Wormtail. We are currently in a pranking situation," reminded James.

"Are we having steak for supper?" continued Peter.

Remus paused. "That sounds like a really good idea to me. Now, Mr. Prongs, what were you saying about a string?"

"Because I overheard the house elves saying we'd only have mashed potatoes tonight," added Peter nervously. "Who ever heard of mashed potatoes without steak to go along with it?"

"Me," said Sirius. "We're actually having shepherd's pie."

"That would definitely consist of mashed potatoes and no steak," agreed James.

One is subjected to listening to the oddest sorts of conversations when one is no longer able to voice her own opinion in response. I would have surely pointed out that beans on toast is an excellent meal, that requires neither steak nor mashed potatoes.

Peter, in spite of the certain lack of steak at tonight's supper, was beaming.

"Er, Mr. Prongs?" said Sirius with a perfunctory glance around.

"Yes?"

"Where's Lils?"

"She's batting at a string on Mr. Moony's cloak. Why?"

"She's what?" said an alarmed Remus, twisting in order to glance over his shoulder. "I didn't feel a thing."

James laughed once, and commented, "Well it was only your cloak, and not your trousers or anything like... that..." he trailed off, having circled Remus once and not spotted me on the ground.

The silence that met the realization that I wasn't anywhere near Remus's cloak was only broken with Severus's protests to Filch that he hadn't gone outside in the last twenty-four hours. I grinned contentedly from my perch.

The Marauders hurriedly searched the nearby area for me. It was absolutely hilarious. They were trying not to draw attention to their search, trying to keep an eye on Severus and Filch, and trying to add to the arguments whenever they could. But worrisome glances were cast at all the doors, and all the passageways, and even some parts of the walls and portraits that I was sure didn't have any actual secrets.

I was wondering who would be the first to look up. Sirius was looking at too many portraits and doors to notice me. Peter was occupied with the floor in hopes that he might spot me there. James was methodically checking everything from one side of the corridor to the other. And so my current bet was Remus. His eye line was higher than the other boys. He happened to be glancing at the various windows in the corridor.

Hey, Sev! Now would be a great opportunity to notice me up here. See, I'm not letting James and the Marauders take care of me all the time. In fact, I'd let you take care of me, if you'd just notice that I'm trying to escape.

Hang on. Would Severus actually care properly for a cat? Would he even know what exactly is needed? He's too much of a loner to ask for advice from his housemates like the Marauders did. And I wouldn't want Slytherins providing him with items I'd have to live with anyway. I know Severus has never had a pet to care for in the past, though. It's too much of a risk of an expense.

Is that a logical enough argument to convince him why I didn't consider leaving the cat with him?

Wow.

I love my brain.

"There she is," muttered an exasperated Sirius.

Well, I would have lost that bet.

"Where?" asked Potter anxiously.

Black pointed right at the statue I had climbed up on before disguising the point as a stretch. Drat him. I was supposed to have been able to stay hidden here for several more minutes. Traitor.

Oh, well that's just perfect.

Here comes James.

"Lils!" he hissed. "What the newt are you doing up there?"

I smiled infuriatingly at him, and watched his jaw clench in irritation.

"Come back down here," he ordered.

I tilted my head and lashed my tail. Does he really think I'm actually going to follow orders that easily? Does he mistake me for some vapid, loyal, obedient dog? Unfortunately, none of those adjectives describe me. Well, don't get me wrong. Obedience and loyalty are virtues, and ones that I usually try to display. However, I've just discovered my hypocritical nature on the loyalty issue, and that irritation is fueling a desire for disobedience.

"So help me Merlin, I can climb up there and grab you, Lils," he warned in a low voice.

I turned on the head of the statue to try and ignore him and his threats.

I wasn't stupid by any means. I had noticed Potter (cheers!) and his obsession with scaling the castle walls. But every time he had showed off those sorts of talents, he'd been outside. It just never occurred to me that those skills could be even slightly transferable to climbing a statue that was inside the castle.

At least, not until he was halfway up the statue.

What the newt does he want me to do? I'm not going to just sit here and let him catch me again. I'm tired of that game. Let's switch over to a nice game of Leave Me Alone, Potter. I haven't been able to play that one for a week.

Let's see, where can I go that James won't be able to catch me? Quickly now. I can't possibly be fine with jumping down to the ground. He could just jump down nearly as quickly and then where would I be? His mates would be able to help too. So, down is not an option.

Across doesn't seem to be much of an option either. Nothing really seems to be level with me, on the quick survey I made of the corridor.

So, up, I suppose. _Is_ there anything above me?

Genius.

Rafters!

And the nearest one being no more than four feet straight up was a blessing in disguise. I could easily jump that distance from my perch on the statue's head, but James, even standing on the statue's shoulders, shouldn't be able to reach it. And considering that one of James's hands had just locked onto said shoulder, I should make my move. Fast!

I tensed, and coiled, before springing up and letting my momentum carry me up to the rafter.

I landed rather well, if I do say so myself. It was graceful, just like a scene out of a perfect picture, until my tail caused me to stumble as my last paw got its footing. At least, my tail didn't completely knock me off the rafter. Stupid tail. But anyway, successfully found myself on the rafter looking down at the minuscule ants that the other people seemed to be.

Well, I suppose Potter (cheers!) seemed a bit bigger than an ant. Maybe a cockroach in his case. I smiled smugly at them all. The Marauders were looking rather aghast, but Severus and Filch had yet to notice the drama that was surrounding the rest of us. Idiotic prats.

I wonder what I would have to do in order to actually win Sev's attention.

Looking down at the scene and then back at the statue made James seem dangerously close. And I was technically still just above the statue. I would probably be safer if I moved away from this spot.

I flaunted my decision as I crossed the rafter, my tail raised high. "Lils!" hissed James again. "Come down from there! Come on! Get back down here. I can't follow you up there."

Exactly the point. You can't follow me. I don't want him to even try.

Anyway, I wasn't going to listen to his advice.

My tail rose high as I gave a haughty pose in response, considering my next move. My rafter would end in a tapestry and the closest rafter was three and a half feet away but that was three and a half feet closer to the Marauders. The one on my other side was about four feet away and I thought I'd like that one instead. If nothing else, it would get on James's nerves. My tail lashed in anticipation.

I crouched low, then jumped for that rafter, and missed. Stupid tail. Why did it have to twitch up like that? The momentum carried me past my original destination and I had nowhere that I could actually latch onto.

"Lils! No! Evans will murder me!" I heard James shout. I also heard a thud, as I assume he jumped off the statue.

I went sailing through the air, not unlike the many times when I'd been swinging on the playground near home and jumped off the swing. I think that was the main thing that made me keep my wits about me as I flew through the air toward the arguing toe-rags. I instinctively twisted my body to land feet first, and pulled my tail in so it couldn't interfere, and extended my claws. Unfortunately, I happened to land on Filch's uplifted arm first, and gave him some scratches as my momentum carried me further and I landed on Severus's shoes.

Not exactly the attention ploy I was looking for, but I suppose it would have to do.

Unfortunately, I found I couldn't actually use it to my advantage, as I found I was in shock from the fall. I blame my tail for that too.

"Potter!" I heard Filch bellow.

"Sorry, Filch! She's just a kitten, you know."

I felt hands grabbing me and passing me over from person to person, landing me in James's arms in the end. Precisely the spot I was trying to avoid with the whole adventure. Still, I was shaking slightly from my fall, and I allowed myself to curl into a ball and close my eyes. Maybe that would allow me to control the adrenaline that was still pounding through my body because of the fright.

The first thing to penetrate my self-centered oblivion was Filch's near constant complaints. "Nothing less than I'd expect—a pet of those hoodlums—nearly took my arm off—"

"Hey, Filch, don't you _own_ a cat?" was Sirius's rebuttal.

Filch sneered. "Mrs. Norris is much better behaved than that one."

James said patronizingly, "Surely you've still been scratched though."

"Wood paneling is far more likely to scratch me than my sweet," was Filch's reply.

I heard several noises of incredulous disbelief. James shifted his hold on me, and I opened my eyes to see him putting a restraining hand on Sirius's shoulder. I looked around farther, feeling slightly guilty over my current residence, but Severus had disappeared. He must have taken the opportunity to leave. I couldn't dwell on it too long though, as James spoke.

"Forget it mate. He's in _love_—with a _cat_. He can't be too sane."

Peter and Padfoot found this remark extremely funny. They bent half-over, cackling their heads off. I for one am not amused, because making witty comments is one thing. Making fun of the poor man for his pet pampering by laughing that hard, is just wrong. I think they even puzzled Prongs and Moony with their enthusiasm. Oh. Eurgh. Not another one. Alliteration is all well and good, but Moony doesn't even start with the stupid letter P.

Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus. His name is Remus. Honestly, I've fought his nickname this long, why should I succumb to it now? I've got to get my mind off this stuff.

"Out!" Filch was ordering now. Wow, they actually got him to turn red in the face. For someone as sallow as Filch, that was quite an accomplishment. "Out of this corridor before I give you all detentions!"

At that, Sirius had to pipe up, "I thought detentions were being restricted by Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore's restrictions only applied to cleanliness detentions! Not disturbing the peace detentions!" Filch nearly, well I would call it screeching, but he really couldn't reach the proper pitch for screeching. So I suppose I'll have to call it rasping. His face also darkened a degree.

"Are you going to give yourself one of those?" asked Peter innocently. "Cause you're certainly disturbing the peace with all that shouting."

That happened to be the last straw. "OUT!" Filch bellowed, and nearly chased us out of the corridor.

The boys stopped as soon as we were around the corner, and panted slightly. Peter poked his head around the corner to confirm that Filch had gone back to his cleaning.

"Mischief managed," puffed Wormtail.

"Mischief managed," agreed Sirius and James.

"Mischief managed. Think we should let up on the illusions all at once, or little by little?" asked Moo-Remus.

Great. Now he's a cow. I groaned.

The sound apparently was enough to focus unwanted attention on me. James shifted me around until he was able to hold me at arms length and examine me. Uncomfortable, embarrassing, and awkward. Need I say more?

"Are you actually alright, Lils? Did you hurt yourself anywhere? That was a huge jump. What were you thinking?" James started quietly ranting.

I answered with a shrug and a yawn. The shrug kinda got missed because of how exactly he was holding me, but the yawn was very prominent.

"You were bored?" guessed James.

I had thought he would understand that excuse easily, as he quite frequently used that one with me. I mean, surely there must be some validity, to him at least, if he used it that much.

"Great. She's bored," said Sirius sarcastically. "Let's see what we can do to entertain the cat, shall we?"

"Can't we do something else?" asked Peter.

"I'm actually starting to get hungry," mentioned Remus.

"Great idea, Moony!" was the general consensus as they all trooped off to the Great Hall, and James lugged me along.

I wasn't particularly starving at this point, considering the way I stuffed myself for breakfast, and the cupcakes I shared with Scabbers, so I was more content to watch the four boys and nibble at the food they put in front of me.

I was far more interested in contemplating how long exactly it would take for Scabbers to tell Snuffles, and for Snuffles to have the chat with Sirius that would cause me to be changed back.

It wouldn't be reasonable for it to take less than a couple of days, considering the rat had to find the dog, and I hadn't been able to find Snuffles through my search of the castle. I kinda want to give Sirius a hint about Scabbers and Snuffles so he knows to be on the lookout.

I was in luck. I spotted a bowl of nuts.

It was easy work to drag the bowl back to where Sirius and Peter sat and dig out some almonds for communication devices. How did I not think of this before? This is so easy.

I had nudged the various nuts into the word 'FIND' before Wormtail noticed what I was making and elbowed Padfoot.

"Look! The cat knows how to spell," he whispered, impressed.

Sirius gave him a look, before whispering back, "Of course she ruddy does. Have you _seen_ any of her essays?"

"She's written essays?"

"Yeah, they usually run about a foot longer than the professors ask for."

"Oh. Wait, what?"

"Just because she's a cat now, doesn't mean she was always a cat," Sirius explained softly.

"Right." Peter nodded, finally connecting the two ideas. Sirius sighed and shook his head.

"What are you two whispering about?" asked Remus, sounding surly for some reason.

"Nothing," Peter said quickly.

"What? No interesting conversations on your side of the table, Moony?" asked Sirius before Peter could say more.

Remus shot a glare at James before saying, "No, the narcissistic git is checking out his reflection. Again."

"Are you _sure_ you can't see any white in there at all, Moony?" James asked, holding a spoon in front of his head.

"That again?" asked Sirius incredulously. "Honestly Prongs, you were exaggerating the effect the first time."

"No I wasn't!" pouted Potter.

"Yes you were," retorted the other three.

"Fine! Be that way," he grumbled, switching his spoon for the knife. "Ever find it odd that spoons turn your reflection upside down on one side?"

"Not really," said Sirius and Remus.

Unfortunately, Peter latched onto the question. "It really _is_ odd, isn't it? It's like those funny mirrors at those muggle circuses, but even weirder."

He continued carrying on, while I set out trying to spell 'Snuffles' with the rest of the nuts. I do hope it's spelled with two F's.

I just got finished with 'Find Snuff' when McGonagall strode to the four joking boys with four detention slips. She passed them out, and the Marauders gave a collective groan.

McGonagall's lips twitched. "Don't tell me you've forgotten?"

"Of course we haven't," muttered Moony.

"How could we forget our date with you, Professor?" smirked Padfoot.

"Good. I'll see you promptly at seven then," McGonagall nodded quickly, and with a surprise pat on my head, she started to walk away.

"Oh, Potter!" she turned back, having remembered something.

"What, Professor?"

"No matter how well she spells, pets are not invited to detention."

"But Professor—" James tried to object.

"I'm not risking the disasters, Potter." McGonagall shook her head. "And certainly not after the broom incident."

"You've got to admit—" started Sirius.

"—the broom incident was all fun and games, though—" inserted James.

"—can't imagine how Aubrey ended up in the Hospital Wing—" continued Sirius.

"—completely not my fault—" defended James.

"Be that as it may," Professor McGonagall cut both of them off with a sharp look, "She's not allowed to come."

McGonagall left them at that point, leaving me to finish my task and pat Sirius's arm to get his attention. He distractedly looked over my note to him, and mouthed to himself for a bit before muttering under his breath, "Snuffles." Wormtail looked up and over curiously before he noticed my note. His eyes widened, and he gave a little chuckle, causing Padfoot to regard him suspiciously. "You know what she's talking about?" he guessed. Peter nodded. "Tell me about it later then," Sirius said, purposefully messing up the nuts before the other boys caught on to what was happening.

I pouted of course, but very soon after I started pouting, James carried me to him and started petting me and such. It's extremely hard to stay mad at someone when another person is fussing over you in such a flattering way.

Unfortunately, my day started to catch up to me at that point and I was yawning more than purring. It had been an extremely long day, what with my escape attempts, wandering the castle, meeting Scabbers, ignoring the Marauders, playing with the string on Remus's cloak, and my run-in with Filch and Severus. See, it sounds exhausting just listing it at all.

So I only half-listened to the banter back and forth that the boys engaged in as they journeyed back to Gryffindor Tower. I couldn't tell you everything they talked about, just that it involved mirrors and detention. I do remember drifting into the conversation when James was being teased about constantly checking his appearance, and Peter, after much teasing, handed a small mirror to James. But other than that, I retained no details.

I was quite glad when they continued their trek by going up to the dorm room, rather than staying in the Common Room. I might have been able to catch a few winks if it hadn't been for James periodically stroking my fur or shifting me around. They eventually left me for their dinner and detention, and I rejoiced. Taking full advantage, I curled up on James's bed and was only roused from my slumber when Sirius came into the dormitory singing.

"Oh what a beautiful morning!" sang Sirius.

I heard a thwack as I assume someone smacked him, and an irritated, "Padfoot, it happens to be night," from Remus.

Sirius whined, "But that doesn't have enough syllables, Moony. I'd have to add 'time' to the end."

"And?" James asked, amused.

"Oh what a beautiful nighttime," demonstrated Sirius, then came a pause. "Then it gets boring because the only thing I could do is 'Oh what a beautiful night.' Honestly, Moony."

"What about 'evening' for the first?" piped up Peter.

So I managed to fall back asleep to Sirius singing, "Oh what a beautiful evening. Oh what a beautiful night. I've got this wonderful feeling, everything is gonna be all right." It made me smile for I could picture my dad singing the original song on the holidays.

And the only other time my slumber was disturbed was when James dragged me off his pillow and more into his arms so he could also sleep. And for the second time in as many nights, I slept in James's bed rather than my basket. Merlin, I wish I was awake enough to care.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

_Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

Check. _Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

Check. _Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

_Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the prank is finished at last... and the extremely long ramblings of Lily have been concluded.

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cookies for reviewers! And yes, for those of you that did the math, 42 is indeed the answer to life's most important questions. Umi has taught me well, and I have made my chapter outlines. The question that has been asked since the prologue will be answered in chapter 42. As long as no other plot bunnies distract me from my goals, that is.

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	30. 30: A Day in the Life of Severus Snape

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Lily had just settled down at the end of the night.

* * *

_So I managed to fall back asleep to Sirius singing, "Oh what a beautiful evening. Oh what a beautiful night. I've got this wonderful feeling, everything is gonna be all right." It made me smile for I could picture my dad singing the original song on the holidays._

_And the only other time my slumber was disturbed was when James dragged me off his pillow and more into his arms so he could also sleep. And for the second time in as many nights, I slept in James's bed rather than my basket. Merlin, I wish I was awake enough to care._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY: Severus Snape  
**

Trying to put the stupid detention out of my mind, I entered the dungeon classroom to find the girl I was supposed to be tutoring, just putting away a book.

We were practicing the moderately easy Shrinking Solution today. We'd been trying this same potion for the last two days.

She had put up several arguments about the name of the potion on the first day.

"Why should I even want to make this potion? If I wanted to shrink something, I would just use a spell."

When I explained that it wasn't actually shrinking the object the same way that a spell would, she demanded to call it something else.

I told her that the book called it this, and that was the reason why I was calling it by that name.

She insisted that the book was wrong to call it that. I didn't dare tell her that it was wrong on other accounts. I shuddered to think of the day she would find out that the book was wrong and take it out on Slughorn. That would not be pretty.

"The potion is supposed to look acid green," she declared, startling me from my reverie.

I looked into her cauldron and then at Cenis Wulfric in awe of her lack of talent in Potions.

"What the newt! What went wrong this time?" she asked as she stared disbelievingly into her cauldron.

"I'm not the one with the eidetic memory," I muttered, still trying to figure out how she had managed to transform a simple Shrinking Solution which was supposed to be a bright acid green, into that mess. It was red for Merlin's sake. And you could see the chunks of evenly cut daisy roots. I have no clue why they haven't dissolved.

I shook my head dismayed at the turn of events that had landed me as Cenis's private tutor for her Remedial Potions. Slughorn's stupid policy. Just because he didn't want to teach all the Remedial lessons.

"I followed the book exactly!" she protested and started to count off all the steps to make the potion.

I had to interrupt her as I realized, "You forgot the caterpillars." The jar was sitting, untouched, on the table.

"Forgot them?" Cenis objected. "Oh, no, Severus. I did not forget them. You just never told me when to add them."

I opened my mouth, closed it, and then changed the subject as I started to clean up. "Cenis, do you know where Lily went for the holidays?"

"Lily? I guess she has been gone, hasn't she?"

"You didn't notice?" I raised an eyebrow. They share a dorm, how the newt didn't she notice?

"Didn't bother worrying about it," she shrugged. "Lily can more or less take care of herself."

"Well, yeah. I suppose that's true," I had to concede, but I hadn't asked the question that was truly on my mind.

"A purple sandpiper can not be very purple, can it? I mean, purple is not a natural color. Why would someone name a bird the purple sandpiper if it is not actually purple?"

Giving my mind a moment to process her comment and wonder where her mind was during the making of the potion, I went on. "Do you think that Potter would play a prank on me with Lily's cat?"

"Lily has a cat? I've never noticed her having a cat before. I wonder what color the purple sandpiper is if it isn't purple? Since when does Lily have a cat? It would probably make a good playmate for Artemis, though."

"Red, blue, gray?" I suggested quickly then went on. "Lily hasn't had a cat. That's why I'm suspicious of a prank. But, Lily wouldn't get a cat. Not without telling me first."

"You've already decided. I don't see why you are talking to me about it. Probably gray. You know James likes to play pranks. Dunderheads, all of them. Do I have to do the potion over again?"

My head was starting to hurt. Cenis was carrying on three conversations now, and while she could do that, I couldn't keep track exactly. Better to just cut her off before it got much more confusing.

"Lesson is over for today, Cenis. The caterpillars should have been added right after the shrivelfig. We'll try again tomorrow. Same—"

"Obviously." she interrupted with a little eye roll.

I frowned, then nodded. Noting that the dungeon was somewhat in order, and set up for tomorrow as well, I then hurried out of the classroom.

I was a little dismayed at Cenis's attitude about Lily's absence. Mainly because I was probably going to have to send an owl to Lily's parents to find out for certain of her plans. I was sure that that Muggle sister of Lily's would have objected to a cat.

But I couldn't get the conversations I had recently with Potter out of my head. I was understandably wary of his motives. But with the reactions of his mates... I scowled. There was no way to prove it one way or the other with Lily gone, but I wished that I could prove it anyway.

The most satisfaction I could derive from this situation would be Lily getting angry over Potter confiscating her cat. There would be absolutely no way that Lily would agree to an arrangement like that. But I could not stop the nagging doubt in my mind. Unless... he was holding something over her. Unless... he was somehow blackmailing her with something. Lily wouldn't cave in to something like that, would she?

My mind flitted back to the conversations I had with Potter involving the cat.

_"I believe this cat doesn't belong here, so I'll just take her to her owner. C'mon, Lils," "Whose cat is it?" "Evans's."_

_"Potter! You were lying about the owner of the cat, weren't you?" "Honestly? You're wrong. I was telling the complete truth. Lils belongs to Evans." "Yeah, Prongs isn't lying. The cat is Evans's." "We are caring for Lily's cat while she is away for the holiday."_

_"Lils! No! Evans will murder me!"_

I tried to analyze it and get something new out of the words and situations. There had to be a deeper meaning, a bigger secret, and I was going to figure it out.

I turned a corner only to get slammed to one side of the corridor. What the newt was going on now? I caught a glimpse of that horrid trademark messy hair running at me. Potter. All my loathing of him boiled to the surface. He had decided to pick on his favorite target again, had he? Well, this time he will find that he is matched… blow for blow. I dug in my pocket for my wand.

"Snivellus! What did you do with her?" bellowed Potter. He lowered his head, just asking for a trip jinx. I gave it to him and he ended up sprawled on the floor.

"Do with whom?" I asked, curious in spite of myself. That was certainly an odd thing to say. The only girl I had been around all day long for any length of time was Cenis, (well, and the cow, but he wouldn't be attacking me over _her_, obviously) and surely nothing odd had happened after Cenis left the tutoring session that could possibly be blamed on me.

"Lils!" Potter looked enraged as he got to his feet. "Don't you dare play dumb with me Snape. _Expelliarmus_!"

I cursed and dived after my wand. Things never went well when I didn't have it.

A shout rang out, causing Potter to stop his attack for the moment. "Prongs! What the ruddy newt!"

Great. Here comes his entourage. I braced myself for the spells that were bound to come flying now. Thankfully I had managed to get a hold of my wand for another few seconds. I needed to cast some debilitating spell as soon as I could or else I would soon find myself wandless again. Nevertheless, I hesitated.

None of this situation made sense. Apparently I had done something to Lily? But Lily was gone on holiday. The prat knew this. He was flaunting it again just yesterday. Hang on, doesn't he usually call Lily by her surname anyways? Evans this and Evans that. So, why was he accusing me of having done something to Lily?

I had waited too long, trying to figure it out. I absolutely _abhor_ that spell. Now the floor became the ceiling as I was hung by my ankle in midair. And somehow the prats had figured out how to do it nonverbally, so I didn't even know the incantation. And without the incantation, I had absolutely no hope of learning the countercurse.

"Alright, Snivellus," Potter spat, "This is the last time I'm going to ask politely." Yes, like stringing me up by my ankle for no reason and calling me names was actually being _polite_.

Potter carefully enunciated and separated his words as he brandished his wand in front of my face, "What—did—you—do—with—Lils?"

Again with the 'Lils' thing. What did he mean?—whoa, wait a minute. Wasn't that his horrible name for the cat? This had something to do with the cat of questionable ownership? I had to make sure. "Are you on about the cat? Because if you're not—"

"Boiling Bludgers, of course we're ruddy talking about the cat," interrupted Black. "And if you—"

"Why?" I broke in. "Why are you asking me—"

"Because you've done something with her!" shouted Potter. Apparently he was growing weary of just talking because he decided something else needed to be done to me. "You've done something with her and now—Eurgh!" Words failed him apparently, and he brandished his wand at me.

I dropped painfully to the floor but not before being hit with another curse that made boils grow all over my face.

"I haven't touched the animal since she landed on my feet yesterday," I sneered in disgust. I shot a spell at him that would have made his teeth grow enormously, had he not dodged it at the last second.

"Ha! Like we would believe that!" Potter shouted before a few more hexes, most of which I managed to evade, but unfortunately he disarmed me again, and this time I did not succeed in grabbing the wand before Black did.

"What do you mean you haven't touched her?" said Black suspiciously, standing up and pocketing my wand. I stared at him, outraged.

"Don't listen to him, Padfoot. He'll only lie to convince us that he's innocent," warned Potter, raising his wand again.

Desperate to attempt a convincing argument before he hexed me into a slimy blob (to say the least, it's really uncomfortable, and I should know), I hastily said, "Honestly, I don't know exactly what you're on about! What the newt happened to the cat? Can't you at least tell me that?"

Potter sighed in exasperation, but Black forestalled the curses for a few moments. "We were walking to breakfast, when Lils ran ahead and out of sight for a few seconds. When we were just around the corner, we heard her yowl as if she was hurt. We dashed to see what was the matter, but she had vanished, and not of her own accord either, since there was blood on the floor of the corridor."

Black had taken this opportunity to approach me quite slowly and menacingly and was now glaring at me from an uncomfortably close position. I swallowed. "How much blood?"

"Isn't it just typical?" spat Potter, waving an arm in disgust. "He wants to know how much evidence he has left behind."

That couldn't be farther from the truth. But if he didn't realize that the amount of lost blood would relate to whether the cat had just lost consciousness or if she'd actually died, then I suppose I should enlighten him. "Ha! I just… don't envy you that task at all, Potter," I said, putting a little distance between Black and I.

"What task?" the two of them said suspiciously.

"Explaining to Lily, how, while you were dallying in the corridor, you _let_ her cat _die_—"

"LILS ISN'T DEAD!" bellowed Potter. "I _SWEAR_—"

I was fully expecting to be stupefied as soon as he got enough control to think of the spell, but he was interrupted by Lupin. "Prongs!"

"_What_?" his irritation barely under control, Potter turned to look at Lupin.

Black seemed to be slightly more polite. "What is it, Moony?"

"I—" Lupin hesitated, taking in the situation before continuing, "I don't think it was actually Snape."

As much as it disgusted me that Lupin would be the one to take my side, I couldn't help my quiet, "Obviously."

"And why would _that_ be?"

"Snape was verifiably receiving a lecture and a detention in the library during the time that you were walking to breakfast."

"Says who?"

"Well, Madam Pince for one, who was still muttering about how he graffitied all her precious books."

I sneered. Dumb cow. They were my books to freely write in, bought with my own money. I still don't understand how she managed to bind me to a detention over that. It's just not logical.

"But even Bertha Jorkins—" Lupin tried to go on.

Potter threw his hands up, exasperated. "That doesn't tell me where Lils is!"

Black raised a hand to his forehead like he was fighting off a headache. I wish I had my wand back so I could give him one for real. "You're being absurd, Prongs. What made you even think that it was Snivellus?"

Potter rolled his eyes. "It was actually the fact that Cenis mentioned that he was a few minutes late to tutoring."

Oooh, guilty twitch from Black there. Maybe he shouldn't have cheated on Cenis and then not owned up to it. I mean, I'm not one to talk, but seriously, how are you going to cheat on someone, have her see you cheating, and then not expect the consequences? Good riddance, in my opinion.

Anyway, point being the detention was the reason I was late to tutoring Cenis in the first place. But if I could only nick back my wand while they're distracted with each other. I was pretty sure they had forgotten my existence and the need I had to get my wand back before I left them.

I wish it wasn't so necessary to life as a wizard. The wand just makes you that more vulnerable.

"And how in the world did you get her to mention _that_?" asked Lupin.

Is it wrong to get enjoyment over guilty twitches that frankly have nothing whatsoever to do with you, but you like to watch the guilty person flinch anyway?

"I know which questions to ask her," Potter retorted.

Black clearly wasn't enjoying this conversation. If only I could use it to my advantage and manage to get my wand back. Then I could hex them all and stride off the victor for once. Although the thing about the cat of questionable ownership dying on them was a rather odd turn of events. I thought they'd keep rubbing her in my face all holiday.

"So you honestly asked her about the cat of questionable ownership?" I found myself saying. What the newt? I wasn't actually supposed to say that out loud. What happened to my plan of silently sneaking up on Black and nicking back my wand while no one was paying attention to me? Yeah, what happened to that?

"Questionable ownership?" repeated Potter incredulously, turning to face me. "How the NEWT is her ownership questionable? I've told you, what, FIVE times now?"

"Three," I corrected softly. "But the fact that no one has confirmed it—"

"I suppose _we_ don't count," inserted Black, practically jumping for joy at the new conversation topic.

"—besides your mates," I finished with a glare at Black, "and as I can't possibly expect them _not_ to lie for you, I don't know whether it's truth or lies, Potter."

Potter huffed in annoyance. "All I want to do is find Lils, _now_. And if you are somehow hiding her, Snivellus, you won't have to worry about studying for your OWLs," he finished threateningly.

I gave him my best sneer in return. My innocence made me bold, I suppose. I also held out my hand to Black. "Give me back my wand, then, because I want nothing to do with the stupid cat. I haven't killed her, or even seen her."

"What makes you think she's dead?" asked Lupin in alarm.

I opened my mouth to respond and would have beaten Black and Potter as well, but was interrupted by the arrival of the last and final member of their stupid Gryffindor club.

"_There_ you are! What's going on?" puffed Pettigrew, arriving on the scene.

"Oh, just torturing information from Snivellus," drawled Black. "_Rictusempra_!"

I immediately dropped myself to the floor, surprised, and cursing that surprise. That spell ranks in my top three despised spells of all time. I certainly don't see the draw in magically tickling your enemies. Doesn't their laughter increase your anger? I mean, the convulsions are one thing, I can see the reward in that, but if they're not strong enough to hold back that laughter, it would surely be the worst spell for blowing off steam.

"_Impedimenta_!" And that of course I didn't manage to avoid, so now my limbs were bound in place with invisible ropes.

"This is the third time you've mentioned the cat dying," said Black casually, dropping into a crouch near me. "Answer Moony's question."

"The cat—_what_?" exclaimed Pettigrew in horror.

"Disappearances in the castle are never innocent things," I spat. "Even if it is only a cat. You know that, or else you wouldn't be this upset. What would you do if the cat had actually died?"

Black slowly stood up. "Just his normal drivel, trying to mess with our minds," he diagnosed. Of course I'm trying to mess with your minds! Where would my honor be if I didn't?

"Padfoot? Prongs?" was Pettigrew's anxious prodding. "What—what happened? Where's—where's the cat?"

Potter exploded. "I DON'T **KNOW**, _OKAY_ Wormtail? I don't even _know_!"

"Prongs—" started Black and Lupin. I started to scoot closer towards Black in my struggles to get free of the curse.

"Stop it!" Potter said. "You _don't_ understand!"

"James," said Black. "I'm just as worried as you." The two shared a meaningful look. I rolled my eyes, and tried to stretch out my hand a little farther. Honestly, if the two of them wanted to sound like a soap, they could, just don't make me endure their presence any longer.

"This was my chance, Sirius," he bit out softly, before flicking his wand at me.

I cursed. Strung up by my ankle once again, I feel like a butterfly in a cocoon. And Potter had the timing to do that just as I was beginning to have the Impediment Curse wear off enough that I could reach my wand in Black's pocket.

Is there anyone with worse luck than me?

"And it still will be, Prongs. All we have to do is find her," continued Black.

"Which is what I'm doing right now," Potter answered, rounding on me. "For the truth, this time, Snivellus. What did you do to her?"

"You're absurd, Potter." I sneered in derision. "You already had your eyewitness account of why exactly I was late to tutoring Cenis. The mad cow was yelling at me for writing in my own bloody books. I already told you I haven't touched the animal since lifting her off my feet yesterday. I haven't even seen her, so I don't know what information you think I have, but you're mad."

"I'm not mad," he protested childishly. "I know you did something to her. Now, where is she now?"

"Poor, poor, Potter. Latching onto any scapegoat you can," I said. Honestly, anything to get him to drop me again. Dropping hurts, but not as much as getting hexed while you're hanging in midair, with all the blood rushing towards your head. Besides, if he dropped me now, I might be able to grab my wand as I stand back up. "Ow," I couldn't stop from wincing, as the brute cast a Stinging Hex on me.

"Serves you right, Snivelly," sneered Potter.

"Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?" I retorted, rubbing the welt on my arm.

"You were always guilty, Snivellus," Potter glared at me, then made the fatal mistake of dropping me nearly on top of Black.

I managed to grab my wand, before Black scurried away, complaining about me getting grease on him or some such nonsense.

Immediately I cast a Protection charm around me, then tried to hex their toenails. They shouldn't be able to get very far with their toenails needing to be cut every few seconds. Unfortunately I missed. But I suppose it all worked out for the best, as the booming voice of Professor Slughorn was heard, calling down the corridor as he jogged closer to us.

"Boys! Dear me, what have you been up to?"

Black groaned, exchanged a look with Potter, and groaned again.

"Sirius, m'boy!" Slughorn nearly panted as he stopped jogging. "Just the person I wanted to see!"

"Oh goody," muttered Black under his breath. His friends seemed to think his predicament was hilarious. I would have agreed, but I was too busy trying to slink off before the professor noticed me here as well. Unlike Lily and Black, I hated the attention he poured on his favored students.

"Ah, Severus, stay here a moment, I wanted a word with you as well," Professor Slughorn managed to say before I had vanished down the corridor. Ruddy rats. He managed to freeze me in my tracks before I had escaped. The snickers behind me were more prominent with my entrapment.

"Sirius, I had a little meeting last night, and I was _so_ hoping that you could join us," Slughorn was practically whining in his attempt to know Black's excuse.

"Sorry, Professor. I had detention," informed Black.

"Detention?" Slughorn sounded like this was a complete shock. Come on. How ignorant can you be? It's Black. "What for?"

"The rabbit chocolates on Sunday."

"Oh, dear me," Slughorn started muttering to himself. "I did choose a bad date for everyone after all."

"Please, Professor, don't trouble yourself on my account. I need to take responsibility for my own actions," Black lied gallantly. Like everyone doesn't know he has a race with Potter going on for holding the most detentions by the end of the year.

"But I was so hoping that you and your brother could be there at the same time," Slughorn pouted.

Black gave him a blank stare. I had to wonder myself at Slughorn's motives. Surely mentioning that Black's family would have also been there would not have increased Black's desires to attend. Everyone knows of the rocky relationship he has with his family. I was told that the only reason he hasn't gotten disinherited yet is because he convinced them that he's not as bad as having a Squib for a son.

Yeah, such a difference there.

"I'll see you at my next party, though, right, Sirius?"

"As long as I don't have something come up, Professor," he smirked. Then Black turned to Potter and I swore he whispered, "How soon can we get detention for May 15th?"

"Severus, m'boy, thank you for waiting." Slughorn slung an arm about my shoulders, and I winced as he started to pull me down the corridor. "We didn't manage to finish that conversation last night about what you plan to do after Hogwarts."

And he still doesn't think I avoid that subject on purpose. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, like I can out and tell a _professor_ that I plan to join up with the Death Eaters as soon as I graduate. _That_ would go over well. What else would he buy from me, though? I could teach, I suppose, but the only subject I'd like to teach would be Defense Against the Dark Arts. "I've been thinking about applying for a job at the Apothecary in Diagon Alley," I finally lied, in lieu of any other viable response.

"That would be a very intriguing job indeed," approved Slughorn with a pompous nod.

So glad it meets his approval. Maybe then he will stop nagging at me about it.

"So how is tutoring going with dear Cenis?" was his next question.

I wanted to groan. I despise my Head of House's questions. Now I had to explain she couldn't even do a shrinking solution because of the caterpillars. And I still have no idea why the daisy root didn't dissolve. But what I really wanted to think on was not Cenis's potion disasters, as baffling as they are. I actually wanted to get to the bottom of this whole pet cat thing. Because that whole situation has so many problems with it.

"That bad, eh?" Slughorn tried to prompt me.

"Worse," I miserably replied. Why couldn't he leave me alone so I could diagnose the problems in the situation? I needed time to think.

"Don't let it get you too down, m'boy." After a pause that I was unwilling to fill, he spoke again, "Well, do you happen to know where Lily went for the holiday?"

Add insult to injury, why don't you. "She didn't happen to inform me of her travel plans, Professor," I said, rather coldly.

"Too bad," pouted Slughorn. "I had wanted her to attend last night's little gathering as well."

That's quite unfair. Why was he giving _me_ the guilt trip? Save it for her. Give it to her when she gets back. In fact, I'll help him give it to her. I had wanted her there as well. It would have meant that she could explain everything that was confusing me right now, and we could argue about the whole thing without any of the Marauders butting in.

"Minerva knew Lily had been considering what she was going to do," Slughorn was muttering to himself. "But she didn't get Lily's final decision written down."

Lily would have been able to explain the whole cat thing, why Potter had been in possession of a cat he claimed belonged to her, and even might have been able to hazard a guess at the Cenis tutoring disasters.

There is nothing I wouldn't give for an explanation. Especially directly from her.

Wait now, what did Slughorn just say about McGonagall?

"I suppose I'll leave you here for now, Severus. I've just remembered, I must talk to Filius about that essay he's assigned the fourth years. Regulus was complaining that it was a bit long for the subject matter."

With a pat on my shoulder, he left. Finally. Hm. Well that's just great. Now how was I supposed to find out where Lily is? Was I supposed to wander the corridors shouting, "Come out come out where ever you are," eh? I sighed. Can't I just have one moment of peace? I'd even try to find the cat if I knew where to look. Well, if I knew it was actually Lily's cat or could lead me to Lily.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

Check. _Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

Check. _Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

Check. _Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

_Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

Check. _Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: And so the cliffhanger ends. What exactly happened to Lils? Will the boys succeed in finding her? If Severus was innocent, who was at fault? All these questions and more, I'm sure you'll think of. I'll enjoy reading all your theories. ^_^

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cookies for reviewers!

By the way, Cenis Wulfric is Umi Pryde's OC. Cenis has been mentioned before in this story, but not by name. Try to guess where. ^_^

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	31. Chapter 31: Sirius When Things Go Wrong

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: I'm back! If you haven't chosen to read Chapter Thirty since it has been posted, I advise you do so before proceeding. Sirius is very blunt, but he doesn't cover it all.

Last chapter, Severus's mind was boggled.

* * *

_Lily would have been able to explain the whole cat thing, why Potter had been in possession of a cat he claimed belonged to her, and even might have been able to hazard a guess at the Cenis tutoring disasters. There is nothing I wouldn't give for an explanation. Especially directly from her._

_Wait now, what did Slughorn just say about McGonagall? "I suppose I'll leave you here for now, Severus. I've just remembered, I must talk to Filius about that essay he's assigned the fourth years. Regulus was complaining that it was a bit long for the subject matter."_

_With a pat on my shoulder, he left. Finally. Hm. Well that's just great. Now how was I supposed to find out where Lily is? Was I supposed to wander the corridors shouting, "Come out come out where ever you are," eh? I sighed. Can't I just have one moment of peace? I'd even try to find the cat if I knew where to look. Well, if I knew it was actually Lily's cat or could lead me to Lily._

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE: Sirius**

We lost Evans.

We were just bantering back and forth while we took Evans to the kitchens for breakfast. It was turning out to be a rather normal morning. Or at least, as normal as things got for us Marauders. It still doesn't seem quite '_normal_' to me to take Evans, in cat form, to the kitchens. And since I knew that, I was trying to keep my genius mind off of it so Prongs wouldn't suspect anything. In our conversation, we had been reviewing detention the night before, and the prank yesterday afternoon on Filch and the Slytherins; I think that was what we were talking about when Evans started darting ahead of us, then waiting for us to catch up.

I'd bet she was trying to get us to speed up, but we ignored her, and carried on with our conversation.

That was such a horrible choice to make.

I can't believe we lost Evans.

One of those times, which seemed just like the others, Lils darted ahead and around the corner of the corridor to wait for us there. I almost wish I had had some sort of premonition, some gut feeling, some prediction. But there was absolutely no warning.

All of the sudden we heard her yowl, as if in pain. Prongs and I exchanged a concerned glance, before cutting short the joke we were in the process of enjoying, and striding forward with purpose.

Prongs was muttering, "Please be a trick step," as my stomach dropped in anticipation and dread, and we turned the corner, wands in hand.

Nobody was there.

Nothing.

This was bad. This was _**so**_ bad.

"Lils?" Prongs's concern made his voice raise its pitch. "LILS!"

What the newt had happened to her?!

Cats don't up and disappear. Admittedly, Evans is a rather good escape artist. But even she knows when to hide and when to come back to us. And by scaring the wits out of us, she would know to come back.

Er… What's the red stuff on the floor?

I crouched down and touched some of it. It was wet, and looked and felt horribly like blood. "Prongs?" I said weakly, calling his attention to it.

His eyes widened in horror, as he spotted what I had. "What the newt happened to her?"

I shook my head, still in shock. He doesn't even know the worst of it.

If something happened to Evans while she was a cat, it would be my fault. Utterly and entirely my fault. I was the one that was heartily enjoying forcing her to interact with Prongs, and tearing down some of her preconceived notions of him. But as a cat, she was much more vulnerable. She had no wand, no way to protect herself. Even if the situation ended up being harmless (which from the look of the blood, it seems someone _was_ harmed) she would have had no way to contact us, or otherwise assure us that she was all right.

"Padfoot, where could she have gone?" Prongs was pacing up and down the corridor, searching for some passageway that might take us to her again.

I stood. Glancing around us, I stiffened my resolve to not let Prongs in on the secret Wormtail started. He'd only be that much more devastated. "I need to find the map," I muttered.

Somehow I need to persuade Prongs to head back to the dormitories with me, so I can rummage through all of our things and find the Map. Wormtail was off his rocker when he hid it from me.

"Who would have done such a thing?" Prongs asked, still searching for answers he knew I didn't possess.

"Let's—let's do a search of the corridor, Prongs," I suggested, trying to be sensible. "Utterly thorough."

He agreed, so we combed that corridor as if with a niffler searching for trinkets. Finding no clues or evidence to point us in any direction as to who the perpetrator was or where Evans disappeared off to, we systematically began to make our search wider and wider, eventually expanding to the entire floor.

I wonder if there's some spell that could tell you to whom spilt blood belongs, I was thinking as I walked past the spotted stones once more.

Well, that certainly won't help if its Evans's blood. I don't even want to suggest the possibility to Prongs that a spell could help identify the owner of the blood if, in the event that we find the spell and get it to cooperate, it identifies Lily Evans. I never want to have to try to explain that situation to Prongs.

That would be ruddy awful.

Prongs is torn up enough believing that we're only missing Evans's cat. I can't imagine what that would do to him if he knew that we are in fact missing the one and only Lily Evans.

But as I'm currently not on speaking terms with the only person that could help us discover a spell one way or another, I suppose it doesn't matter.

I looked around, suddenly acutely aware of my surroundings, and not sure what had drawn me out of my thoughts.

Good grief.

How long have we been searching now?

Moony's probably at the library by now. Wormtail was in the Great Hall, so he's most likely taking his time and still enjoying his meal.

I hate how suddenly I lost my appetite.

I'm going to be cranky later, but there's no way I could sit and eat breakfast right now. Absolutely not. I wonder if Prongs feels the same way.

"Prongs, do you just want to skip breakfast?" I asked, offhand.

His look was answer enough. That's what I thought.

"Really, Padfoot? Breakfast?"

I shrugged. "Thought I'd ask and confirm my suspicions."

"Well, if _you_ want to eat breakfast, go ahead. _I'll_ keep looking," he added darkly.

I shook my head. "I'll be right by your side," I said reassuringly.

Though really, we might be able to get a lot more done if I could actually find the map. I've already checked my bed curtains. Thought that was prudent since Wormtail is in the habit of storing his socks on top of his own. But I really still need to check the loose floorboard. And the windowsill. It's entirely possible that the map could be hidden there.

This would be so much simpler if I hadn't suggested we put an Anti-Summoning charm on the Map.

I might just have to take it off again.

Especially if Wormtail keeps on with his end of the world list.

Honestly, if he would just process that _I_ could look at the map, and not let it fall into Prongs's or Moony's hands, and it would still keep the secret perfectly safe. For some reason, he doesn't remember that he already told me everything.

"Prongs?" I tried to grab his attention again.

"Hm?" he turned his head shortly.

"I think we'd be able to make more progress if I could find the map," I told him.

"You mean, it wasn't in my trunk?" he asked, confusion driving out his panic for the moment.

"No. Wormtail started on his end of the world list."

"Why would he do something like that?" Prongs was exasperated. Tell me about it.

I frowned. What would be a plausible reason from Wormtail's point of view? Ah, I know! "There was a _cat_ living in his dormitory. For Wormtail, that would be the first sign of the Apocalypse." I'm brilliant, I know.

"True," Prongs muttered. "Hadn't thought of it like that."

"C'mon. I think we'd best check out the map."

"Fine," he agreed grudgingly, disheartened by our lack of success so far.

"If I can find it," I added in a mutter, still frustrated myself.

We took the stairs up to the common room, and as we went, Prongs asked, "Did we include animals on the map?"

"Certain ones, like Mrs. Norris, why?" I replied as I spotted the cat I just mentioned. Creepy. Speak of the devil and she shall truly appear.

"Just wondering," he murmured.

We tromped up to the Common Room, hardly talking further. Once we got there, I dashed up to the dormitory, not waiting to see what James was going to do.

I quickly tore up the loose floorboard, finding a couple Filibuster fireworks, a few Chocolate Frog cards, and some dungbombs. Still no map.

I strode over to my nightstand and quickly pulled out the checklist I had been making, so I could keep track of all the hiding place options I had already tried, and jotted down the loose floorboard on the list.

Then I went to the windowsill and checked all around that whole area, finding nothing but… my knife.

That could be useful.

I pocketed it, as I heard the Common Room portrait slam shut.

Where was Prongs again? I turned around. He hadn't followed me up the stair. Oh great. He's got a head start.

I hurried down the dormitory stair, quickly scanning the Common Room for his messy black hair. Not seeing him anywhere there, I continued on out into the corridor; my suspicions confirmed once again. I caught a glimpse of him heading around a corner at a brisk pace. I wonder what's got him riled up again.

I followed him at a reasonable pace, when all of the sudden he broke out in a dead run, and pulled out his wand.

I ran after him and found him hexing Snape. Pulling out my own wand, I called out and got his attention, "Prongs! What the ruddy newt!"

I was trying to figure out why he was taking his frustrations out on Snape, when Prongs asked Snivellus what he did with Lils. If Snivelly was the cat-napper he was going to pay.

And despite his supposed ignorance, which Snivellus of course was playing up, there was a certain true ring to Prongs's accusation that Snape had done something to the cat.

And so, I didn't feel anything amiss about being threatening towards Snivellus as I retold the story simply, of how our morning had gone, stopping with the mysterious disappearance of Evans. Surely some of that would jog a memory in Snape's mind. He was intimidated, for sure, but still defiant. And totally baiting Prongs.

Moony suddenly appeared from another corridor, apparently wanting to share information with Prongs, but he wasn't in the mood to be told that Snape had a viable alibi. I could tell that James really wasn't in a place to care about the facts. He wanted justice, revenge on whomever had thought to kidnap Lily's cat, and excuses to hex Snape. I can't say my desires were much different than that either, but I at least was listening to logic. Snivelly kept up a pretty good act of ignorance, in spite of the fact he was stuck on the possibility that during the cat-napping the cat died.

I was so close to giving away the fact that the cat was Lily Evans. Just to get him to shut up.

My growing headache and the fact that James and Remus kept talking about a certain someone really didn't help my mood all that much either. Or Snivelly's faux pas of questioning the ownership of the cat once again. Seriously, I thought we'd drilled that into his head by now.

But I had re-promised myself this morning, plus Wormtail happened upon us as well, as he had finally finished his breakfast. So I settled for torturing information from Snivellus as to why he kept insisting that death was the only option for a cat who had suddenly disappeared.

The topic was too much for Prongs who exploded at Peter, in spite of the fact that Snivellus was just messing with our minds and trying to bait all of us.

James explained himself with, "This was my chance, Sirius."

I think I was the only one who truly understood just how much James was banking on this whole Holiday experience lifting him in Evans's ranking. If he could endear himself to Lily's cat, and prove himself responsible and mature, she would have to admit that James Potter held some positive traits as well.

But what made this situation even more dramatic beyond what James knew, is the fact that Lily is getting this all first hand. Which, if she had heard our story of what happened during Easter Holidays to her cat, that would be one thing. She would be sure to assume the worst, and probably would come up with an explanation rather close to Snivelly's. However, I had found something that I could trust. Lily knew from her own experience what exactly happened, even if we didn't. It wouldn't hurt James's chances at all. Especially if we finally found the map, found Evans, and rescued her from the clutches of the maniac who had kidnapped her.

"And it still will be, Prongs. All we have to do is find her," I reassured him.

As much as I supported James, I had to finally acknowledge we really weren't getting anywhere with hexing information out of Snape. He _was_ playing the scapegoat for Prongs's frustrations. And in spite of my own dislike and hatred of Snivelly, I was ready for a change of pace when Slughorn came jogging down the corridor towards us. I just didn't want to deal with Sluggy all that much either.

Slughorn gave us all the usual guilt-trip for avoiding his dull party with our detention. Not that I had actually been planning on going, but I was astounded at his audacity. He had not only been trying to get me to come, but to get me hooked up with Regulus. Honestly, he had no right to be pushing us together. That was a family matter.

In fact, that moves up the priority for getting detention on May fifteenth. I wonder how far out I could schedule those detentions Wormtail tried to get me.

Then Sluggy pulled Snivellus away from us, leaving us standing in the corridor, with almost nothing to do, and nothing really found out about the situation with Lily Evans, and the cat-napper. Except for, perhaps, being able to rule out Snape.

"So…" said Wormtail, breaking the near awkward silence, as each of us had gotten lost in our thoughts. "What just happened?"

Moony was patient enough to say, "The cat, Lils, is missing. Prongs thought Snivellus was the culprit, or at least had information that could lead us to the real perpetrator."

I couldn't be bothered with tact anymore. "Wormy, I need to see the map. We have to find Lils."

Peter pursed his lips, hesitating to grant my order, in spite of my outstretched hand demanding him to hand it over.

"Wormtail!" I whined.

"I need to eat something," Prongs muttered. "My head is killing me."

Wormy jumped in at that opportunity. "There's some very nice waffles that the house elves cooked up today, along with—"

"Wormtail," I interrupted with gritted teeth.

He gave me an apologetic wince. "Sorry Padfoot, I don't have it. I can't tell you, anyway," He shiftily looked between Remus and James. "Item seventeen."

"What's that one, don't talk?" I retorted. He gasped dramatically.

"What the newt are you two going on about?" asked Moony.

"Nothing," we said innocently and unified. Both Wormtail and Moony were still watching me warily.

"Well, we're not getting anything done standing around here," said Prongs briskly, suddenly seeming to pull himself together. "Moony, let's check the kitchens. Wormtail, go get the Map for Pete's sake and give it to Padfoot, and Padfoot, thanks mate."

"No problem," I muttered, watching the three go towards the kitchens. Why does that not make sense? Wait. Wormtail was supposed to go find the Map. That's what James told him to do. Why is he following the others? I'll strangle the little rat!

But first, I have to find the bloody Map.

I turned, a cloud of doom hovering over my head as I walked the passageways to get back to the Gryffindor common room. I feel pity on anyone who dares try to approach me.

Still, who kidnapped Lily Evans? And why the newt wasn't it Snivellus? He should still be listed as a prime suspect, if I had anything to say about it. I wish we had some sort of lead. How could we get a lead?

And if Mrs. Norris is in my way again, I'm kicking her, no matter that she's Filch's cat and he's drawn up some sort of stupid rule about not manhandling his pets. It might be my only way to vent my frustrations. And it might possibly get me a detention for May fifteenth.

This is not a good day. I can't believe we lost ruddy Evans.

My poor brain is working overtime now.

How could a cat disappear this thoroughly?

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

Check. _Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

Check. _Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

Check. _Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

Check. _Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

Check. _Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: A bit of a filler chapter, but hopefully this helps everyone remember where we were. What exactly happened to Lils? Will the boys succeed in finding her? If Severus was innocent, who was at fault? All these questions and more, I'm sure are mind boggling. Please tell me what you think. I'll enjoy reading all your theories. And if anyone guesses correctly, you'll get a special treat. The next chapter is already written. ^_^

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cookies for reviewers!

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


	32. Chapter 32: Lily Prisoner

**Cat, Rat, and Dog**

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last chapter, Sirius's poor brain hurt from all the questions and Wormtail was decidedly unhelpful.

* * *

_But first, I have to find the bloody Map._

_I turned, a cloud of doom hovering over my head as I walked the passageways to get back to the Gryffindor common room. I feel pity on anyone who dares try to approach me. Still, who kidnapped Lily Evans? And why the newt wasn't it Snivellus? He should still be listed as a prime suspect, if I had anything to say about it. I wish we had some sort of lead. How could we get a lead? And if Mrs. Norris is in my way again, I'm kicking her, no matter that she's Filch's cat and he's drawn up some sort of stupid rule about not manhandling his pets. It might be my only way to vent my frustrations. And it might possibly get me a detention for May fifteenth._

_This is not a good day. I can't believe we lost ruddy Evans. My poor brain is working overtime now. How could a cat disappear this thoroughly?_

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO: Lily  
**

I groaned as I stirred for the first time. The blackness was gradually receding. Where was I? What had happened? Oh, rats. I'm a cat. Right. I squinted my eyes as I looked in front of me.

Why am I in a cage?

Is this—Who's office is this? I've never been here before. Er, I think. It's tiny. Hang on, is this Filch's office?

I _knew_ he was up to no good when he was trying to get me to come with him. That's the whole reason I put up the fight in the first place. But to knock me out, and take me away and lock me up in a cage? That's a bit extreme, don't you think?

I stretched, grimacing as the pain shot from the bump on the back of my head. My last memory was coming back in full force.

* * *

_I was sitting, lashing my tail in impatience, waiting for Sirius and James to catch up to me so I could run ahead a step further. It was my newest avoidance tactic, and it seemed to be working rather well. At least, it had let me escape James's arms and the inane conversation. One factor I particularly liked was that the two Marauders didn't seem so concerned about where exactly I was at every single point in time; they trusted me to wait for them to catch up before disappearing again. But it did keep me waiting impatiently for long stretches of time, thus giving me plenty of time to think, which was one pastime I did not want to pursue._

_So, it had some definite pros and cons._

_Suddenly I was grabbed from behind and I let out a low hiss, turning my head to see who had grabbed me._

_"C'mere, sweet. I need you in my office."_

_What the newt? Filch randomly picks up cats and tells them to come to his office? Is this his way of setting up a play date for Mrs. Norris? Oh, please, tell me this is a bad dream. I don't want to know what Filch does to cats he brings to his office._

_Let me down! Now! I shouted at him from inside my head._

_I scratched at his arms, trying to get them to release me. It had worked with both Sirius and James, but apparently Filch's self-preservation is not as high a level as theirs. He tightened his grip, squeezing me uncomfortably around my middle. Is he trying to break one of my ribs?_

_"Bloody spoiled kitten," he muttered._

_This was calling for drastic measures. I had no clue what he had in mind when he first made this move, but I was not sticking around to find out._

_I think I just discovered a new least favorite option of how to spend my Easter holidays. The Marauders are now my second least favorite and much more preferable than this possibility._

_I started flailing around, catching my claws on his robes, face, and neck. The robes, especially around the shoulder area, I shredded pretty well, and my scratches on his face and neck were starting to bleed, throwing drops of blood onto the floor of the corridor when he shook his head to get his filthy hair out of his eyes. Where I scratched his arms, it was starting to look a little raw, but I hadn't maimed him enough to put me down yet, apparently._

_He growled at me and grabbed the scruff of my neck with one hand, attempting to keep me at arm's length. I, however, was in battle mode, and trying my best to hurt him just enough that he would let me drop, and I could run back to James. And Sirius. They could hex Filch in revenge for me._

_I only screamed aloud once, when I noticed that Filch had used his free hand to grab a mop handle and was raising it above his head. Then, I could remember no more, only blackness._

* * *

Now, I thought, taking the time to observe my surroundings fully and thoroughly, how to either get out, or get word to the Marauders and have them bust me out of here…

Filch had left. His office was a verifiable mess, but I assumed that was not unusual for the caretaker. Merlin knows he has enough difficulty cleaning the castle, let alone his own office. Bits of parchment sticking out of several drawers, the floor littered with detention notes and assorted prank items, it was not tidy by any definition. I supposed that the prank items were ones that he had recently confiscated and was now investigating to see exactly how they worked. I recognized Peter's fanged Frisbee, and had to snort remembering his feeble protests when Filch had commandeered the item in the Charms corridor. Had that only been two weeks ago?

How much had changed since I'd been turned into a cat. I shook my head, amazed, and winced, again. Note to self: I really shouldn't shake my head.

Laying back down, I let my gaze drift over the office again before resting on the only other living thing in there.

It was odd to note that her gaze was just as attached to me as mine was now to her.

She stared haughtily at me though the bars of my cage, her gray fur glistening in the dim light shining through the closed and barred window. Minutes passed in our little staring contest. Then she opened her mouth, her eyes never wavering.

"I shouldn't let you out."

The first words she had said the whole time I'd been there, thankfully translated from the initial mews and body language by my kitty brain. I shrugged, discouraged and disheartened. Did it matter? We were still in Filch's office. And, anyway, I never asked her to let me out.

"I shouldn't let you out."

Feeling a spark of curiosity at the repetition, I lifted up my head and meowed, "Why?"

She shook her head. "I shouldn't let you out."

"Are you feeling tempted to, or something?" I asked, quickly growing vexed as she wouldn't say anything else.

"I shouldn't let you out." She tilted her head. "What is that sound? 'Temped'?"

Finally! "Well," I paused. Why wouldn't her vocabulary be as advanced as the dog or the rat? Did cats have smaller vocabularies? I quickly scrambled for an explanation. "It's when you desire something you know you shouldn't."

"Oh, then, yes. I shouldn't let you out."

"But you want to?" I asked curiously.

She nodded. "I shouldn't let you out. The man put you in there. Nothing the man does is wrong. I shouldn't let you out."

This conversation was annoyingly cyclical. "Why did Filch put me in here?"

"Who?" she stared blankly.

"The—the man," I replied, trying to simplify my language to communicate with her. "Why did the man put me in here?"

"Rule breakers must be punished."

"But I didn't break any rules," I objected immediately. Honestly, fighting in proven self defense didn't qualify as breaking any rules. I should know. What with being Muggleborn, plus that little fact has kept Sev out of at least seven possible detentions that I know of. There may be more that I don't know of.

"Rule breakers must be punished."

Great. Just lovely. I got her stuck on a different, though equally aggravating, protestation.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked, hoping to lure her into a semi-normal conversation.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

What the newt? She knew I was innocent, that I broke no rules, and she's _still_ supporting Filch. What was wrong with her? I eyed her warily. "Then who was the rule breaker?"

"Rule breakers must be punished."

"Who?" I persisted.

"Those boys. Rule breakers must be punished."

I stared at her, outrage sweeping through my little body. The Marauders got me put in a cage in Filch's office? What did they do? I should've paid more attention to what the actual prank was on Filch yesterday.

"How are you mad?" She relaxed her practiced haughty stance and took a hesitant step towards me, but still with narrowed eyes.

I honestly replied in spite of my fuming, "I'm not mad at you. Just at the Marauders for doing something to incite Filch to put me in here."

She stopped all movement and looked blankly at me. "What?"

Right. I exhaled audibly as I remembered to simplify my language. "I'm mad that those boys made the man put me in here."

"Oh. Rule breakers must be punished."

I sighed again. Having to speak in such simple terms, and to deal with the constant tedious objections, it was like talking to a child. Before I could restrain myself, I impulsively asked, "Are you young?"

"Not hardly a kitten such as you," she sniffed and turned her head, resuming that haughty poise, but for the first time, looking at something other than me—the polished manacles hanging from the ceiling. Perfect. I'd offended her by my thoughtless question.

"Please forgive me," I pleaded. Talking with her was better than speaking to no one, though only slightly.

She gazed back at me suspiciously. "How do you know so many odd words? I can't make sense of so much that you say."

I frowned, confused myself. "I'm not sure." I never imagined that the animal that Peter turned me into would have such a low tolerance for new vocabulary words.

"You speak like the cat that turns into a woman," she observed, shaking her head.

I met her eyes. Was she thinking of the same person I was thinking of? "Professor McGonagall?" I guessed, amazement flooding my face. How close did the two interact?

"See, you can make that sound that the cat-woman makes. And yet, I guess, just like the cat-woman, you don't fully understand this," she said as she launched into a series of noises: mixtures between meows, purrs, trills, and whimpers, ending with a snarl. I could barely catch the emotions of joy, frustration, anger, sorrow, and hope that underlay so much of what she said.

I winced. I wasn't the only one simplifying my language so that we could communicate. She just had not deviated until now. Well, at least my assumption on the vocabulary pitfalls was false.

"True?" she tacked on at the end, the only word that was fully translated.

I shook my head dismally, still feeling a twinge of pain at the movement and quickly stopping. "True. I hardly can catch the tenor of your emotions."

She stared blankly, waiting for me to realize something. My eyes widened. She was much better than I was at staying with a simplified language. If I was in my human form at this point, I would've blushed, embarrassed. I ducked my head, instead.

Overcoming the wave of dizziness that came with the motion, I corrected myself, "I almost understand what you are feeling as you say those things, but I don't understand what the sounds mean exactly."

"Don't feel too ashamed, you are yet but a kitten. You forget these things," she reassured me, visibly losing interest in her repetitious barriers.

"How old must I be to remember?" I asked, feeling my dark mood descend upon me once more.

"There is no 'old'. There are kittens, such as you, and there are adults, such as me." I was jealous. She did the pointing with the paw thing so much better than I had done it when I was trying to communicate with Padfoot.

"How do you mark the switch, though?" I asked, curious still, my tail flicking.

"One's first litter of kittens. Or about seven seasons," she lifted a shoulder in a shrug.

"Seasons?" I repeated. I had never heard that term used to mark age, before. It makes sense though. I've heard the debates about cat years versus human years versus dog years, and that would help explain the rapid progression to adulthood in animals. Seven seasons would just be under two years.

She gaped at me, amazement marking her expression. "Surely you've noticed the cold turning warm, and the green emerging from the plants and the white growing smaller."

I nodded, the shooting pain having turned into a dull throb. "Of course—" I wonder how my fortnight as a kitten will affect my real age. Now that's something for the philosophical Ravenclaws to ponder.

"That is a changing of a season," she emphasized unnecessarily.

I tried to roll my eyes again. "Yes, I know."

She retreated into her customary stance, her tail twitching slightly at the tip. "I shouldn't let you out."

And we're back to that. How did we get back to that? I thought we had gotten away from her repeat cycle. We were having such a wonderful conversation, too. I silently mourned our brief companionship, before she drove me mad with her reiterations.

"But cats shouldn't be caged, either. You did no wrong. The man has fights with your boys, not you. You are a rule-keeper."

My ears twitched alertly. Well, at least now she was sort of talking herself into getting me out. I didn't object to that. But I had thought of another question she could help me with. "How long have I been in here?"

"A passing of the golden ball," she remarked offhand, seriously regarding me again.

I suppose that means one day. Wait, I've been in here an entire _day_? I groaned. What did Filch use again to knock me out so badly? Surely that effect didn't happen just by being hit upside the head with a mop handle.

"I shouldn't let you out." She dipped her head in a nod, acknowledging the truth of her statement. "But I will," she said proudly, surprising me with her verdict.

I hesitated. Despite her favorable assessment, I wasn't becoming enthused about my release at her paws. "Am I going to be able to get out of this place?" I asked, not really wanting anything more than an icepack on my now throbbing head.

She considered me thoughtfully. "Perhaps. I could let you out when the man is gone, and has left the door open."

"That would probably be best," I told her.

"Then we must wait," she said wisely. She sat back on her haunches, and turned her gaze unblinkingly towards the door.

I lay my head back down gently on my paws, closed my eyes, and half wondered if it was possible for cats to get concussions, and therefore I should concentrate on staying awake. That would really stink. I don't know if I can stay awake.

Mrs. Norris didn't seem too worried though, so I let oblivion take over and relieve the pressure of the headache Filch had caused.

* * *

Peter's List

Check. _Item one: Hide the map._

Check. _Item two: Tell Sirius._

Check. _Item three: Laugh off any weird questions._

Check. _Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up._

Check. _Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up._

Check. _Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans._

Check. _Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans._

Check. _Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home._

Check. _Item nine: Don't look suspicious._

_Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list._

Check. _Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat._

Check. _Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony._

Check. _Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore._

Check. _Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely._

_Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty._

_Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans._

Check. _Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily._

Check. _Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate._

Check. _Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat._

Check. _Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans._

_Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot._

Check. _Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me._

* * *

A/N: No theories? At all? I'm slightly disappointed. Hopefully this is enough of a surprise that you hadn't guessed it, but also I hope I put enough clues in to foreshadow this turn of events. Let me know how I am doing, please. I hope everyone enjoys this turn of events and I haven't mentally scarred you too much, yet. ^_^

Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean _anyone_, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cookies for reviewers!

Enjoy! And thanks for reading!


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